


Strange Fascination

by my_silent_hour



Category: Adam Lambert - Fandom, Daniel Radcliffe - Fandom
Genre: AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-27
Updated: 2011-04-27
Packaged: 2017-10-18 17:46:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 56,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/191548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_silent_hour/pseuds/my_silent_hour
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a universe where American Idol never happened, Adam Lambert finds himself working as a consultant for Daniel Radcliffe's latest film, teaching the young actor all he knows about becoming a drag queen. But as they work together, they begin to fall in love. But will Dan be able to open himself up and tell the world that he's in love with a man?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Strange Fascination

**Author's Note:**

>   
>  The awesome accompanying artwork to this piece was made by DoubleyouDee and can be seen here at the [Art Masterpost](http://argylepiratewd.livejournal.com/66389.html).
> 
>  **Author's Note:** This was actually the first Adam fic I ever wrote so be gentle with me. :) I started this when he was still on Idol, I had just seen Dan in Equus, and I knew Dan a whole lot better at that point in my life. It went through some major changes before I posted it here, and it even though it's the latest thing I've posted, I have that "first fic" love for it. Hope you enjoy it! This was betaed by the awesome Aislinn.

Daniel Radcliffe took a deep breath and stood in the middle of the street, eyeing the chrome walls of the club with nervousness and disdain. He’d only been in L.A. for a week, but he knew he would never get used to the pace of this city. Or the attitude. And the building in front of him seemed to be a shining symbol of all he’d come to loathe about it. Glitz, glamour, and obsession with fashion and money. He missed the sensible London streets, the even cadence of a British tongue, the sense of etiquette and reservation. New York, at least, had been sophisticated and artsy. Here in L.A., everyone’s soul was up for the highest bidder.

A car honked and Dan was thrust abruptly back into reality. He forced his legs to carry him toward the club, though he secretly longed for the car to just put him out of his misery. The _thumpa thumpa_ of the dance music inside made the ground shake beneath his feet. He rolled his eyes and came to a halt on the sidewalk, right in front of the two bouncers. The men, Dan ascertained, had muscles bigger than his thigh.

“Hi. Um, Daniel Radcliffe?”

The bouncers eyed him in a way that wasn’t at all friendly, and then turned to the guest list on the clipboard in front of them. The one on the right, the bigger of the two, nodded to him. “Go on in. Mr. Vance is waiting for you.”

 _Mr. Vance_ , he’d said, almost sighing, like the man’s shit smelled like roses. God. Fucking L.A.

Dan fought down the bile he felt rise to his throat and entered the club.

The _thumpa thumpa,_ as it turns out, was not coming from a DJ, but from a stage that seemed to take over the huge open space of the club. Covering practically all of one wall, the stage swooped out into the middle of the club; a crescent moon glittering amidst tables and dancers and well-dressed patrons. A lone woman sang at the microphone center stage while male dancers wearing practically nothing did some sort of sensual dance behind her. Dan paused for a minute to watch the spectacle.

The woman had a low, sultry voice. Every few notes she would lick her red lips and make heated eye contact with a lucky member of the audience. She swayed her hips slowly, much slower than the driving beat really allowed, her weight shifting gracefully from one long, slender leg to the other. Legs that were dressed in skin tight, thigh high boots.

Dan barely had time to take in the dress she was wearing (though he had caught that it, too, was skin tight and made out of something shiny, cut just low enough to hint at a bosom) before the woman’s electrified gaze settled on him. Grey eyes – or were they blue? – locked him in place. There was such heat in that one glance that for a terrifying moment, Dan thought he was going to lose his soul to her, or at the very least his mind, but then she winked, tossed her long black hair over her shoulder and went on to some other helpless victim in the crowd. Dan stood still, riveted and shaken, feeling like he’d somehow been robbed or violated. Like she had sized him up and judged him as not good enough in one glance. It stung a little and yet felt like a challenge all in one.

Dan groaned inwardly, not just at his foolishness but at the possibility that Rupert might have been right: all he needed was a good shag, and then maybe he could enjoy L.A.

“Dan!” He heard the voice call to him over the music and turned around. In the back corner, obviously the best table in the place, Colin Vance waved him over.

Colin Vance, the director everyone in Hollywood would give their right arm to work for. Even Dan’s own mother had told him before leaving London, “Do what he says and don’t make a fuss. That man is brilliant.” His best friends, Lorenzo and Spencer, had been out of their minds with jealousy that he was going to be working with the world famous Vance. Though he knew this was a good opportunity for his career, Dan had yet to work up the proper amount of worshipfulness for Vance. Truthfully, all he wanted was to dive right into the film and bury himself in the character. He was going to have to immerse himself fast – a little too fast, in his method acting coach’s opinion – if he was going to pull off the role with any realism.

And this was one thing Dan had absolutely no real experience to draw from: he would be playing a teenage drag queen in a drama set in 1970’s America.

Colin stood and shook Dan’s hand as he reached the table, and one of the other guests slid a chair in Dan’s direction. Dan smiled and nodded to the others and took the proffered chair. Colin grinned at Dan, managing to look handsome even though the director was actually quite goofy looking, and began introductions. Between the loud music and his inability to concentrate, Dan didn’t catch many names, but he could hear their roles in the upcoming shoot: producers, directors of various parts of the filming, costume and makeup consultants. Dan sighed. No actors among them. It would be a long night.

Dan leaned in close to Colin’s ear and yelled, “Still haven’t found a Scott yet?”

Scott, for all intents and purposes, was the character who mentored Dan’s in the film. Casting for the part was proving difficult to say the least. Not only would the actor have to be willing to play a drag queen, which was still a turn off to most Hollywood actors, he would also have to be beautiful, slightly older than Dan, and be able to pull off believable chemistry with the younger British actor. Much to his embarrassment, finding chemistry with the hopefuls was the main hindrance in the casting, and Dan would need all the help he could get with that part. 

Colin shook his head and took a deep swallow from the fancy drink he held. “No luck yet. Don’t worry. This always happens. Just when you think we’re out of time, the right guy walks through the door.”

Dan hoped to hell he was right. Principal was supposed to start in just under a month, and the script was damned demanding. He knew because he’d done nothing but read it and try to live it for the last week. He had wanted a challenge; he had wanted a role that would break the Harry Potter mold even more than Equus had. He wanted to shatter Harry into a thousand bits and prove that he had the chops to do anything. Fuck, he was tired of wearing a scar on his forehead and getting called “Harry” by fans. And he was so tired of spending three quarters of his life doing stunts and special effects. All he wanted was a serious role, a gritty drama, something to create a bit of Oscar buzz and catapult him to the level of “actor” instead of “star.”

The others asked him a few questions just to make conversation, but they were all clearly there to speak to Colin and get their own parts of the film moving. Dan answered wittily, smiling and charming his way through the awkwardness, and then he retreated inside himself to think about his role. The others at the table chatted on while he went over the nuances of his character. What would Matthew/Maggie do at this club? Would she hate it or get up on the floor and dance? Would she have a fake ID in her rhinestone clutch? Would she…ugh. How the hell was he supposed to get inside the head of a drag queen? What were they thinking?

A drink was set in front of him, though he hadn’t ordered anything, and he clinked glasses with Colin before downing about half a glass that turned out to be mainly vodka. He wasn’t of age in this damnable country, something that hardly seemed to matter as a celebrity in L.A., but still, he hadn’t had liquor in a while. In just a few minutes he started to feel tipsy.

The club erupted in applause and Dan turned his head toward the stage. The beautiful blue-eyed woman laughed and did a funny little bow before taking the microphone from its stand. She turned serious almost instantly and the lights on the stage were lowered to a soft blue. Tinkling piano notes came from nowhere, and she launched into a speech about her favorite style of music, torch songs. Dan watched, mesmerized, as her painted lips moved, brushing up against the microphone with every word. The notes from the piano grew more prominent, and then the woman started to sing. Her voice started on a stunning high note and then fell down low into the breathy depths of her chest, musical smoke and sex, and a hush fell over the loud room. All eyes focused on the stunning woman with the stunning voice, including Dan’s. She was Bettie Page mixed with Judy Garland, and he could not have been more transfixed. The key shifted, and she was telling a man to cry her a river just a little bit lower than before, and Dan found that her voice went straight to his groin. Fidgeting in his seat, trying to make his now ill-fitting jeans a little more comfortable and failing, his last resort was downing the rest of the drink Colin had ordered for him.

When the song ended with a low-pitched riff and a lusty look to her audience, the woman stood to whistles and catcalls and bowed subtly before sashaying off the stage with her dancers. Dan stared after her, all coherent thoughts in his head vanishing without a trace. His body hummed and vibrated with something he hadn’t let himself feel in a long while.

“Well, what do you think? Isn’t she spectacular?” Colin yelled over the applause.

“She’s brilliant!” Dan said, completely sincere. Never before had he seen such a powerful, sexual presence from a woman onstage. And he wasn’t much of a judge on voices, but he could tell she should have been selling out stadiums instead of playing ridiculous nightclubs. “Who is she?”

Colin turned to him, an amused smile on his overly large lips. “You mean you haven’t figured it out yet, Radcliffe?”

“Figured what out?”

Colin’s smile got even larger. “That, my friend, was Adam Lambert, stage name Eve. She – or he, if you want to get technical – will be your consultant and your inspiration for the entirety of our shoot. Jeff and I talked it over, and we both agreed that a consultant would be a great source for you, and I of course thought of Adam. Trust me when I say there’s a reason why he has the following he does.”

Colin’s eyes roamed over the large room, and Dan followed them, seeing what he saw. Tons of people cheering for a drag queen, a mob of fans, all clearly here for one reason. And it was that moment that Colin’s words seemed to register in his head, only to rush through his veins like ice water.

“So…that woman was…” Dan said stupidly, feeling his stomach turn slightly.

“A man,” Colin finished for him, chuckling at the expression on Dan’s face, which had completely lost all of its color. “You’re not the first to make that mistake, Daniel, and I’m sure you won’t be the last.”

Though Colin easily brushed the mistake off, Dan couldn’t. For some reason, he felt a bit angry and, if he was honest, intrigued. Dan shook his head at himself, and swallowed his feelings down.

“Want to meet her?”

“Now?” Dan’s voice squeaked.  

“Now.” Colin’s hazel eyes searched Dan’s for a minute. “He will be your best tool for this role, I can promise you that.”

Dan felt as if the whole table was looking at him. He couldn’t say no, not now, and look like he wasn’t professional enough to be up for this role; he couldn’t risk looking like a sheltered little boy, either. That wasn’t the reason why he didn’t want to meet Adam/Eve anyway.

And they certainly couldn’t know _that_ reason.

Dan pushed the memory of Eve’s sensually swaying hips from his mind and nodded to Colin. “Take me to her.”

 

*

 

The tiny hallway behind the stage was badly lit by just two low-watt bulbs, and Dan had to stay close to Colin for fear of losing him in the dark. People passed by, giving them strange looks, decked out in leather and corsets and wigs and other strange costumes, and he had no idea if some of them were male or female. Dan caught himself staring, a thrilling tremor zipping through his stomach. He shrank back from them, half frightened, half mystified, and all too afraid he might touch them if he got too close. A nervous giggle caught in his throat – in only a month’s time, this was what he was to become. Colin stopped and rapped his fist on an unmarked metal door. A voice called from beyond to come in.

The ghost of Bettie Page sat in front of a bright makeup mirror, smiling wide as could be at them. “Colin Vance. Jesus, it’s been a long time.”

Her voice – his voice, Dan reminded himself – was lower than it had been on stage. Eve stood, setting her boot heels down daintily on the ground before rising. As her back straightened, Dan felt his chin rise in the air to follow her up. She had to have been at least a foot taller than him. How hadn’t he noticed that when she was onstage? She went to Colin and fell into his outstretched arms. Colin was a large man, tall and a bit overweight, but she was a tad taller still. Tall and slender, Dan noticed, though the dress seemed to give her some curves in all the right places.

“And this is Daniel,” Dan heard Colin say, and almost jumped at the words, startled. He’d missed most of their conversation somehow. Suddenly Eve’s eyes were on him again, this time more friendly than threatening, though they were no less potent. She held out her hand as if she expected him to kiss it. Awkwardly, Dan took it and gave it a sideways shake.

“Daniel Radcliffe…” Eve mumbled, stepping back to look him over. The blue of her eyes roamed over every inch of him, and then snapped up to look at Colin. “My but he’ll make a pretty woman.”

Colin laughed loudly. “I agree. Can you make it happen?”

“Of course. I work my own magic,” Eve said, and then turned to Dan, tongue firmly planted in her cheek, “and I don’t need a wand to do it.”

Dan felt a flush creep up his neck and met Eve’s eyes with a cold stare.

“Quite the temper, too,” Eve said to Colin, her gaze never leaving Dan’s. “That will be useful.”

“My thoughts exactly,” Colin agreed. “Well, I’ll leave the two of you to get better acquainted. Go easy on him tonight, Adam.”

“I won’t make any promises I can’t keep, Colin,” Eve said, her voice lower than ever and laced with wickedness. She winked at the director and then Colin was gone, leaving Dan alone with the drag queen. The walls seemed to be closing in and Dan cursed himself for not drinking more than he had. He fought the urge to run after Colin.

Eve…Adam…whoever the hell it was, looked at him curiously, finally saying, “I suppose we’ll have to get to know each other a bit for this to work, Daniel.” She cocked her head to the side, looking for some sort of reaction behind his eyes. Dan refused to give her one. His anger and discomfort had increased by ten-fold, just by being left alone with her. Her and her stupid, fake, beautiful womanly face. “Are you hungry? I always feel famished after a show.”

“Sure,” Dan lied.

“Good. I know a great diner about a block away. Just let me change myself back into Adam.”

As she turned to make her way back to the makeup mirror, Dan turned to go.

“Where are you going?”

“You said you were going to change. I thought I’d give you some privacy,” Dan explained, his hand waiting impatiently to turn the doorknob and get the hell out of the strangely beautiful woman’s – man’s – dressing room.

She shook her head, raven locks shining in the yellow light. “You should stay and see this. It can be your first lesson. How to be a man after walking all day in high heels. Have a seat.”

She motioned to a vacant makeup chair beside hers. Dan felt like his tongue was too big for his mouth, and tried to swallow it down. He was trapped now. _Embrace it, Dan,_ he told himself. _Let yourself become Maggie._

He settled himself into the chair and stared into the mirror at Eve’s reflection. In the antique glass she was even prettier, like an old photograph of a pinup girl. Dan cursed himself for thinking it and clasped his hands together hard in his lap.

“It’s always the wig that goes first,” Eve explained, and she reached up, tugging gently at the hair by her temples. Dan shivered as he watched the long locks rise up, holding their perfect shape, and Eve set the wig down on a mannequin head to her right. She dragged long fingers through her real hair, which was as black as the wig but clipped short in a funky, trendy style. Dan looked back into the mirror and gasped.

She still wore lipstick, and her eyelashes were way too long, but her features had changed entirely. Without the wig to balance them out, they were larger, more prominent and utterly masculine.

It was Adam Lambert, then, who turned to Daniel. “Sorry, I should have warned you. The wig comes off first because it’s the most important thing. Without it, I’m just a silly boy who got into his mother’s cosmetics. The wig is what makes me beautiful.”

Dan looked into Adam’s eyes and he felt something within him quiver. He wanted to argue. Without the wig, he was still beautiful, he just wasn’t a woman. In fact, he might have been prettier as a man. Now his eyes were downright striking, and his cheekbones and dramatic pouty lips made him think of the models he’d seen on the Armani runways. Dan sighed. There were things he knew he could never say aloud.

“I’m sorry. Are you, um…” Adam searched for words, a smile parting his lips just slightly. “Are you more comfortable with me as Eve? I can go out with you as a woman, if that’s what you prefer.”

At that, Dan had to laugh. “We’d be completely inconspicuous then. Short little Harry Potter and a nine foot tall drag queen.”

Adam let a laugh escape his lips, a giggle to be more exact. It was the melodic tone Dan had heard earlier from the stage, and he felt himself sink into the sound. He was suddenly back at the table, watching Eve in all her glory. He drew in a deep breath and looked again in the mirror. Adam was studying him, a smile still planted firmly on his face. Suddenly he stuck his tongue out at Dan.

“I’m just a little over six foot, thanks,” he said. “But of course. I kind of forgot that you need to keep a low profile.”

“L.A. is a lot trickier than London, or even New York. I feel like the paparazzi are everywhere I go.”

Adam nodded and took a tissue from a box on the table. He began to wipe at his lips, taking the red off of them bit by bit. After a few strokes his lips were nude, but the rubbing had left them a tad swollen, even more voluptuous than they had been painted. Dan felt the need to lick his lips in response.

“After the lipstick is gone…well, I’m not sure I can describe it. It’s like lipstick is as important as the wig, it smoothes out all my rough edges, and once it’s gone, part of Eve dies.” Adam crumpled the tissue and turned to Dan. “That was dramatic of me to say. But I suppose the drama’s part of it too. You’ll understand soon enough. Most likely, as soon as you put on a great pair of heels. You’ll recognize that feeling, you’ll love it, and once it’s gone, you’ll miss it.”

“I’m glad you’re confident, at least. I’m not so sure I can pull this off.”

Adam laughed again. “Are you kidding? You’re a brilliant actor, and there’s nothing to being a queen. Really.” Dan’s brow rose. Adam shrugged. “There isn’t. And you _are_ brilliant, you know? I’ve seen Equus. Not just anyone can pull off the role of Alan Strang so well, and emerge with their sanity intact.”

Dan’s mouth fell open, stunned at the compliment. “Thank you,” he managed to mumble.

Adam shrugged again. “Trust me, with my help and your talent, there’s no way you can fail.” With that, he reached up and pulled at the corner of his eye, taking off a row of long black lashes, and then turned to his other eye, and put the fakes carefully inside a little white box. He turned to Dan. “Now do I look like a real boy?”

Dan narrowed his eyes, scrutinizing Adam with mock intensity. It was as if the few laughs they’d shared had dissolved the awkwardness and anger he’d first felt. “Hmnn… there’s still a lot of makeup there…and, um… you’re still wearing a dress.”

Adam laughed again, loudly and more strongly than Dan had yet heard from him. “I suppose I still have a long way to go. I barely feel the makeup anymore, and the dress is like a second skin.”

Adam reached into a bag and withdrew a small packet of what looked like tissues. He held the packet in front of Dan’s face. “Makeup remover wipes. Buy them in bulk.”

“Noted,” Dan said with a nod, and watched as Adam rubbed his entire face with the cloth. Perfect paint gave way to perfect skin, pale and marked with peach freckles. “You have freckles,” Dan remarked in surprise.

“It’s a curse,” Adam said, rolling his eyes. “They cover every inch of me. Yes, every inch.” Adam turned to him and bit his lip, his eyes sparkling with mischief. “You’re cute when you blush, Daniel.”

“Call me Dan, please, and I’m not blushing.”

“Sure. Whatever you say. But I want you to know it’s okay. You can picture me naked and still be perfectly straight.” Dan sent him a death look, which only seemed to egg Adam on. “Some of the straightest men in Hollywood have fallen for Eve. You are straight, right?”

“Yes,” Dan replied, none too quickly. He cursed himself for not sounding confident of his answer.

Adam looked hopelessly amused and completely unconvinced. “Well, I’m sure you’ll find some emotion to build on in creating Matthew then, won’t you?”

“I’m sure.”

“Hopefully they’ll find someone to play Scott soon. There are plenty of gay actors out there. Colin just needs to know where to look.” Adam rose and shimmied his way behind an old silk partition. Within seconds, the glittery black dress was tossed over the side, as well as what looked like a corset. When Adam emerged a few minutes later, he was in head to toe black – skinny jeans and an old Rolling Stones shirt that hugged his body every bit as much as the dress had.

“As you can see, I never wear anything shapeless, so Eve never fully disappears.” He winked at Dan and walked to the mirror, tweaking his hair until the back was standing up chaotically and the front hung perfectly over his eyes. Eyes, Dan noticed, that were still rimmed with the slightest bit of eyeliner. It made him look edgy, mysterious, perhaps even rebellious. He turned back to Dan, focusing his startling eyes on him, and spread his arms wide. “Well? What do you think of Adam? As good as Eve?”

 _Better,_ Dan heard his inner voice say, but he didn’t let that voice escape. “I like this look. More rocker, less pinup, but still good.”

Adam laughed. “You should come see me at the Zodiac tomorrow. I’ll be in full rocker mode then.”

“You’re a chameleon.”

Adam laughed once, a cocky smirk replacing his boyish smile. “Chameleons envy the way I can make myself whatever I want to be.”

Somehow, Dan didn’t doubt it. Adam moved toward the door and crooked a finger at him. For some reason, the little gesture made Dan feel as if he had no will of his own and he followed.

“Off to find sustenance, Mr. Radcliffe, and then you can ask me anything about my fabulous life. My wisdom will be yours, grasshopper. I pray you use it for good and not evil.”

And Dan followed Adam out the back of the club, trying desperately not to notice the femininity that clung to him in the sway of his hips or the girlish light in his eyes. Adam was right, Dan decided. Eve truly never disappeared, and he knew she was going to haunt him.

 

*

 

The diner was nothing more than about eight booths and a lunch counter crammed into a corner of one city block. The smell of grease and bacon flooded Dan’s nostrils as soon as he stepped through the glass door.

“Adam, baby!” A streak of red launched itself at Adam, and before Dan could duck and cover, Adam caught the woman in his arms and swung her around. He threw Dan a look over her shoulder as if to say _I’m sorry I didn’t warn you._ Dan smiled and waited patiently as the woman covered Adam’s face in kisses and grilled him about staying away too long.

“It’s only been three days!” Adam protested.

“That’s nearly a lifetime,” the woman said and he put her back down on the ground. Dan looked her over. She was shorter than he was, which was saying something, and seemed to be all bone. Though she was clearly young at heart, the white roots poking out from under her cherry red hair and the crow’s feet around her eyes said something different. She turned to Dan, looking him over with the same obvious scrutiny. “Who’s your new boy?”

Adam rolled his eyes and sighed; both were done with affection and not annoyance. “He’s not my boy. He’s Daniel Radcliffe, an actor, and I’m helping him with his latest movie.”

The woman gave Adam a sly look. “An actor, huh? And a pretty one, too. What are you helping him with?”

“Drag Queen 101,” Adam said. Just when Dan was about to remark on how impolite it was to talk about him as if he wasn’t standing right there, Adam turned to him. “Dan, this is Jenny, the owner of this place. She feeds me and sticks her nose in my business.”

“Not just yours, sweetheart,” Jenny said, giving Adam a pat on the cheek. “Don’t flatter yourself.”

Adam ignored that. “She’s like a mother to me.”

Jenny promptly cuffed him on the ear.

Adam cleared his throat and amended his previous statement. “She’s like a very cool, slightly older sister. And gorgeous. Did I mention gorgeous?”

Jenny ran her fingers through her hair self-consciously, revealing more white that her bottle red had not covered. “He’s got a silver tongue, Dan. You have to watch out for him. You’re just his type, too.”

“Jenny…” Adam shut his eyes and blushed, leaving Jenny to wink at Dan. Dan laughed, deciding then and there that he liked Jenny. When Adam’s skin had returned to its normal color, Jenny turned them in the direction of an open booth and asked what they wanted to eat.

Dan looked to Adam. “What’s good here?”

Instead of answering, Adam just grinned at Jenny. “My usual, make it two.”

Jenny winked back and disappeared into the kitchen, where the whole diner could hear her barking orders at the cook. Dan turned back to Adam, laughing. “Dare I ask what the usual is?”

“Just trust me.”

“Trust is earned.”

Adam’s blue eyes met his just long enough for Dan to see that he was surprised by that comment. “I suppose that’s something I’ll have to work on before ordering for you again, then.”

“Do you order for everyone you take here, or just the ones who are…how did Jenny put it? Your type?”

“Are you enjoying watching me squirm?”

“Just turning the tables a bit.”

Adam sat back into the booth, looking at Dan as if he were a puzzle to be solved. Finally, after a full minute of silence, he spoke again. “I don’t suppose it was very nice of Vance to introduce me the way he did.”

“I’m sure he did it to show me how real the illusion can look, not to make me uncomfortable,” Dan said. “How long did it take you to learn that?”

“Longer than most,” Adam replied. “I sort of fell into this gig. Obviously it’s not something I do all the time, it’s a job. I never dressed as a woman until I moved to L.A., and it’s not something I would do if I were just going out.”

“You’re saying it’s not a…” Dan searched for the right word.

“Compulsion?” Adam provided, and then shook his head. “No. Not with me, though I know it is for some. For me it’s an act; a character I play. So, to answer your question, when I moved here seven years ago and was looking for work, a friend of mine suggested this to me. I’ve got a high voice, and if you haven’t noticed, I’m a tad…”

“Androgynous?” Dan finished for Adam. The other man nodded.

“It seemed to make sense. It was easy work for someone like me. I’m not the slightest bit shy or inhibited on stage,” Adam smiled distantly, as if remembering something amusing from the past, “which is exactly how a good drag queen should be. So, I guess you could say I was a natural for it in a lot of ways. Easy money, and I needed to pay the rent. It fit.”

Dan leaned forward to reach into his back pocket and withdrew a small notebook. He flipped it open. Adam’s eyes looked at him in questioning. “Sorry. Do you mind if I jot some of this down?”

“Not at all.”

Dan searched inside his jacket pocket for a pen and came up empty handed.

“Here you go, sweetie.” Jenny handed him a pencil as she expertly set two giant chrome glasses of milkshake on the table.

“Thanks,” said Dan, unable to take his eyes off of the milkshake. “Bloody hell…”

“I hope you work out,” Adam said, digging in with a spoon.

“He says as if he hasn’t noticed those forearms,” Jenny chided, elbowing Dan in the shoulder. Adam, for the third time that day, turned deep crimson. She winked at Dan and then called over her shoulder as she left them alone again, “Your order will be up in a few.”

“I like her.”

“Of course you do.” Adam sighed and Dan noticed he tried his best to not make eye contact. “And I think we’re officially even.”

“I agree.” Dan took a sip of his shake and closed his eyes, absorbed in the chocolaty taste on his tongue. “God, that’s good. I haven’t let myself have a milkshake in…years, maybe.”

When he opened his eyes, Adam was looking at him with pity. “That’s sad. You’re only, what? Nineteen?  And already caught up in the game.”

Dan shrugged. “I didn’t want to showcase fat rolls for Equus.”

Adam snorted through a mouthful of milkshake. “Understandable. Besides, don’t listen to my preaching. If I had more than one of these a week, I wouldn’t be able to fit in Eve’s clothes.”

Dan eyed a spoonful of the delicious shake and mumbled thoughtfully, “How do you resist?”

“They are good, aren’t they? I told you to trust me.”

“I’m beginning to.”

The two men smiled at each other, which seemed to send a shot of bashfulness through their systems, and they both quietly lost themselves in their milkshakes for a moment. Finally, Dan spoke again. “So…how long did it take you? To learn how to dress, do your makeup, walk in heels…? And how did you learn to move like…”

“Move like a woman?” Adam raised a brow in a way that Dan could only describe as sexy as hell.

“Yes,” Dan said, shaking the thought from his head and getting ready to write with Jenny’s pencil.

“My _god_ …”

A silky voice echoed from across the small room. A man in tight jeans and a trendy button down shirt had just entered the diner and was staring at Dan and Adam. Dan immediately hid his face, hoping to hell it wasn’t a fan.

“If that’s what you’ve been doing lately, no wonder you’ve been MIA for days.”

Adam cursed under his breath and leaned close to Dan, not moving his lips as he spoke. “You’re about to meet my ex.”

Adam stood, now smiling, and took the other man into his arms. The embrace was not at all like Dan had predicted, given Adam’s reaction to seeing his former lover. In fact, they didn’t seem so “former” at all. Arms encircled, hands disappeared under shirts; their mouths met with greedy exuberance. Dan thought he might have even caught a hint of tongue. He lowered his eyes, feeling like a peeping Tom.

“And is this who I think it is?”

Adam and the ex were both turned toward Dan, and he looked up at them, hoping his face wasn’t too bright red.

“Yes. Brad, this is Dan. Dan? Brad.”

Brad’s dark-eyed gazed traveled up and down Dan slowly before he turned back to Adam, grinning evilly. “Gorgeous. Too young for you, though.”

“The boy is nineteen,” Jenny chimed in as she entered the dining room again, holding a plate in each hand. “It would be legal, at least.”

Adam crossed his arms. “You’ve been eavesdropping.”

“It can’t be considered eavesdropping when you speak as loudly as you do, dear,” Jenny said, winking. She sat a plate in front of Dan and one across from him for Adam. “Eat up, darlin’. From what I hear, you burned a lot of calories tonight. Everyone says it was quite a show.”

“There was someone special in the crowd,” Brad said, his eyes parked on Dan. Adam, Dan noticed, looked like he wanted nothing more than to crawl under the booth and die.

“Isn’t it a shame he’s straight? He’s perfectly Adam’s type,” Jenny added.

“I thought I smelled straight when I walked in,” Brad said, and sniffed the air histrionically.

“I think that was the Soup of the Day,” Dan quipped, and then his company blinked before bursting into laughter, completely in unison.

“God, and he’s funny too. You’ll have to be careful around him, Adam,” Jenny warned, and then she left, still giggling a bit. Adam plopped himself back into the booth. Brad, to Dan’s dismay, plopped himself down next to Adam and immediately started picking off his plate. The familiarity between them made something in Dan’s gut twist. To keep himself occupied, he lifted up the toast of his sandwich. Everything underneath was…green.

“Um…” Adam and Brad looked up. “Where’s the meat?”

“I don’t really like meat,” Adam said and immediately turned to Brad, whose mouth had started to form words. “Don’t say it.”

Brad shrugged and leaned back into the booth. “Too obvious anyway.”

Dan ignored Brad. “You mean this is all…”

“Avocado, tomato, cucumber, and sprouts.”

“You wouldn’t survive a day in London,” Dan said. He gave his sandwich one last frown before biting into it. He chewed slowly, hoping some surprising, delightful flavor would show itself. It didn’t.

“Steak and kidney pies, fish and chips?”

Dan smiled at Adam. “Yes. God, I miss it.”

“Hey Adam, you remember that scene in _Love Actually_ where those slutty girls make the British guy say all those words and giggle?”

Adam bit into his own sandwich and turned to give Brad a glare. “I was asked to be a consultant for Dan, not to torture him,” he said around a mouthful of avocado.

Brad had the decency to at least fake a sheepish look back. He stole a pickle spear from Adam’s plate and bit into it, crunching loudly as he studied Dan again. “A straight guy playing a drag queen. How’s that going for you?”

Dan couldn’t bring himself to offer a smile. Instead he pulled his milkshake toward him and pretended to be completely enthralled with it. “Not well. Which is why I need Adam’s help.”

“Well, you’ve come to the right place. Adam’s the king of queens.”

Adam didn’t glare this time; instead he gave Brad a small kiss on the cheek. “You didn’t make such a bad lady yourself.”

They gazed into each other’s eyes, only inches apart. Brad’s fingers traced Adam’s jaw line. “Next to your beauty, babe, no one noticed me.”

“That’s not true. You were stunning.”

Brad turned his face, looking at Dan, and Adam took the opportunity to bury his head in Brad’s neck. “You saw him tonight, Dan. Do you think there could possibly be anyone prettier than him?”

Dan considered asking Brad if he meant in the dress or out, but let it drop. “No. Not based on what I saw tonight.” Adam stopped his nuzzling and looked up at Dan in surprise. “I just hope I can be half that for the film.”

“With looks like that, kid, there’s no doubt.” The compliment from Brad felt like a slap because as he spoke, his arm slithered around Adam’s shoulders. The meaning could not have been clearer: mine. “Well, I should get going. So many clubs on the agenda tonight.”

Adam nodded to Brad and they untwined themselves. “If you see Landon, give him a kiss for me.”

“I’ll give him a lot more than that if you want,” Brad said, eyebrows wiggling. Adam laughed and the two men kissed once more. “Dan, nice to meet you.”

“You too,” Dan answered politely, and he and Adam watched Brad go. As the door swung shut behind him, Dan turned with a scrutinizing look to Adam. “I thought you said ex.”

“He is an ex,” Adam defended himself.

“An ex is someone you don’t fuck anymore,” Jenny called from somewhere across the dinner, which, to Dan’s amazement, most of the other diners ignored.

“I hate my life,” Adam groaned.

“Because you have people around you who keep you honest?”

“Because nothing is sacred,” Adam sighed, resigned to his plight. “Whenever Brad and I don’t have anyone, we usually end up back together.”

Dan dug deeper. “Because it’s convenient or because it’s real and you can’t fight it?”

Dan watched as Adam’s features fell and his eyes clouded over. “I don’t know.”

            Before Dan realized what he was doing, his hand was across the table, stretched over Adam’s. The brief contact sent a tingle up Dan’s arm, which he couldn’t quite say was pleasant. Adam must have felt it too, because he took his hand back, though he had the manners to do it gently. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.”

            “It’s okay. I kind of gave you permission to ask anything.” Adam pushed his plate away and crossed his arms. Dan felt like it made him a million miles away. “He was jealous of you.”

            “But he knows I’m straight.”

            “Doesn’t matter. He’s irrational and possessive.” Adam finally smiled. “To answer the question you asked before we got so rudely interrupted…It took me a long time to figure out how to become a woman. We should…well, we should start now. You up for it?”

            _No._ “Yes.”

            “Good. I have a few wigs at home you’re going to love.”

            “Home?” Dan’s voice almost squeaked with the question.

            “Of course. My collection is far too big to keep anywhere else.” Adam threw a twenty on the table, which Dan didn’t have time to argue over, as Adam was already heading out the door. “Bye Jenny!”

            “Bye hon! You get yourself in here more often!”

            “Yes ma’am!”

            “Don’t you dare yes ma’am me, you little brat!”

            Dan turned to wave to Jenny as well and her face immediately softened. “Goodbye sweetheart. You go easy on my boy.”

            “I promise.”

            When he got out to the street, Adam rolled his eyes at him. “Don’t encourage her.”

            “She likes me.”

            “Of course she does.”

            “Because I’m your type?” Dan asked, fake sweetness dripping from his voice, his eyelashes fluttering. When Adam turned to look at him, he pretended to swoon.

            Adam’s face, which had boasted a look of annoyance just a second ago, was now plastered with a look of utter awe. “That expression, right there.”

            “This?” Dan asked, fluttering his eyelashes again.

            “No, no, the one you did after that.”

            “This?” Dan asked again, fixing his face into the swooning expression again. “Adoration?”

            Adam shook his head and took a step closer to Dan so that they were almost touching. “No, not adoration. That’s not what you need. Innocence. That’s what makes the men go crazy; that’s why Scott falls for Matthew. And Maggie. Memorize that.”

            For a moment, the two stood in the middle of the busy sidewalk, Dan’s face a portrait of innocence, Adam’s a picture of intrigue. Then, finally, Adam said in a breathless voice, “Let’s go.”

 

            *

 

            Someone was singing. Dan didn’t open his eyes, afraid the dream would end. He wanted the singing to go on forever. The voice was so strong, so soothing, so high and flexible, and it made his aching head feel so good. On and on it soared into the stratosphere, reaching a dizzying height before it made a rapid descent down and then rose again, this time even higher than the last.

            A door slammed shut, and Dan bolted upright. He was on a couch, a red overstuffed couch, in an unfamiliar room. Sunlight trickled in through a small window in front of his face, and there was another to his left, and it looked directly into the side of another building. Dan turned his head in the direction of the noise.

            Brad stood inside the doorway, staring at him with an amused expression. “Well, someone spent the night.”

            _Shit. I’m in Adam’s apartment. In the morning._ His sluggish brain tried to piece together the last evening’s events.

“Adam, uh, wanted to teach me a few things.”

            Brad raised a brow. “I’m sure you received quite an education.”

            Dan was about to defend himself again when the voice from his dreams stretched up an octave, nearly rattling the walls of the apartment building. Dan’s head automatically turned toward the sound, which seemed to be coming from a small hallway at his back. For the first time, he heard water running too. “Is that…?”

            “Adam.” The definition of nonchalance, Brad turned and began to fill a coffee pot in the small kitchen that was not at all separate from the living room.

            Dan was astounded. “But…I mean…I heard him last night at the club, but not…” Where were his words? “He didn’t sound like this. That’s so high, so…”

            “Gorgeous?” Brad supplied as he shoved the coffee pot into the machine and turned to Dan with a smile. “He’s just getting warmed up. You haven’t heard anything yet.”

            As if on cue, Adam’s voice climbed up and up, and Dan felt his body rise with it. The voice held him up, suspended, until it fell into more masculine depths again, and Dan slumped over with it. Brad started to laugh, a low sound bubbling up from his chest. “Perfect, isn’t it?”

            “How does he…” Dan couldn’t complete his thought. Instead he just grinned stupidly at Brad.

            “I know. I can’t even imagine what it must feel like to wake up every morning and know you have that voice, and it’ll do anything you want it to do.” Brad rolled his eyes and then opened up a cabinet next to his head, extracting two coffee mugs. “Not to mention he’s got that whole tall, dark and handsome thing going for him too.”

            Brad sounded sad, and the sudden change in his tone put a dozen questions on Dan’s tongue, each of them too personal to ask. Luckily, he didn’t have the chance to make a social faux pas. The water and the voice stopped and Brad moved toward the hallway expectantly. Adam emerged from behind a door, bathed in a cloud of steam. His black hair hung in his face, heavy with water, and droplets clung to his skin still, which was bare. And, Dan could see, it was indeed dotted with freckles, as he’d admitted the night before. A white towel was tied around his waist, accenting just how long and how defined his torso was, and it curved like a V into his hips. With a build like that, it was no wonder he looked so good in a dress.

            _So good…_

As if Dan needed more of a reason to blush, he watched awkwardly as Brad slipped a finger underneath the knot of the towel and gave a playful tug. Adam laughed silkily and grabbed his hand, stopping him just in time with a whispered plea for modesty. He tugged the other boy to him, and Dan looked away as Brad’s hands began to slide up Adam’s wet body. He heard the soft smack and sighs of kisses and wished he could just disappear. Then there was a whisper.

            “How was Landon?”

            There was a low chuckle. “Too tired and bitchy to handle me.”

            “I’m never too tired for you.”

            Dan could hear lips meeting again, and then something like a groan. “Later. Right now you have a sexy Englishman on your couch.”

            “Oh yes…” Dan could hear the smile in Adam’s voice. “Dan? You want breakfast?”

            Dan looked up, making sure to keep his eyes aimed high. Adam was in front of him now, apparently totally at ease in nothing but a towel. Dan reminded himself that he’d been in less in front of thousands of people and felt the rash of embarrassment fade from his neck. “I should probably get back. I have to go into the studio today, do a couple read-throughs with some actors up for the part of Scott.”

            Adam nodded, looking at him with a kind but curious expression. He ran a hand through his hair, making it stick up in odd clumps. Dan pretended not to see the way his skin stretched tight across his chest with that movement. “Tonight I’ll be at the Zodiac. You should come see me perform when I’m not in a dress.”

            “You’ll get to hear those high notes you liked so much again,” Brad said, appearing suddenly beside the couch.

            Adam grinned. “You like my high notes?”

            Damn, the blush was back. And Christ, his head hurt. “Yeah. You sounded great just now, even if you did wake me up.”

            “Nothing better to wake up to,” Brad said, causing Adam’s smile to widen even more.

            Dan began to move, slowly, swinging his legs off the couch. He was wearing only his jeans and so he crossed his arms over his chest as he looked around the room for his shirt.

            “Dan,” Adam said, and threw his shirt at him. Dan caught it and tugged it over his head as quickly as he could. He couldn’t remember taking it off, but he and Adam had opened a bottle of red wine after a lesson in lipstick application, to make the shock of seeing himself as a woman a little easier to take. The wine had gone straight to his head, and now it felt like it was still sloshing around in his brain. Could he still be a bit drunk?

            Adam giggled, and Dan looked at him. “What?”

            “We really went overboard on your eyeliner last night. You look like a raccoon.”

            “You always have a heavy hand with that, babe,” Brad said, laughing too. He moved back into the kitchen, pouring himself a cup of coffee, which he drank without adding milk. “Now Dan’s going to pick up on your bad habits.”

            Adam gave Brad an exaggerated pout and Dan had a brief vision of himself nibbling on it before he could stop it.

“I thought you liked my eyeliner,” Adam said.

            Brad laughed. “Go get dressed. You have a lot to do today. Mainly me. On second thought, don’t get dressed.”

            Adam turned back to Dan, smirking. “Sorry. Guess I’ll see you tonight?”

            “Yeah,” Dan said, nodding a bit. “See you tonight.”

            Before he was quite out the door, Brad was shoving Adam up against the kitchen counter, and Dan pulled the door shut as fast as he could. He leaned against it, letting out a shaky breath.

 

            *

 

            The Zodiac theater might as well have been on a different planet from the club he’d seen Adam perform in the night before. It was pitch black inside, and Dan could see in the brief moments when the strobes lit up the room, that everything had been painted as dark as possible. Even the tops of the bar and the scattered tables were black. There seemed to be a coat of glitter on everything too, so that when the flashing lights hit moving objects, they shimmered like diamonds for a split second. The room itself rose up for about four stories at least, and there was a balcony that Dan could just make out. Performers were onstage already, and Dan hoped he hadn’t missed Adam. It had taken longer at the studio than he had thought it would, and they were still without an actor to play Scott. The two hopefuls, though decent enough actors, had fallen pathetically short in the chemistry department.

            Dan had to wonder if he was the problem, not the other way around.

            He made his way across the theater, through the maze of gyrating bodies. There wasn’t a dance floor, per se, but it was obvious that that didn’t matter to anyone here. He apologized politely to everyone he bumped into, though they didn’t seem to notice. Looking down at his outfit for the night – a tight black shirt and a nice pair of jeans – he couldn’t help but think he’d underdressed. The crowd around him was nothing short of glamorous, if not unconventional. Dan had never seen so much shiny, skintight material in his life, and it seemed that the look for the club was sleek, edgy, and pure style. It was as if every person here had raided Adam’s closet.

            _Adam’s closet…_

            Dan remembered rifling through the many racks of clothing in Adam’s bedroom, gradually moving from tight but masculine to flowing and feminine. He’d found a short cocktail dress that fit him as well as could be expected, considering Adam’s height, and had to down a glass of wine all at once while looking at himself in the mirror.

            Adam had laughed at his expression. “It’ll be better once you let me wax those eyebrows.”

            “I like my eyebrows,” Dan had complained, tugging at the bushy things above his eyes.

            “Really?” Adam had asked, incredulous, and Dan had pretended to be hurt. Adam had laughed at him. “See? Already getting into the drama…” Adam had teased, and then his arms had gone around Dan’s waist and he’d been pulled into Adam’s embrace. In his drunkenness, he’d almost fallen asleep standing up against Adam’s chest, feeling comforted by the scent of him, the way his arms made Dan feel secure. Before he’d been able to think on it much more, Adam had pulled away, laughing. “Looks like you need to crash, Dan. We’ll save the waxing for later.”

            Dan had turned to look at himself in the mirror one more time. He had looked like a frightened little girl, save for his eyebrows. Was this how Maggie would look? Or would Maggie have more confidence, like Eve?

            “Dan!” A voice interrupted his thoughts, and Dan looked over to see Brad waving at him. He wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or annoyed. As much as he could have used a familiar face in this strange theater, Brad’s was definitely not his first choice.

            Dan made his way to a high table that Brad and his group of friends were standing around. He had his arm around a guy with skin the color of strong coffee, with eyes to match.

            “Dan, this is Landon,” Brad introduced, and went on naming the various others in the group. Dan didn’t even try to remember names, though he was sure they were all Adam’s friends as well. He couldn’t take his eyes off of the way Brad was holding on to Landon. “And this is Dan. Adam’s helping him with his new movie.”

            “Oh yes, Harry Potter the drag queen,” Landon said in a deep voice, and the table laughed.

            Dan ignored them. “Did I miss Adam?”

            “Honey, no,” said a girl close to him with fuchsia hair. “The Zodiac always saves the best for last.”

            “And our boy is definitely the best,” Landon said, looking straight at Brad. The two exchanged a look that was far too intimate for the large crowd around them to witness. Dan felt his stomach clench into the knot that was becoming a common occurrence in his life. The knot twisted sharply when Landon ran his tongue over Brad’s bottom lip, and Brad shivered in response.

            “Knock it off, you two, or you’re going to miss your boy,” the fuchsia girl said pointedly, and when Dan looked over at her, she nodded toward the stage. Suddenly, the theater went black. If a cheer hadn’t risen up immediately from the crowd, Dan would have asked if there was a power outage. The cheers went on, into catcalls and then frantic screaming, and then the stage burst into flame.

            “Bloody hell!” Dan exclaimed, but his voice was lost in the roar of the fire and the screams of everyone around him, and then a guitar cut through everything else, screeching and wailing like a cat in heat. Then, rising out of the blackness of the stage, a man made of gold started to sing.

            _“Hey hey mama, said the way you move, gonna make you sweat, gonna make you groove.”_

            The voice. It was the sound coming from Adam’s shower early that morning, but not. This sound was much more aggressive, much more…primal. Dan felt his jaw drop just as the golden man began to move. He walked – no, _swaggered_ – to center stage. About six spotlights swung around the room and then converged on him, and Dan sucked in a breath. It was indeed Adam, but unlike he’d ever seen him. He looked like Ziggy Stardust and the Goblin King had abducted him, coated him in gold paint, poured him into liquid metal pants and then made him sing for his membership in the Glittery Sex God Club. Dan was pretty sure what he was wearing was called a catsuit. It covered his legs and a V over some of his torso, and it clung to every single inch of Adam’s body. Every single curve, dip, swell…

            “Christ I love that outfit…” Landon mumbled, and Brad could only nod faintly in agreement. His eyes were plastered to Adam, who was dancing like a stripper without a pole onstage. Dan followed his line of sight exactly, and didn’t know whether to be amused or angry when he realized Brad was not looking at Adam’s broad chest, his trim waist, or even the rounded globes of his ass. It was the bulge between his legs that had Brad’s complete attention.

            “Boy’s got a lot to be proud of,” Fuchsia purred.

            “Yes…all that wonderful…talent…” Landon murmured.

            “Inches and inches of it…” Brad panted.

            _“Oh oh child, the way you shake that thing, gonna make you burn, gonna make you sting.”_

            In spite of the obvious manly figure in front of him, as Adam danced, it was the sway of his hips and the graceful way his arms moved through the air that fascinated Dan. The stage was suddenly flooded with other dancers and the lights came up. Dan almost shut his eyes. The sound, the spectacle, the flashiness of it all was almost too much for his poor senses to handle, but he didn’t dare miss a moment. Adam’s voice rose over all of it as he worked the entire stage, grinding on one dancer, then the next. But even as the stage erupted with glitter and fire and sex, it was the voice that kept Dan so rapt. The voice. The range that just never quit, the hard edge that was more like a moan than a tune, the flexibility that allowed it to be a musical acrobat – it was as if Adam was singing some sort of enchantment that rendered everyone in theater completely useless.

            _Enchantment? What was this, Hogwarts?_ Dan sighed at himself and then risked another glance at Brad. He was still staring hungrily at Adam, but Landon’s hands were all over him, roaming to areas not suitable for public. Brad pressed himself back into the other man, and Dan felt sickness rise up into his throat. _How could he do that right in front of Adam?_

“Hey Potter,” Fuchsia said, tapping him on the shoulder. “Looks like you’re about to be part of the show.”

            _Oh my fucking god…_

Adam was dancing down the stairs, strutting toward him, still singing Led Zeppelin in a way that made Robert Plant look like an amateur. Dan felt his eyes go wide in shock and he would have sold his soul right then and there to be able to escape, but his feet were rooted to the spot. His own shock had petrified him.

            _“All I ask for when I pray,”_ Adam sang, drawing it out so that the music slowed almost to a halt, and his voice fell deep into his chest. _“Steady rollin’ woman gonna come my way.”_ Adam moved closer. The fingers on his free hand traced a line slowly from Dan’s shoulder to his palm, and then Adam’s hand closed over his. _“Need a woman gonna hold my hand,”_ Adam sang, low and breathy, and moved even closer to Dan, pressing his long body against Dan’s. Dan became suddenly conscious of every single inch of Adam against him, how hard and hot his body was in comparison to his own. Adam pulled his hand behind Dan’s back, trapping him into an embrace. Dan felt all the eyes in the theater staring at him, most of them like daggers. Then Adam’s knee was between his and he felt Adam…move. Against him. Pressure, friction, slow grinding on his hip. Fire leapt straight to his crotch. _“Tell me no lies, make me a happy man.”_

Adam finished the song on a note that was so low he almost couldn’t sing it, and then the lights went off and his body was no longer against Dan’s. In the cold wake that followed Adam’s absence, the crowd let out a ferocious roar for more, and Dan’s fitful mind called out in quiet, agonized agreement. He wanted to search for Adam in the blackness, find him and make him explain the magic he’d just done; how he could have possibly made him feel so owned in such a short amount of time, how he had given him such an aching longing, like a neglected dog longs for its master. The lights came back on, and Dan tried to pull himself together. Letting out a shaky breath that did nothing to relieve his tension, he turned back to the people gathered at his table, who were watching him with a mixture of resentment and shock.

            “He looks like how I feel,” Landon mused, not completely without mirth.

             “Like you just got hit with the sex stick?” Brad asked. Dan couldn’t help but notice that his stance had changed dramatically. He had stepped away from Landon, his arms crossed, his expression hard. Dan felt himself shrink under the stare. Though Brad’s voice was loud enough for the entire theater to hear, he spoke only to Dan. “That was only a little dancing. You can imagine what fucking him is like.”

            A shiver ran down Dan’s spine as the table reacted to this, whooping and yelling and egging Brad on. Dan turned away, uncomfortable with the direction the conversation had turned and, if he was honest with himself, still reeling from what Adam had done.

            “Don’t listen to them, Daniel,” Fuchsia said next to him. She drummed her long fingernails (which matched her hair) on the sparkling tabletop. “They’re just sore cause Adam’s never done that with any of them.”

            “Never?”

            Fuchsia turned to him, her expression clearly implying that he was thick. “Never, hon. Adam doesn’t leave the stage like that. Ever. Security here isn’t good enough. But something made him brave the crowd tonight.” She let her eyes rove appreciatively over Dan’s body and then winked. “Wonder what that could be?”

            Dan didn’t have time to choke out a response because a woman with a headset appeared at his side. “Mr. Radcliffe, Mr. Lambert has requested your presence backstage.” Dan followed the woman, not looking back. He could only imagine the expression on Brad’s face. Music had started to play through the theater’s speakers, and the place was quickly emptying.

            _Adam doesn’t leave the stage like that. Ever._

The woman’s words thundered in his head. But Adam had left the stage. _Why?_ Dan asked himself. _What was his game? Did he want to show off his celebrity friend? To make him uncomfortable? Or was he trying to prove something?_    

            The woman he’d followed led him to a dressing room and opened the door. This dressing room, as opposed to the one the night before, was considerably less…private. Just about all the dancers and singers were cramped in a small space in various degrees of dress and makeup. No one seemed to notice him, and Dan had to look around the small room for a minute before finding Adam. He was in the corner. Four well-muscled men were around him, wiping his body clean of the gold paint.

            When he saw Dan, his face lit up. “Dan!” he called, beckoning him over.

            The last thing on earth Dan wanted to do was cross the dressing room and watch as men with muscles like he’d never have fawned all over Adam. Yet, somehow, he moved forward until he was standing in front of the taller man.

            “Well, what did you think?”

            Dan couldn’t find words to describe the show he’d just seen, nor did he care to try. He stared at Adam, coldly. The light in Adam’s eyes grew dim.

            “Why did you do that?”

            Dan’s question was barely audible, but the four men tending to Adam instantly bristled at the tone. Adam himself looked hurt and confused. “Do what?”

            “Dance. With me. Like that.”

            A smile crept over Adam’s face and he waved Dan away. “Oh, that. I do that all of the time. Part of the act. I probably should have warned you first.”

            “It’s not part of the act.”

            Adam paused and looked at him, obviously caught in his lie. “Well, I may not do it every night.”

            “You’ve never done it!” At this, the entire room full of people dropped what they were doing to see what was going on. A few noble people whispered that they ought to leave and give Adam privacy, but no one did. “What are you trying to do to me?”

            Adam shooed the other men away from him and took a step closer to Dan, leaning down a bit so that he could look directly into the actor’s eyes. “I’m sorry, Daniel. I should have realized what could happen to a person of your status if I made you part of my act. It could have been dangerous.”

            “Fuck dangerous!” Dan hadn’t realized until now exactly how loud he was being. He felt the tiny muscles in his throat burn, and he didn’t care. “What do you want from me? Are you trying to make me uncomfortable?”

            The warm silver of Adam’s eyes steeled. “I see. Tell me, Daniel…how the fuck do you expect to play a queer when you can’t even stand to be touched by one?”

            “It’s not that. That’s…that’s not…” Dan shut his eyes and immediately, his brain thought of Spencer and Lorenzo in defense. Spencer and Lorenzo, his friends from Equus, who had both been so beautiful, so sexy. He thought of the way they’d touch him – light, flirting touches that were more a promise than a caress, or the way they would brush his lips with theirs in the darkness of the stage wings, always bringing him close to the line but never once asking him to cross it. Never once asking at all. And always, _always,_ he could trust that they’d never speak a word of it to anyone, that it would always be their secret. But he couldn’t say that; he couldn’t give that defense. He shook his head, the only argument he had to offer.

            “Oh shit…” Adam whispered, and then he stood up and addressed the others in the room. “Could you all find somewhere else to be, please?”

            There were disgruntled groans and a few chuckles, fabrics swished and feet tapped, and then everything was still. Dan knew everyone but Adam had gone.

            “Dan, look at me.”

            Dan forced himself, miserably, to look at Adam. Adam’s eyes were kind, concerned, and his hand was on his cheek, warm and reassuring. He felt himself lean into it automatically.

            “Is there something you need to tell me?”

Dan shook his head.

“Nothing you need to get off your chest or anything?”

Dan imagined, just momentarily, what it would be like to tell Adam everything, to tell him the things he’s discovered about himself in the past few years, to spit out all the of dangerous, thrilling secrets all at once.

Instead, he pulled himself together and mustered every bit of acting chops he had.

“I’m glad we’re getting to know each other, Adam, but something like that can’t happen again. There are eyes everywhere. Cameras everywhere. And I can’t—”

“You can’t have rumors about you and some gay guy looking cozy in the tabloids.”

“I can’t have any rumors at all,” Dan corrected softly. “I am the star of the biggest movie franchise in history and I am trying to become a serious actor, and I can’t do that if people can’t take _me_ seriously because my face is on the cover of every glossy at the checkout counter. My private life is private. My public life is dignified and professional. Can I trust you to help me keep it that way?”

Adam appeared taken aback, perhaps even hurt. He opened his mouth as if to speak and then shut it again, nodding.

“Good,” Dan said, but was unsure if he really meant it. He had half hoped Adam would argue with him, press him further.

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I don’t hang out with famous movie stars much.”

Dan gave Adam a small smile. “Forgotten. Let’s not think on it anymore. So tell me, what’s on the agenda tonight?”

Adam wiggled his eyebrows, and both men were grateful that the tension was dissipating. “Let’s go back to my place. Vance and I have a surprise for you, and we need to get started on those eyebrows of yours.”

             “A surprise?” Dan asked, grimacing.

            “You bet,” Adam said, smiling a naughty smile. “But first I need a shower, or I’ll be gold all week. Let’s go.”

 

 

            Dan was surrounded by mounds of lavender scented bubbles. There was a glass of wine in his hand, which dangled over the edge of the tub, candles in a matching scent were scattered about the small bathroom, and the soothing sound of Enya’s latest CD came from a hidden speaker behind his head. All of this almost made up for the fact that his face felt like it had been ripped off his skull. Almost.

            To be fair, Adam had warned him. He’d leaned forward after he’d poured hot wax on Dan’s face, affixed strips of cloth to that wax, and whispered in a calming tone, “This is going to hurt like a motherfucker.”

            Two hours later, after being plucked and waxed and shaved and Nair-ed until he was practically bald all over, Adam had drawn a bath for him and left him with a nice bottle of red.

            There was a soft knock and Adam entered the room. “How’s your face?”

            “I think it’s bleeding.”

            “Pussy.”

            Dan giggled and sank lower into the water, letting the warmth cover his chest. He poured more wine into his mouth and hummed with delight. Adam sat on the edge of the tub and studied him with amused interest. “They do look much better,” he said.

            “Hey, my eyebrows are my trademark.”

            “Thank god you’re going to have to find a new one, then,” came Adam’s retort, and Dan flicked bubbles at him. The two laughed and Dan quieted first, wanting to hear the way Adam’s soft voice echoed around the tiled room. It was much more soothing than Enya. Christ, how many glasses of wine had he had?

            Then Adam dipped a hand into the water and pulled up one of Dan’s feet. He ran a hand up Dan’s calf, up to his knee and back down to his ankle. “Very smooth. You did well. You could use a little color, though.”

            Adam stood and began to rummage in the cabinet underneath the sink. He pulled out what looked like a giant, pink tackle box.

            “Are we going fishing, is that the surprise?”

            Adam sent him a look. “Smartass.” He opened the tackle box, revealing a rainbow of nail polish bottles. “What do you think? Red to start?”

            “You’re going to paint my toenails?”

            “Unless you’d like to try it yourself.”

            Dan giggled again and took another sip of wine, saying into the glass, “What’s the fun in that? Then maybe afterward, Mary Sue, we can watch Zac Efron movies and dance around in our underwear to the Jonas Brothers.”

            Adam didn’t miss a beat, and replied in falsetto, “Gee, Sally Jane, that would be swell. And then we could play Truth or Dare. I want to know how far you’ve gone with Johnny.”

            Dan threw his head back with laughter. He reached for the bottle of wine, which was resting on the floor by the tub, and groaned when Adam snatched it up before he could. “Nuh uh. Not tonight. You’re going to be sober tonight when you face Maggie.”

            “That’s not fair,” Dan whined.

            “Stop being such a girl.”

            “That’s the goal, isn’t it?”

            Adam snorted and took his seat on the tub again. He rolled up his jeans, revealing smooth legs to match Dan’s and pulled a towel off the rack behind himself. Soon his feet were in the warm water with Dan’s. “God, that feels good. I’ve been on my feet all day, and those fucking boots are worse than stilettos.”

            He took one of Dan’s feet in his hands again and set it down in his lap. His hands moved over Dan’s legs once more, this time using a towel to soak up all the suds and water. Dan heard himself emit a low, ragged sound and he closed his eyes, feeling nothing but the slight pressure of Adam’s hands on his leg. When he opened his eyes again, Adam had abandoned the towel and was checking for water with his bare hands, concentrating intently on what he was doing. Dan studied him. He had showered as soon as they’d arrived back at his apartment, and his hair had dried naturally, framing his face with a bit of a wave. In the candlelight, his pale, freckled skin made a sharp contrast to the dark lashes that brushed his cheek, and his eyes glowed a warm, liquid blue. He was gorgeous like this, raw, natural, unfussy.

            Satisfied, Adam twisted off the top of the nail polish and set to work painting. Dan cleared his throat. “I’m really sorry about earlier.”

            “Why are you apologizing? I should have known better.”

Dan shrugged. “I don’t know how you would have. Besides, my little freak out meant that I didn’t get to tell you how good you were tonight. Your voice is a force of nature.”

            “How was the rest of me?”

            Because Adam’s eyes were twinkling with mischief and Dan hated for a challenge to go unanswered, Dan held Adam’s gaze and said, “Sexy.”

            A slight blush rose in Adam’s cheeks, telling Dan he hadn’t expected that answer at all.

            “But of course you knew that. And everyone else agreed. Especially Brad.” Adam looked up, the small brush in his hand paused over one of Dan’s toenails. “He seemed a bit hurt that you’d never come down from the stage for him.”

            “I probably shouldn’t have done that with him there tonight…”

            “Right. You don’t want to hurt his feelings,” Dan said, and he was surprised at the bitterness he heard in his tone. “Even if he’s apparently free to grope anything that moves right in front of you.”

            “That’s unfair,” Adam said. He shoved Dan’s foot off his knee and it landed in the water with a splash.

            “How is it unfair? It’s the truth,” Dan challenged. The wine was lowering that filter between his brain and his tongue. _Damn._

            “It’s not the truth. You don’t know him. It’s complicated…you wouldn’t understand.”

            “Then explain it to me like I’m a six year old. Because as it stands, he makes me sick, and if I keep misunderstanding him and his snide little remarks, I’m going to bash his pretty little face in.”

            Adam’s eyes narrowed. “What did he say to you tonight?”

            “It doesn’t matter,” Dan said, more quietly this time. “It was more what he didn’t say, really. I wouldn’t be surprised if I come home to a horse head in my bed tomorrow.”

            Adam cringed. “I told you he was a jealous guy.”

            “And again, we’re back to this. How come he’s allowed to be jealous, but you’re not?”

            Adam took a moment to compose himself, then he dug Dan’s other foot out of the water and began to dry it in earnest. When he spoke, his voice was weak. Rough. “Brad and I were together for two years. I guess you could say he was my first real boyfriend. Everyone up until this point had been just…experimentation or…I don’t know…a quick fuck, safely locked inside a closet. But when I moved here, it was so easy to be myself. To come out and live proudly and loudly… and he was the first person to know me in that light. And he was the first person I could honestly say I loved.”

            Dan watched as Adam’s eyes softened with sadness. It was almost poetic the way that melancholy lingered with the dancing flames reflected in them.

            “But I guess, to that end, I was naïve. I wanted something lasting. I couldn’t understand why anyone would want to be alone, or change lovers every day.” Adam paused to swallow hard. “I guess you could say that I wanted a lot more from him than he was willing to give. He tried really hard, but he just didn’t want what I wanted. And after about the tenth time of walking in on him and another man, I told him it was all or nothing. He chose nothing.”

            Adam twisted the cap onto the bottle and admired his handiwork. Dan watched his face flicker with a smile, then fall again. “You still love him.”

            “Yes. Always will.” Adam traced a vein on Dan’s leg with his finger. Dan caught himself before he could sigh. “But he’ll always love me, too. That’s the problem. We love each other too much to say goodbye, but we can’t fulfill each other’s needs.”

            “Sounds to me like if you’d just say goodbye for real, you might find someone who can.” Adam looked up at Dan sharply, so the boy quickly backpedaled. “But what do I know? I might be an experienced actor, but I’m not exactly an experienced human being.”

Dan watched as the weight of that settled on Adam, then added, “That whole theater wanted you tonight, Adam. If Brad doesn’t realize how lucky he is, he’s insane.”

            Adam raised a brow. “You really don’t like him, do you?”

            “I’m fiercely protective of my friends. At least that’s what Rupert and Lorenzo say.”

            “Ah, yes, Lorenzo…” Adam sighed and Dan echoed the sentiment in the privacy of his mind. “What a body on that man. Wait a minute. Are you saying you consider me a friend?”

            “Yes, of course. I know it’s only been what, two days? And look at me. Comfortable enough with you to let you see me naked.”

            “You’re covered in bubbles, Dan.”

            “Ah, that’s true.”

            “And you’ve let about a million people see you naked.”

            Dan tossed him a haughty look. “Fine, then. I let you see me in drag.”

            “You’re not doing well here. That’s my job.”

            “What’s my surprise, anyway?”

            “You’re changing the subject.”

            “That’s my prerogative. I’m a big movie star. Now do as I say.” Dan winked.

            Adam rolled his eyes. “Get out of there and I’ll show you.” Adam made no move to turn around or give any sort of privacy to Dan, so Dan made a circular motion with his hand emphatically.

            “Look away, pervert.”

            “Can’t blame a boy for trying.”

            “Fine, then.” Dan stood up so quickly the water made a small tsunami in the tub, and Adam screeched and shielded his eyes.

            “Jesus Christ! You have no decency.”

            “Aww, and it turns out the drag queen is chivalrous. Now, where’s my present?” Dan asked as he dried himself off with a fresh towel.

            Adam groped his way to the door, one hand firmly planted over his eyes, and as he made his way down the hallway, Dan could hear him say in a British accent, “Cheeky bastard.”

            The present turned out to be _presents_. Colin Vance had worked some magic with the wardrobe department and had sent Adam shopping with free use of a credit card. Adam had scoured the best boutiques in L.A. and had come home with no less than five dresses with tags on them with names like Chanel and de la Renta. Accompanying those dresses were shoes and bags and all manner of accessories that Dan was sure Emma was going to covet enough to make herself sick. All, of course, perfectly matched to the dresses.

            Dan chose something that Adam described as silk taffeta to try on first. The dress was deep blue, cut short in the leg with a wide belt around the center.

            He’d done his own makeup, with Adam supervising, and was wearing a bobbed, black wig. As soon as Adam zipped up the back of the dress, Dan felt a change sweep over him. 

            “Dear lord…”

            “Look at yourself, Dan.”

            They stood in front of a full length mirror. Dan glanced at himself, sucked in a sharp breath, and then turned away. “I don’t even need to look. I know.”

            “You’re stunning.” Adam pushed his body gently, so that he was facing the mirror again. “Go on. Look. What do you see?”

            “Not Dan, that’s for sure,” he said, staring at the pretty young girl in the mirror. Her eyes sparkled deep blue, almost matching the dress, and they were wide with anticipation. Adam was right. Without so much brow, he looked positively feminine. This time the girl didn’t look scared, either. He looked closer. “No, I can hardly see Dan at all.”

            Adam smiled at his reflection. “You don’t even look like a drag queen. You just look real. What a fantastic illusion. I bet if you went out tonight, you’d have a hundred guys fall at your feet.”

            Dan laughed and watched the girl in the mirror, mesmerized as her painted lips stretched seductively into a grin. “I’ve been practicing walking in heels. I’m not sure I’m good enough to make a debut yet.”

            Adam cocked his head. “Let’s try it.”

            “Tonight?”

            “No,” he answered, shaking his head. “Tomorrow. We should go out for dinner, see if you can pull it off.”

            “A girls’ night out?” Dan asked.

            Adam laughed heartily. “No. As a straight couple. I’ll play your boyfriend.”

            Dan planted his tongue in his cheek. “Not sure which one of us will fail first.” Adam gave him a small shove and Dan almost toppled over in his heels. Dan shoved him back.

            “Now now, that’s not ladylike.”

            Dan rolled his eyes. “Where would you like to go? Koi?”

            Adam froze. “Koi? You could get us into Koi?”

            “Am I a celebrity, or am I a celebrity?”

            “Christ,” Adam murmured, then his eyes grew huge, almost like he got spooked. “Are you sure you want to go there? The paparazzi camp out there, don’t they?”

            Dan just smiled. “I guess if I can get past them, I pass the test, don’t I?”

            Adam stared at Dan for a moment before a grin spread across his face. “I like your style, Radcliffe. Let’s crack open another bottle of wine.”

            “I thought you said I had to face Maggie sober tonight.”

            Adam nodded solemnly. “You did, and now you know she’s there, and you know how to find her. That feeling you feel right now? The one where you feel powerful and gorgeous and fragile all at the same time?” Dan nodded his answer. “That’s your inner woman. Don’t ever lose her.”

             Dan turned to look at the beautiful creature in the mirror again and understood. “Adam, do you have any pinot?”

 

            *

 

            Dan woke to darkness, his left arm numb and tingly. He laid on something soft. A bed, maybe?  He tried to move but found that side of his body was pinned down by something big, hard, and hot.

            Adam.

            Christ, how had they ended up like this? The last thing Dan could remember was prancing around the apartment in his new heels, Adam watching and giggling from the couch, and the coffee table… The coffee table covered with a few bottles of wine, glasses, splotches of fruity reds and whites…

            _Shit._

Adam mumbled something in his sleep that sounded like, “I don’t want to dance anymore,” and burrowed his head into the mattress. His arm wound tighter around Dan, and a lightning bolt shot straight down from Dan’s chest to his groin. It was the middle of the night and no one was around to see it, so Dan curled into Adam in response. Adam’s reaction was instantaneous. He molded his long body around Dan’s, pulling him completely into his arms. Dan stretched against him, letting his body meet Adam’s, his hand threading through the black hair that rested against his pillow. It didn’t seem to be enough for any part of his body, which seemed to call out for more desperately, and Dan couldn’t ignore the hardness between his legs. Nor could he ignore the way Adam’s body answered in kind, pressing into his hip. For several long minutes, Dan concentrated on matching his breathing to Adam’s, and the tension passed. Relaxed and languid again, Dan fell back asleep.

            When he woke again, it was still pitch black in the apartment, and Adam was still in his arms. But there was the sound of someone else’s breathing in the room. Adam stirred and untangled himself from Dan’s embrace.

            “Brad?”

            The name, whispered raggedly, made Dan’s heart go into a wild tap dance. _Who had let him in?_

            “I leave you alone for a night and look what happens. You end up in bed with a child.” Brad’s voice came out sluggish, slurred. “Christ, Adam, you didn’t fuck him, did you?”

            “Shh,” Adam warned. Suddenly Adam’s warm presence was gone. Dan felt the bed move, and he pretended to adjust in his sleep. “No, of course I didn’t fuck him. I’m not you, for fuck’s sake.”

            “Funny.”

            “You’re drunk.” Dan heard about a thousand accusations behind the façade of those words. “Where’s Landon?”

            “Who the hell knows?”

            “He’s with someone else.”

            “How the fuck is it your business?”

            “You’re my business, Brad.” Dan heard Adam sigh. “Come on. Let’s get into the kitchen so we don’t wake him, and I can pour some coffee into your drunk ass.”

            “That is not what I want you to do with my ass…”

            Dan expected to hear Adam laugh, or even purr at that. Instead he heard Adam growl,“You have the nerve to walk into my apartment in the middle of the night and say that? After telling me your new toy turned you out?”,

            “He didn’t turn me out. I just can’t find him.”

            Dan heard Adam chuckle, low and dispassionate. “Let me guess. He left the club with someone younger? Cuter? Blonder? Hurts to only be a passing curiosity, doesn’t it?”

            “Fuck you.”

            To Dan’s surprise, Adam didn’t say anything back to that. Instead, there was a light smack of lips against lips, and Dan opened one eye. In the dim light, he could just make out the silhouettes of Adam and Brad, embracing just outside the door.

            “Shh,” Adam whispered. “You’re drunk, babe. Be quiet now. Let your mind rest, okay?”

            “You have someone else here.”

            Adam spoke again. “Yes, Dan. The actor.”

            “In your bed.”

            “He’s straight, Brad.”

            “But he’s in your bed. And sooner or later, there will be someone else in your bed. Because I can’t get my shit together.”

            “Shh, hon…don’t speak anymore…”

            “You’ll fall in love. I know you will.” There was a slight pause, in which Brad made a whimpering sound. “And he’s not straight, Adam. You know that as well as I do. Don’t let him lie to you. Don’t let him lie to himself.”

            Dan felt a rush of panic and he stiffened. _Have I not been careful enough?_

            “Come on. Let’s get you to the couch.”

            “I can walk home.”

            “Like hell you can.”

            There were shuffling sounds, the creak of an old, worn in couch, and soft murmurs. Then, “Back to him?”

            “Unless you prefer me to sleep in the floor.”

            “I told you. You’re going to fall in love.”

            “Brad, I’m going to sleep somewhere comfortable. That’s all it means. Hush, now, and sleep this off. I’ll leave you water.”

            Dan heard the faucet turn on, then off, and then footsteps toward him in the hallway. The bed sunk with Adam’s weight. Warm arms ensnared Dan’s waist, large palms fanned out over his chest and stomach. He didn’t bother trying to stop himself from moving back into Adam. Adam rested his head right behind Dan’s, so that when he moved slightly, he could feel Adam’s lips and nose on the back of his neck. And that was how they woke the next morning, and fortunately for Dan, neither of them found the courage to say anything about it to the other.

 

            *

 

            Dan was in the midst of applying lipstick when he heard the shower shut off. Adam kept on humming, though, making Dan smile as he recognized the tune. He supposed that Britney Spears was appropriate preparation music for a night out on the town as a girl. He thought he might ask Jeff, his acting coach, for a girly playlist the next time they met. Jeff, Dan decided, would be impressed with the changes he’d made to his character. He knew now that Maggie would not be timid and shy. No. Maggie would be much more like Adam. She would know herself and trust herself completely, and live as boldly as she wanted, with Scott merely guiding her into her niche.

            Dan dabbed at the corner of his mouth with a tissue and studied himself in the full length mirror in Adam’s bedroom. Perfect. The silver mini-dress draped and clung to him in a way that created almost an hourglass shape for his body. In the black, strappy heels, his legs gave off the illusion of length, and the black wig he wore created a dramatic contrast to his pale skin and light blue eyes. And the best part of it was that he didn’t look like Dan at all.

            He moved into the kitchen, nearly floating in the heels, and humming along with Adam’s voice as he passed the shut door of the bathroom. He was looking forward to seeing Adam perform as a straight man. Dan giggled and reached for the little purse he was going to carry for the night. It was full of the essentials Adam assured him he would need, and Dan slipped in the tube of lipstick for safe keeping.

            _“There’s only two types of guys out there. The ones can hang with me, the ones that are scared…”_

Dan snorted at the truth of Adam’s words, and then the front door swung open. Brad stood in the doorway, his face a mixture of confusion and surprise. Dan watched him turn his head and look at the apartment number affixed to the door, then slide his glance back over to him. “I’m sorry. I’m, uh, looking for Adam?”

            Dan wondered why Brad was being so weird until he realized. “You don’t recognize me, do you?”

            Brad narrowed his eyes. “Dan?”

            Dan nodded. “I guess that means I pass at least one test.”

            “Holy shit,” Brad breathed. “Turn around.”

            Dan couldn’t help himself. Even if it was Brad, the bastard, he loved being the center of attention. He did a little turn, his arms spread wide. “What do you think?”

            “I think Adam is a miracle worker. You look like a real girl.”

            “Weird, isn’t it? It’s like any trace of masculinity disappears.”

            Brad was nodding emphatically. “Even with Adam, you sense something is different. But this is crazy. All I see is girl.”

            Dan smiled at Brad. Part of him felt nothing but pity for Adam’s ex after last night, and he knew it took a lot for Brad to compliment him. “Thanks. Adam’s getting ready. We’re going to Koi to see if I can slip by the paparazzi.”

            Brad’s jaw dropped. “Going to Koi? God, the life of a celebrity.”

            Dan winked, which he knew came off as so girlish and flirty in his current costume that even a gay man might have melted a little. Brad seemed to. “It’s the least I can do, after all his help.”

            The bathroom door opened and Adam stepped out. Dan heard Brad gasp, followed quickly by his own. Adam looked…striking. His hair, usually a chaotic mess of spikes, had been combed back smoothly. He wore no makeup, even his usual eyeliner was missing, and his skin glowed with a healthy blush and scattering of freckles. But it was his clothing that completely erased any trace of femininity. Well-tailored gray pants and a black button down shirt fit his body like a glove, framing his hips and making his broad shoulders seem even broader. He looked powerful, almost intimidating, and absolutely handsome. He looked at Brad and Dan nervously. “I, uh, couldn’t part with my ankh,” he said, pointing to the ever-present ring on his right hand.

            “You look—”

            “Gorgeous,” Dan said, cutting Brad off. “My god, how is anyone going to notice me with you on my arm?”

            Brad’s glare was almost painful, and Dan did his best not to acknowledge it. Adam, however, was busy inspecting Dan’s outfit. “Doubtful. You are _beautiful,_ dahlink,” Adam said, doing his best to imitate Zsa Zsa Gabor. “Those legs! Ugh, I’d kill to be petite.”

            As Adam circled Dan like a breeder inspecting a prize-winning horse, Dan threw a proud grin in Brad’s direction. He could just imagine the steam coming out of Brad’s ears, so transparent was Brad’s jealousy.

            “Just one thing,” Adam mused, studying Dan’s face. He swiped a paper towel from the kitchen counter and dabbed a corner over Dan’s lips. “I have something better in my collection. Red is great with your skin, honey, but I think you need to go more for the spoiled socialite look tonight than the man eater. Give me a sec.”

            As Adam disappeared into his bathroom, Dan turned to Brad, half wondering if he should be scared of being left alone with him. Brad’s face had relaxed, however, and he looked down the hallway dreamily.

            “You know, the first time Adam and I went out he dressed kind of like that. It was kind of amazing, walking down the street with him. He turned so many heads. He could have anyone…”

            Dan stared at Brad, disgusted. “And just think. If you’d been able to keep your hands off of other guys, you’d still have him.”

            Brad’s eyes snapped up to Dan’s, electric and angry, but then Adam reappeared in the hallway, striding toward them, and Brad looked away.

            “Here, this will be better, I promise.” Adam held up a pearlescent nude color, and Dan smiled at him. “Let me.”

            Dan parted his lips slightly, letting Adam apply the color to his lips. When he was done, Dan smacked his lips together loudly and smiled. “Better?”

            “Much,” Adam replied, smiling. “Just a bit too much though. Better blot.”

            To Dan’s surprise, Adam didn’t reach for a tissue. Instead, he brought his lips to Dan’s lightly, then pulled away, rubbing his own lips together. “There we go.”

            Brad looked as though he might cry. Adam turned to him, smiling casually. “Brad, what can I do for you?”

            “I, uh…” Brad started. It was quite clear that his brain was too shocked to process Adam’s words for a second. “I wanted to talk for just a minute.”

            Adam’s eyes softened instantly. “We can go back—”

            “No, it’s not necessary. Dan can hear this.” Brad drew in a deep breath. “I left Landon.”

            The two men locked eyes, exchanging about a hundred messages silently. Dan didn’t understand a single one of them. Finally, after what seemed like a year, Adam spoke. “You need a place to stay.”

            “Just for a while,” said Brad, nodding and grateful. 

            “Of course.” Adam reached out and placed his hand on Brad’s neck. Brad nuzzled into his touch. “You know you’re always welcome here. I’m sorry about Landon.”

            Adam didn’t sound at all sincere with his last statement, but Brad smiled anyway.  “Thanks.” Suddenly Brad leaned into Adam, and Adam’s arms wrapped him up.

            “Shh,” Adam soothed. “Don’t worry.”

            The two men held each other for a while before Adam finally pulled away, saying, “Dan and I have to go or we’ll miss our reservation. I’ll see you when I get back.”

            Brad nodded, and then Adam’s hand was in the small of Dan’s back, guiding him out the door and to the elevator. As the doors to the small chamber shut behind them, Dan turned to Adam. “What was that all about?”

            “You heard him. He left Landon.” Dan could have sworn he saw anger flash in Adam’s eyes.

            “But…” Dan started, and then everything slid into place. The silent communications, the long hug, everything. Coldness seeped into his belly. “You’re back with him, then?”

            “I don’t know.”

            “But he’s staying with you, and you said that if neither of you were with someone, you always ended up back together.”

            “Sometimes. I don’t know.”

            “But you said he can’t be faithful, that’s it’s not in his nature.”

            “Dan! Why the hell do you care so much?”

            Dan jumped, surprised by not only the volume of his voice, but the anger in it as well. He looked into Adam’s eyes and noticed a film of tears in them. “Sorry. I don’t mean to pry.”

            Adam sighed loudly. “No, I’m sorry. You’re just being a good friend. It’s just that it’s been a long thing with Brad, and it’s… complicated, you know?”

            “If you want to talk about it…”

            The elevator doors opened into the lobby of Adam’s building, and the pair stepped out. Despite everything, Dan smiled at the click of his heels on the hard floor and tried his best to walk as Adam had taught him. Adam looped an arm through his. “Thanks. But I don’t want to talk now. Let’s just have fun tonight, okay?”

            “I can do that,” Dan promised, and Adam held the door for him as he stepped outside.

            “Shit,” Adam mumbled when he saw the car that was waiting for them. “You travel in style, Dan.”

            “Maggie,” Dan corrected him, his eyes traveling the length of the long black car in front of them. “Tonight I’m Maggie. And yes I do. You have to travel in style when you’re a world famous actor, you know.”

            Adam laughed, and the driver appeared by the side of the car, opening the door for them. “After you, Miss Maggie.”

            Inside the car, kept private by the tinted windows, Dan laid down the rules for the evening. “You have to call me Maggie all night, Adam. And even if something happens and I break character, you must stay in yours.”

            “My character? And who is my character?” Adam asked, brow arched.

            “Scott, of course.”

            “You want me to play Scott?”

            Dan nodded. “You are Scott, my mentor and my boyfriend. Which also means that even though you treat me like a lady when I’m dressed like this, you know I’m not. You’re in on the joke so you’re allowed to play it up. You’ve read the script, right?”

            “Yeah.”

            “Then you know Scott well. Think you can do this for me?”

            The corner of Adam’s mouth curled up. “I think so. Tell me one thing, though, before we start this little game.”

            “Yes?”

            “Is this Scott and Matthew at the beginning of the film, or at the end?”

            Dan felt his pulse quicken at the way Adam’s voice hinted at something wicked, in the way his eyes seemed a bit…hungry. “At the end,” Dan answered, his throat dry. “I assume you’re asking because you want to know if we, uh…”

            “If we’ve fucked.”

            “…if we are lovers yet.” Dan felt his skin burst into flames. “Yes. I think we might have to fake that kind of connection to pull this off tonight. I’m not confident enough alone yet. So, yes, we’ve fucked.”

            “Are you sure you don’t want to act that out first, for the realism?”

            Dan’s brain went to mush for a split second, and then he took a deep breath and cleared his mind. Then he turned to Adam, nose in the air, doing his best to look like his sensibilities had been offended. “In a car? Maggie might be easy, but Dan has much higher standards. If you want me, you’re going to have to work hard.”

            Adam stared at him, as if unsure if he could take him seriously or not, but the car was slowing, and Dan changed gears quickly.

            “Almost there. The reservations are under the name Scott McHale. I told them you were a cousin to Daniel Radcliffe, and the table tonight is a favor to the actor. Have you been in front of cameras like this before?”

            Dan turned to Adam, expecting an answer, but Adam stared wide-eyed, mouth agape, too stunned to speak. “What?” Dan asked.

            “You just spoke…English,” he sputtered. “I mean, American English. Where’s your accent?”

            “This _is_ an accent for me, and I’m Maggie, remember? Maggie’s American. I’m American.” As he spoke, Dan’s whole body changed. His movements became more fluid, his features softened, his voice climbed higher, even the light behind his eyes took on a feminine glow. There hadn’t been much left of Dan after he’d put on his costume, but all that had remained was now completely gone. Adam looked on in awe.

            “Jesus Christ, you’re good. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were all woman.”

            “But you do know better, Scott,” Maggie replied then, lightly touching Adam’s lips with her fingertips. “Speaking to Adam, are you sure you’re up for this? We could fail and this could be a disaster.”

            “I can be Scott for you tonight, I think,” Adam agreed. His eyes fluttered shut as Maggie continued to trace the outline of his lips.

            “Good. Just think, tonight you get to watch _me_ work.”

            Adam laughed, deeper than Dan had ever heard his voice go. “If I’m Dan’s cousin, does that mean I can have a British accent?”          

            “Can you do one?”

            Adam flushed. “No. I can do a helluva Scottish accent, though.” At Dan’s scrunched brows, he explained. “I was in Brigadoon.”

            Dan, or Maggie, started to giggle. “Let’s go, Scott. The paparazzi are waiting.”

            Adam exited the car first so that he could help Dan – correction, Maggie – out like a lady. She did well, managing not to give onlookers a peep show and avoiding turning her ankles in the heels. A swarm of people with cameras surrounded them, fully expecting a celebrity to step out of the car. Adam grinned at their confusion when two unknowns got out instead. Maggie slipped an arm through his and let herself be led, winking at him as the photographers snapped shots and buzzed like hornets.

            “Who are they?”

            “Is she an heiress?”

            “He looks like that prince, what’s his name…”

            Dan grinned at Adam, knowing that to everyone else they appeared to be Hollywood’s newest beautiful couple. If they only knew…

            “McHale,” Adam replied confidently, his voice low, when the hostess asked for the name of their reservation.

            “Oh! Mr. Radcliffe’s guests,” she trilled. “We have a fantastic table for you. Follow me.”

            She led Maggie and Scott through the restaurant, past the other tables and koi pools and giant vases of bamboo.

            “Oh my god, is that Ashton and Demi?” Adam hissed, earning a swift elbow in the ribs.

            “Scott, honey, please act like you’ve been out in public before,” Maggie warned in a perfect American accent.

Adam grumbled under his breath. “Yes, sweetheart.”

The table, beyond a doubt, was the best in the house. Set back into a secluded corner and framed by gauzy curtains, it was the ideal place for an intimate sushi dinner. Adam took Maggie’s hand as she slid into the cushioned seat with a great deal of class and grace. Impressed, Adam sat next to her, his arm draping over the back of their seat.

“Are you celebrating a special occasion tonight?” the hostess asked as she handed them menus and a wine list.

“I guess you could call it an anniversary,” Maggie replied, her big, beautiful eyes shining with love for her date. “It was about a year ago we met, wasn’t it, sweetie?”

Adam searched through his memories of the script and found just about where Dan was. “It was. You were trying to sneak in a club…”

Scott – because he had become Scott, his demeanor had changed so much – leaned in, and Maggie leaned as well, giving him a coy smile. “And you knew the bouncers and got me in, even though I was too young…”

“I couldn’t resist you.”

“And I was in love with you before I even knew your name.”

Then Adam leaned forward and their lips met.

They forgot where they were. They forgot someone was watching. It was just Scott and Maggie, being hopelessly sentimental about their first night together, letting passion get the best of them in public. Maggie’s hands were in his hair; Scott’s tongue sought entry into her mouth, and was rewarded when she opened to him. She moaned. He sighed. The hostess cleared her throat.

Maggie broke away first. “Sorry. Got a little carried away. You can understand, I’m sure.”

Adam hid his grin at Dan’s sheepish act and did his best to look ashamed as well. The hostess giggled and blushed as she glanced at Adam. “I think I understand. Enjoy, and if there’s anything I can do for you, let me know.”

As soon as she was out of earshot, Adam spoke. “Well, I think you’re passing this test with flying colors.”

“Wow. I got a little carried away.”

Adam smiled, his eyes a little sad. Soft. “I guess I did too. You really seemed like Maggie. Like you loved Scott.”

“It wasn’t bad,” Dan said. He was glancing nervously around the restaurant, noticing quite a few onlookers who were whispering or casting them disapproving looks.

“Dan?” Dan jumped a little when he realized Adam’s hand had closed over his. Adam looked apologetic. “Sorry. I think I’ve made you uncomfortable again. It’s just… you are really beautiful like that. It’s enough to make me go straight. Although, luckily, I wouldn’t have to…”

“I think I can understand that.”

Before Adam could ask what he meant, a waiter appeared at the table. Dan ordered their food, but had to look for help when the waiter asked what they wanted to drink. Adam glanced over the wine list and selected something Dan had never heard of. The waiter, who had boyish good looks, complimented Adam on his choice and walked away.

“An acquaintance of yours?” Dan asked, eyeing Adam suspiciously.

Adam didn’t bother holding back an arrogant smirk. “Not yet.”

“And, uh…he’d be into you?”

“You mean, is he gay?”

Dan nodded.

“Yes, he’s gay.”

“How can you tell?”

Adam shrugged. “It’s more of a feeling than anything I saw from him. When you grow up afraid to approach someone for fear of getting the shit beat out of you, you develop a sixth sense about who might be on your team, so to speak. Comes in handy when you want to avoid being stuffed in lockers.”

“I see.” It suddenly occurred to Dan how lucky he’d been, that he’d been allowed to explore safely, quietly, with men he trusted. “I want to ask you so many things, so that I can understand Matthew more. I don’t know how I can get to know him without being gay myself.”

Adam looked into his eyes, and Dan felt his stomach flutter with nerves. “You seemed to understand him later in the story very well, if that kiss was any evidence. By then, Matthew and Scott are completely in love and that felt…real.”

Dan felt his spine straighten. “Yes, well, that’s what actors do. We act. If you didn’t feel that way, I wouldn’t be doing my job.”

As he hoped it would be, Dan’s tone was one of finality, putting up a wall between them and shutting out any further questions or comments.

“Well, you are an excellent actor.”

They fell silent, and then the waiter once again appeared at the table. He watched as Adam comfortably glanced at the bottle’s label and the cork, nodded, and tasted the small bit of wine the waiter poured into a glass. He swirled it, sniffed it, held it up and inspected the color, and then smiled at the waiter. It was his seductive smile, Dan noticed, the one he gave when he was at his naughtiest. The waiter grinned back and poured two full glasses for them. Dan could have sworn he winked at Adam when he turned away.

“I don’t know what’s more impressive, your wine ordering skills or the way you managed to eye fuck that poor waiter right in front of your girlfriend.”

Adam looked proud of himself and took another drink of wine. “For a brief time I dated an older, wiser man. He was very worldly and had a taste for expensive things. And young things. He taught me both of those skills you just saw.”

“You mean you had a sugar daddy?”

Adam laughed. “Yes, though when you’re trying to get by and perhaps make a record, dating a rich old bachelor is just called being smart.”

Dan studied Adam’s face, and the sadness in his eyes didn’t go unnoted. “You’re an incredible singer, Adam. It will happen for you someday.”

“Thanks,” Adam said softly, and then he seemed to shake the sadness off his shoulders. He squinted at Dan. “You haven’t been Maggie these past few minutes, but you haven’t really been out of character, either. You’re still using that accent, being a girl, but you’re not her right now. Where’s the line?”

“That’s exactly what I want to figure out tonight,” Dan answered. “I need to find the disconnect, where Dan ends and Maggie begins.”

Adam looked thoughtful for a moment, sipping his wine slowly. “When you were Maggie,” Adam began, and reached out to take Dan’s hand in his, “there was a softness in your eyes.”

“Fragility?”

Adam shook his head. “No. I never read Maggie as fragile. Vulnerable, maybe.”

“In general, or just toward Scott?”

Again, Adam thought about it. While he thought, he lazily traced a finger up Dan’s arm. It tickled and made Dan feel like his body was humming with energy all at once. “I think maybe Scott is the first time Matthew, or Maggie, has really faced vulnerability. He’s been hopeless before, and scared and confused as any gay teen would be, but I think perhaps Scott is the first person to make him understand the magnitude of the situation. That falling in love is going to be difficult and scary and will hurt, no matter whom it is he loves.”

Dan closed his eyes and tried to maintain some semblance of steady breathing, but the way Adam’s fingertips felt on his sensitive skin made it nearly impossible. He opened his eyes and looked right at Adam, and understood completely in that moment how Matthew felt looking at Scott. And then Adam’s eyes seemed to smolder with the same kind of need Scott would have felt for Matthew, and Adam became Scott, and Dan lost himself in Maggie’s love for him, and her fear.

“There she is,” Adam whispered. “God, you’re amazing. I’ve never seen anyone change like—”

“Shh,” Dan said, placing a perfectly painted fingertip over Adam’s lips. “Scott now.”

Adam didn’t need to be told, he was already Scott, nothing about him had to change. Except that being Scott gave them both permission to do things that would have been impossible just seconds ago. He leaned in and took Maggie’s lips with his own, not timidly or lightly, but with demanding force. Their bodies came together with equal intensity, bruising ribs and thighs as they struggled in the small seat to crawl inside each other’s skin. Scott’s hands slid over Maggie’s hips, she wrapped her arms around his neck. She leaned her head back, and his tongue wound into her mouth, rubbing up against hers with violent need. Both moaned into each other on the same, frantic pitch.

“Oh! I’m sorry.”

Adam broke away from Dan, genuinely frightened by another voice. The waiter, the poor thing, set down their plates of food without making eye contact, his face as red as could be.

Somehow Dan had recovered quickly and he – she, for all the waiter knew – patted down her hair and looked ashamed of herself. “Our apologies. It’s our anniversary.”

The waiter risked a glance at Adam, who smiled apologetically in return. The waiter nodded sadly. “It must be nice to be so in love.”

He walked away, shoulders slumped, and Dan elbowed Adam hard. “You broke his heart.”

“ _I_ did no such thing. Just cause you have no control and practically raped me in public…”

“Maggie,” Dan corrected, “Maggie has no control. That was interesting to learn.”

“Well, in her defense, Scott is a handsome devil.”

Dan smiled, but said nothing. He studied Adam, the way a deep, blotchy blush covered him from his chin to where his shirt opened slightly at the top. He wondered if he reached out and touched the little silver key hanging around Adam’s neck if it would burn him. “I think she may have got Adam going a little too.”

Adam’s eyes widened as Dan morphed again, his whole being changing into Maggie. And Adam braced himself for whatever Maggie threw at him next. He didn’t even bother getting inside Scott’s head. He was already there. Then Maggie’s slender hand was on his thigh, working its way up so lightly that he almost begged her for more, and when she got to his hip, she moved her hand inward. She squeezed at the hardness beneath his pants. He moaned a little before he could capture her hand and bring it to a less risky place. She was grinning at him, infuriatingly.

“You _are_ good,” he agreed. “But just be aware that no matter what scene this is, if you keep going, it’s going to be Adam who throws you facedown on top of this table and takes you in front of all these nice people. Consider this your warning, _Maggie.”_

            Adam nipped at Dan’s bottom lip as he growled out his threat.

The young girl’s whole body tensed and she was Dan again at once. “Jesus. I’m sorry, Adam.”

Adam noted the sincerity in Dan’s voice and nodded once. “It’s okay. You just seem to be better at drawing the line between reality and fantasy than I am.”

Dan bit his lip. “Am I?”

“You seem to be,” Adam said, studying Dan. Dan felt like his eyes were prying into the dark corners of his mind. “I suppose it might be a little easier from your side. After all, this isn’t a new experience for me. Underneath that dress you’re exactly what I want. Whereas, even if you’re playing someone else, the physical experience is different for you. You’re feeling a different kind of body against yours, and it has to be a little strange.”

Dan watched as Adam picked up his chopsticks and began to eat. For a second it felt as if nothing had just happened, and Dan found he didn’t like that feeling. He wanted to remember the last few minutes as long as he could. As Adam ate he said, almost to himself, “I have trouble with the love scenes.”

“Because it’s a feeling you’re not used to, being with a man?”

“Yes,” Dan replied, though of course, that wasn’t the full story. He picked up his chopsticks as well but didn’t use them, choosing to study them with unearned interest instead. “Kissing women, holding them, it’s never so aggressive. And everything is so…hard.”

Adam watched with an amused smile as Dan’s ears turned red. “Hard is a good thing.”

“You know what I mean,” Dan said, frustrated.

“I do. Believe it or not, I’ve kissed girls, and I understand. It’s a completely different feeling. I thought I would break them. Hell, I thought I would break you just now.”

Dan laughed a little at that. “I think you almost did.”

Adam smiled and then set his chopsticks down, taking Dan’s hand in his. “It’s not always like that, though. And these actors, if they’re going it about it that way during auditions, obviously don’t know how Scott and Matthew work. Here, let me try something.”

Adam was leaning forward again, and Dan felt himself get drawn in to him, as if they were opposite ends of the magnet. This time, when their lips met, there was no sudden attack from either, it was just the gentle exploration of lips and tongues, like they’d been lovers for years. Dan closed his eyes and sank into Adam. He tasted wine, the rich food, and something that was spicy and sweet like Adam himself. It occurred to him that he wasn’t trying to be Maggie in this moment, nor was Adam Scott, but it seemed moot. They _were_ Maggie and Scott. Adam was Dan’s mentor in fashion, in life, perhaps even in this.

Suddenly the warm moisture of Adam’s lips was gone, and Dan opened his eyes. Adam was looking at him expectantly. “Better?”

 _I never want you to stop that._ The thought clamored around in his head, but Dan suppressed it and nodded instead. This didn’t seem to be enough of an answer for Adam, who was looking at him with and inquisitive expression. “What else bothers you about the love scenes, Dan?”

There was no way to put it into words, that he couldn’t feel comfortable with those other men. Not because he thought their touch was disgusting, or weird, but because he was afraid he might let them _in_ , and the whole world would follow. He was so afraid of it he couldn’t relax around them. But with Adam, he wasn’t scared. Adam’s touch made him forget that fear.

“I can’t seem to drop that wall, and since I always have it up, it comes across as having no chemistry whatsoever. Even when I know I’m completely lost in Maggie, and they’re completely lost in Scott. What does that mean?”

Adam’s face was blank. “It sounds like you’re afraid of liking it.”

Dan’s heart stopped. Could Adam really know that? “But why am I not that way with you? You have to admit, we have some serious chemistry.”

Adam’s smile was half-hearted. “I think maybe it’s because you know I’m not acting. You know I practically am Scott to you, and…I think you know the attraction is real.”

“But…” Dan protested, his brain grinding to a halt, “you’ve never tried anything with me before.”

“You were straight up until tonight, too. When you became Maggie, I let it all out.” Adam looked absolutely miserable as he admitted this, and Dan felt his heart twist. “It’s amazing what you feel when you give yourself permission to feel it.”

The pointed phrase struck Dan in three places: his brain, which hummed with the truth of it, his heart, which told him to listen, and that traitorous place between his legs that twitched with memories of Adam’s touch.

“I don’t think I can do this, Dan.”

Dan took a minute to catch up, and then he turned to Adam. “What do you mean?”

Adam looked away. At the table, at the curtains, anything but Dan. “I mean, I can be your mentor. I can teach you how to dress, how to put on makeup and select a wig. I can even teach you how to move and expose your inner woman. But I can’t really be Scott for you. Your acting feels too real, and I like it when you’re Maggie too much. Jenny was right, you’re exactly my type, and I’m really risking a lot just by sitting here with you now. I don’t want to find myself in another impossible situation.”

The reference to Brad made Dan clench his jaw with rage.

“I’m sorry. I thought I could be a professional about this when I took this job.” Adam rolled his eyes and chuckled. “Of course, I never thought you’d be this irresistible in person or that I’d be making out with you to help you _explore your character_.”

Dan didn’t know why Adam had felt the need to emphasize those words like they were some kind of joke, but it made the hair on the back of his neck stand up. He did his best to ignore the strange sensation. “I think maybe I’m the one who’s being unprofessional. You’re right. This wasn’t in your job description. I crossed a line. I think…maybe it’s just that I don’t know anyone else who could help me with this, that I feel comfortable with, I mean.”

Adam arched a black brow and it reminded Dan a bit too much of his stage personas. “I hardly believe that. I’m sure Lorenzo would have jumped at the chance to educate you.”

Dan lowered his face so that his wig covered the blush that spread across his cheeks. “Maybe he would have…”

“Or that blond boy with that nice little ballet ass.”

Dan blushed even more because he knew just who Adam was referring to. He shrugged. “You mean Spencer. And…yes, he might have too. But it’s asking a lot of anyone. Matthew and Scott are intense, acting it out is intense. They’re like…”

“Soulmates,” Adam suggested.

“Yes, I think Scott and Matthew are soulmates, if you believe in that sort of thing,” Dan said, sitting back in his seat and musing over it. “Of course you do. With the way you just kissed me, of course you do. Only believers kiss like that.”

  Adam closed his eyes. “I can’t help it. I’m a romantic at heart. Been in one too many musicals, I suppose.”

“Is that what you want?”

Adam bit his lip. “It’s what I thought I had. Once. And yeah, it’s definitely what I want. Don’t you?”

“Yes,” Dan said, then added silently, _Desperately._ “I know I’ve asked a lot of you,  Adam, and I’m so sorry to involve you like this, but there’s something I need your help with, if you wouldn’t mind one last little thing…”

“Anything, Dan.”

The sincerity of those words made Dan’s heart leap. “Come back with me to my place. There’s something I want to show you.” Adam narrowed his eyes, and Dan sighed. “How about if I told you I have dessert waiting on us there?” Adam pursed his lips, and Dan groaned. “And dessert has nothing to do with me naked and covered in whipped cream?”

“Not really selling it to me, Dan,” Adam joked and then sobered. “That’s fine. Let’s get the check and get out of here.”

“It’s already been taken care of,” Dan said, and as he reached for his little purse, he transformed once again into Maggie. “Some handsome British gentleman picked it up for us.”

“I have it on good authority that that British gentleman, as you call him, is a cock tease.”

Maggie stopped just short of the curtain as Adam slid out of the seat, so that he had to press up against her back for balance. She leaned back into his body and swiveled her hips against Adam’s front, slowly. “You have no idea…”

Adam laughed instead of pushing her away, and wrapped an arm around her tiny waist. “You are one good looking woman.”

“And you make one helluva good looking man, Adam Lambert.”

As they stepped out of the restaurant, the pack of photographers was on them instantly, demanding to know who they were. Maggie giggled, a hand over her pretty nude lips, and she smiled up at her date. “Come on, darling, let’s give them a show.”

Adam weighed his options and then grinned evilly at the beautiful brunette by his side. “Ah, fuck it…”

He gathered her up in his arms and spun her off the ground, crushing his lips down on hers. A firestorm of flashes went off, and they felt each other’s mouths curl into smiles. As Adam set her back down on earth, passion took over and they deepened the kiss and stumbled toward the waiting car. The last thing either wanted to do was break apart, even for a second. They crawled inside the car, limbs tangling as they fell onto the long seat. Thankfully, the driver shut the door behind them. The car started to move, but neither noticed. Adam settled his weight cautiously on the smaller man, and Dan let his body wrap around Adam’s. Their hips moved against each other like they had minds of their own. He pulled at Adam’s hair, Adam’s hands flowed down Dan’s sides. When he reached the hem of the slinky dress, he pulled away.

“Dan…Maggie…” he panted. “We’re not in front of cameras anymore.”

Dan cursed and let his head fall back against the seat. His head pounded. His chest felt so tight it could rip apart. He covered his eyes with his hands because they’d filled with tears. “I don’t want to stop being Maggie. Please, Adam, don’t make me stop…”

Adam kissed Dan’s face sweetly and pulled him close. “I won’t make you stop,” he whispered, though inside he knew that if Dan didn’t stop, it would destroy them both.

 

 

            Adam whistled softly as he stepped inside Dan’s apartment. To be more correct, it was a penthouse. Downtown, and in one of the top floors of a skinny, gleaming building, three of the four walls of the spacious penthouse were made entirely of glass. Los Angeles bustled below them, lights sparkling, alive with the night, and in the distance the hills loomed black and beckoning. There was only one wall in the whole place, cutting straight through the middle of the space, separating the living and kitchen area from what appeared to be a giant master bedroom. The whole apartment was done in various shades of gray. It was utterly masculine and modern. Chrome, silver, thunderhead, lead, and stone. There were small splashes of color, though, Adam noticed. The _Metropolis_ vintage poster on the wall, the splash of CDs and records on the shelves, the piles of books that seemed to sprout up from various places in the apartment like weeds.

            “Like reading, do you?”

            Dan tossed his keys on the kitchen island and turned around to open the giant chrome fridge behind him. “I’m a slut for words.”

            Adam walked into the living area, picking up a tattered book from off the black leather couch in front of him. _The Picture of Dorian Gray_ by Oscar Wilde. When he looked up, he saw Dan glance at him nervously. “Research?”

            Dan shrugged. “I didn’t really intend it to be. I liked his poetry, though, so I picked it up. Poetry is more my thing.”

            “I seem to remember an interview of you saying that you wrote your own,” Adam said, giving Dan a playful smile. “And that you don’t let anyone see it.”

            “Not a soul,” Dan replied, eyes sparkling. “When I die, they’ll proclaim me a genius for all of my filled notebooks, but seriously, it will have to be over my dead body that they get their hands on them.”

            Adam laughed. “Pity. It’s probably good stuff.”

            “No, just the inane ramblings of a movie star.”

            Adam saw sadness flicker within the blue of Dan’s eyes, so he changed the subject. “What’s for dessert?”

            The smile that crept over Dan’s face was nothing but child-like bliss. “I assume you like ice cream.”

            Adam half groaned at that. “Love it. God, I’m going to have to run tomorrow, aren’t I?”

            Dan giggled. “Look in the fridge. I didn’t know your flavor, so they bought all kinds.”

            “They?”

            Dan shrugged, sheepish. “The people I pay to shop for me.”

            Adam bit his lip, desperately holding back a snarky comment about the spoiled child star. “I see.”

            “Pick your poison. I’ll go change.” Dan started to head back behind the wall that separated the room into two parts. “Oh, and they picked you up something too, in case you want to shed those stuffy dress clothes.”

            “You bought me clothes.” Adam’s face twisted into an amused expression. “Because you knew I was going to spend the night? Little presumptuous aren’t we?”

            “Shut up, I had no idea what you were going to wear and I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable.” Dan rolled his eyes and huffed. “I don’t even know what they bought you. It’s in the bag there on the coffee table.”

            Dan disappeared behind the wall, and Adam made his way over to the square glass table in the middle of the living area. He recognized the bag’s design, a store he’d never in a million years be able to afford, and curiosity gripped his raging fashion lust. He peered inside. “Dan?”

            “Yeah?” the younger man called from the other room.

            “Are these…silk pajamas?” Adam slid his hand in the bag and pulled out the shiny, smooth material. The color of it was the deep bluish gray of a storm cloud. Perfect, Adam knew, for his eyes. He heard Dan laugh.

            “I don’t know. But it would make sense. A robe mysteriously appeared with your name on it in the bathroom, so I suppose that’s yours too.”

            “Jesus Christ,” Adam muttered, then called out to Dan. “Is it silk too?”

            Behind the wall, Dan smiled at the covetous tone of Adam’s voice, and slipped off his clip-on earrings, setting them on his dresser. “No, it’s something kind of big and soft. Did you pick out ice cream yet?”

            Adam had forgotten all about the ice cream. “You’re going to spoil me, you know that?” he called out to Dan as he walked to the kitchen and opened the freezer door. About fifty pints of Ben & Jerry’s lined the shelves. Adam could have sworn he heard someone singing the Hallelujah Chorus. “Oh my god. No, you’re going to kill me.”

            He heard Dan laugh as he looked through the flavors, selecting his favorite as soon as he saw it – Phish Food. He set it on the counter and began to rummage for a spoon.

            “Adam? Can you help?”

            Adam shoved the carton back into the freezer and cautiously made his way into the bedroom. He had to fight the gasp that rose from inside him. Dan’s bedroom was nothing short of spectacular. To his left was a huge master bathroom, which Adam could only see one part of from this angle, and on the wall a dresser ran the length of the room. Behind Dan’s bed, which was huge in itself, the wall was all glass, as was the wall opposite the bathroom. The one that divided the room boasted a huge flat screen TV and in the corner, where Dan stood waiting for his help, was a full length mirror.

            Adam went to Dan, reaching for the zipper on the back of his dress. He’d removed his wig and earrings, Adam noticed, but not the makeup. “Don’t you wonder if people are watching you?”

            Dan looked at him in the mirror. “No, the glass is two-way. I can see out, they can’t see in. See,” Dan said, pointing to his left, “it’s reflective.”

            Adam felt his brow arch. “Kinky, Radcliffe.”

            “I thought so.” Dan met Adam’s eyes evenly, and Adam forced the zipper of the dress down. Dan wasted no time pulling the silky material off his shoulders and wiggling the tight part of the dress over his hips. Adam had no time to protest. Dan stood, looking at himself in the full length mirror in nothing but lacy boyshorts and high heels. Then he watched the way Adam was looking at him in the glass. It was like he’d been out in the desert for forty days, and Dan was a tall glass of water. Dan had to admit, he earned the look. The lace and ruffles covering his hips and ass only served to heighten the boyishness of his body – his broad chest, muscular arms, and tight stomach.

            Adam blew out a shaky breath against Dan’s ear. “God, you _are_ trying to kill me.”

            Dan liked the way the devilish smile felt on his face. “I could take them off if you wanted…”

            He slipped his thumbs underneath the lace and pulled down slightly, revealing the crest of his hipbones and the start of the black hair he’d been too cowardly to wax off. Suddenly strong hands were on his arms, twisting him around so fast and hard that he fell into Adam for balance. Adam held Dan’s arms behind his back so that he couldn’t touch anything. “You’re playing this game like you want to lose.”

            Dan closed his eyes, wondering what could have possessed him to tease Adam so much. That whole playing with fire thing was a sure way to get burned. Then, Adam shoved him hard and Dan landed on his back on his big bed, spread out on the white comforter beneath him. Adam leaned over him, smiling slow and appreciatively as he looked Dan over. Dan cursed himself again for his carelessness with Adam and for not covering himself up better.

            But then Adam knelt at the foot of the bed, between his legs, and Dan sucked in a shocked breath. “Adam, what are you—”

            “Relax,” Adam said, stroking a soothing hand up Dan’s leg. Then he took one of Dan’s feet in his hands. “You can’t wear these shoes all night,” he said and then slowly, torturously, slipped Dan’s shoes off of his aching feet.

            Dan let himself relax, sinking into the bed as Adam rubbed one foot, and then the other. Adam watched him quietly, his eyes careful to stay on Dan’s face, and not his unbelievable torso as he kneaded Dan’s abused feet. Dan sighed in appreciation as Adam worked miracles on his tired muscles. He set Dan’s foot down on the bed. “All better?” Dan nodded weakly. He had to wonder if Adam was in any way as worked up as he was. He got his answer when Adam said, “Good. Now put some clothes on. Seriously. Preferably something that covers every inch of you. Do you have a cassock? Oh Christ, never mind that. That would just fulfill a fantasy. How about footie pajamas?”

            Dan laughed and rolled off the bed, crying out as Adam slapped his practically bare ass hard as he went off to the bathroom. He called over his shoulder. “You get dressed too. You’ll need something comfortable, I’ve got a lot to show you tonight.”

            In fifteen minutes (It had taken them longer than planned. After Dan had come out in just an undershirt and boxer briefs, Adam promptly explained that he would, in no uncertain terms, make Dan his bitch if he wore boxer briefs around him again), both boys were seated on Dan’s leather couch, scooping ice cream into their mouths and watching the screen tests of Dan and the parade of Scotts.

            Adam, like Dan had hoped, was very vocal as he reviewed the performances. Dan listened to his stream of consciousness with a smile.

            “Oh, he’s pretty,” Adam said of Scott #4. Dan had agreed. He’d thought that particular Scott would have been easy to have had chemistry with, but as the scene played out and the two men were supposed to kiss, Dan watched his screen self tense all over.

            “Wow, you’re not kidding. You look petrified,” Adam commented, and Dan nodded.

            “That wall. I’m so worried I won’t be able to lower it…”

            Adam said nothing, and they went on watching Scott after Scott. Adam rambled. “Ugh, he doesn’t get Scott at all, does he?...What is he doing, trying to eat your face?...Well, that line was about ten different kinds of wrong…Okay, Scott is an English teacher at a Catholic school for fuck’s sake, he can’t be a fairy…My god, is that man real? He looks like a Ken doll…Dan, hon, even if these guys suck you’ve got to do your part too…”

            Dan turned to him at that, turning off the TV. “What do you mean?”

            Adam shrugged. “A few of them weren’t that bad, honestly. But then they went to kiss you and you don’t even lean into them. You’ve got to meet them halfway, literally and figuratively here. As soon as you get to the physical stuff, your acting chills too.”

            “Except for when I’m with you.”

            “Except for when you’re with me.” Adam’s blue eyes met his. “Why do you suppose that is?”

            “I don’t know, I just…I trust you.” Dan shook his head at himself, then he set his carton of Chunky Monkey on the coffee table and turned to Adam, his expression somber. “I have another favor to ask you, Adam.”

            Adam straightened himself, the silk of his new pajamas rippling over his skin and causing goose bumps. “Let me hear it.”

            “I want you to audition for Scott.”

            Dan watched the color in Adam’s face drain. “Dan…”

            “I know. You said you can’t be my Scott for me, but if we made it sort of official, if that was the goal…” Dan paused, trying to piece together his thoughts. “And I’m beginning to think you’re the only one who can do this…who can bring this out of me…”

            Adam shook his head. “It’s more than that, Dan. Beside the toll it would take on me, playing your lover, I just can’t. I’m not an actor.”

            “You’ve been in musicals—”

            “And you and I both know the kind of level that’s on, as compared to this.” Adam sighed heavily. “I would have no idea what to do in front of a camera. How to become a character like you do. Look at yourself, Dan. You’ve taken what, months to get ready for this role? And I know you took almost a year of coaching just for Equus. I can’t do that. Even if I could prepare myself, I don’t think I have it in me to bring this role what it needs.”

            Dan felt his disappointment sink heavy and cold into his gut. He offered only one thing more. “I know you could do this. I know you’d be perfect.”

            “I’m sorry, Dan. I can’t do this for you.”

            “It’s okay. I understand.” Dan rose from the couch. He collected the empty cartons of ice cream and spoons and padded into the kitchen.

            Adam watched him go, hating the way his thin shoulders seemed to carry too much weight under the t-shirt he wore. He was up and moving toward him before he’d really made any decision to, and as Dan opened up the fridge, Adam snaked an arm around his waist, pulling him close. Dan let the fridge door close.

            “This is killing you, isn’t it?”

            Dan nodded and swallowed loudly. “If I can’t make this work…” He didn’t finish the sentence, but Adam understood. The young actor was desperate to prove himself. Dan spoke again, leaning his head back into Adam’s neck. “You just make it so easy. You take away whatever it is that blocks me with these other actors. Maybe it’s just the environment, and if you came in and read with me, I’d feel better in front of the cameras and in front of Vance and all the others. Maybe I just need you to help me break it in.”

            Adam felt his chest thump along with his heart. Dan’s answered through his back, just as intensely. Adam wanted nothing more than to pick him up, set him on the counter behind them, and kiss him crazy. “When is the next audition?”

            “Tomorrow at eleven.”

            Adam released his captive so abruptly that Dan stumbled forward a bit. He turned around and scowled at Adam, who almost yelled, “What? You want me to audition, for one of the biggest directors in the business, _tomorrow?”_

            “You’ve read the script.”

            “I don’t have a photographic memory, Dan!”

            “You don’t have to have it memorized completely,” Dan argued with a bit of a pout. “And you’ve already said it, you are pretty much Scott. This isn’t a stretch. Even if you don’t know the lines you can improv and—”

            “I improvise rock riffs, not lines.” Adam felt panic whirring around inside his body. He thought back to his tours with Wicked and Hair, remembering fleeting moments when something hadn’t gone right technically, or someone had flubbed a line, and he’d had to cover.

            “You can do this, Adam.” The sternness in Dan’s tone made Adam’s head jerk up to look at him. He hadn’t realized he was rubbing his temples to soothe his blooming headache. “Even if it’s just an audition. Help me this way.”

            “Fuck,” Adam cursed softly. He stared into Dan’s big, sad eyes. Christ, he was in trouble. “You knew I’d say yes, didn’t you?”

            Dan smiled, and it was Maggie’s smile. “Men are so easy.”

            “You’re going to owe me big for this.”

            “What do I owe you?”

            Dan saw a flash of wickedness pass in Adam’s eyes and his body nearly went numb at all the possibilities.

“I think I can dream up some form of repayment,” Adam said, and then rolled his eyes at himself. “I’m such a sucker. Just the audition? You promise?”

            “Just the audition. Even if they cast you, I won’t ask you to take the part.”

            “They won’t cast me,” Adam assured Dan.

            “Well, we need to get to work. We’ve got about ten hours before we have to head to the studio,” Dan said, and quickly made his way to the living area, where he began to sort through stacks of books.

            “Work now?” Adam asked, watching as Dan pulled out a script from underneath a thick book.

            “Yes. We hardly have any time to get this right, and I want to get the best feel for us on camera that I can get.”

            “Dan, I have to get home.”

            Adam’s words stopped Dan cold, and he drew himself up to his full height and glared at Adam. “To him.”

            “Yes.”

            “So you are back together then?”

            Adam grew impatient quickly. “I don’t know. We’ve never been the best at defining anything.”

            “You can’t define it, but you have to be with him tonight.”

            “Yes.” Anger flickered across Adam’s face.

            “Fine. Go. Go back to the guy who couldn’t even be faithful to you.”

            “Why the hell do you give a damn?” Adam said, exasperated. He reached up and pulled at his black hair. “It’s not like it’s your life.”

            Dan blinked and then looked down at his feet, nodding. Then he said, in almost a whisper, “You’re right. It’s not. I don’t know why I give a damn. Just go.”

            Adam stood still, watching Dan as he continued to stare at the floor, his thin shoulders sagging, his whole body slack as if he was just too exhausted and hopeless to keep it upright. “No, I’ll stay. You’re right. This is more important.”

            “No.” Dan shook his head, and he looked utterly disgusted with himself. “You’ve given me too much already. I’m overstepping my bounds again. It is none of my business what happened between you and Brad or who you choose to spend your nights with. I have no claim on you whatsoever. I have no right to ask so much of you. And you have no reason to give me anything.”

            Adam couldn’t tolerate watching Dan speak in such a pained manner, all alone and scared and sad like a child. He pulled him into his arms, and even though Dan fought it at first, he was soon wrapped around Adam, face buried in Adam’s chest.

            “I want to do this for you. I said I would.” Adam lifted a hand and stroked over the nape of Dan’s neck, soothing him. “Just let me call him and explain…and then we can get to work.”

            “Adam…”

            “I’ve made up my mind, Dan. You’re stuck with me all night.”

Adam let go of him and walked toward the windows, looking down on L.A. as he made the call on his cell phone. Dan pretended to sort through things in his fridge, finally giving in and opening a can of Diet Coke, but he heard the hisses and whispers and knew that Brad was not pleased.

“Just trust me, for once…I know, but you would think after a few years…Brad, don’t be an ass…fine…fine…of course…yes, I promise…I’ll see you in the morning.”

            Adam turned to Dan, his expression weary. “You are really going to owe me for this. Big time.”

            “Add it to my tab,” Dan said and tossed a script to Adam. If he was honest, he was really hoping that Brad was fuming all by himself in Adam’s apartment, his imagination running rampant with thoughts of Dan and Adam pressed together, sweaty and naked. Realizing that that mental image was going to do more bad than good, Dan pushed it aside. “Let’s get to work.”

            Dan tossed Adam a Diet Coke and they set to work. Over the next six hours they did their best to perfect Matthew, to bring Scott to light, and to find their rhythm with each other. They met the love scenes head on, and somehow both men managed to stay in character and keep their wits about them. When the scenes flowed well enough for Dan’s liking, he tutored Adam on coping with a camera. Then, just as the sun was starting to peak out over the horizon, Adam fell onto the couch and cried mercy.

            Dan laughed. “Let’s get some sleep.”

            “I should get home.”

            There it was again. The anger and resentment that was always present now whenever he even thought of Brad. “You’re exhausted, Adam. Just sleep a while.”

            “I can’t. He’ll—”

            “Just a few hours,” Dan cut in. “Then you can go back to him, I promise I won’t ask you to stay longer. You just…you look like hell. Your beauty sleep has worn off entirely.”

            Adam reached out to swat Dan, but had no energy for it. His arm flopped limply at his side. “This couch isn’t half bad, actually. Just a few hours. Don’t let me sleep too long.”

            Dan smiled at him and picked up a throw blanket and tossed it on Adam’s stomach, smiling as Adam snuggled into it instead of wrapping it around himself. He stripped off his shirt and dove under the covers of his own bed, settling into his usual position. A half an hour later he was still wide awake, watching the pinkish orange clouds pass over the city. His mind wouldn’t let him rest. It kept replaying the night, the things that were said, the things he and Adam had done. His lips were haunted by phantom kisses, his skin cried out to be touched. Just when he thought he might cry for lack of sleep, he felt the bed sink with new weight. He wondered if he was dreaming for just a minute before Adam’s arms were around him, pulling him close. His head fit perfectly under Adam’s chin.

            “I can’t sleep.”

            “Neither can I.”

            “Is this okay?” Adam asked, moving his arms a bit to illustrate what he meant.

            _It’s just what I needed._

            “It’s okay.” Dan felt Adam’s lips touch the back of his neck, and he sighed. “But what does it—”

            “Dan, stop thinking and go to sleep.”

            Dan smiled at the order, ran a hand over the arms that cradled him, and obeyed.

 

            *

 

“Dan?”

The door was unlocked, but only silence greeted Adam as he entered the penthouse. He took a few steps forward, listening hard for any sign of life. The piles of books looked even worse than they had when Adam had left that morning, like they’d toppled under their own weight. And, Adam noticed, an empty pint of Ben & Jerry’s sat on its side on the coffee table, ice cream drippings spilling out onto the glass. They’d only been up for a few hours. How had Dan managed to do all this damage?

Adam peered around the wall, into Dan’s bedroom. Dan lay on his bed, on his stomach, surrounded by a rainbow of composition books. He bobbed his head and his socked feet to a beat that came from the iPod he was listening to. He wrote fast in one notebook, his pen flying from left to right, scratch scratch scratch.

Adam tiptoed to the side of the bed, craning his neck to catch a glimpse of the words Dan wrote.

“No fucking way, Lambert,” he said, snapping the composition book shut and placing it far out of Adam’s reach. He yanked the earbuds from his ears.

“Damn it,” Adam grumbled. “How did you hear me?”

“I didn’t,” Dan said, grinning. “I saw your reflection.”

Adam rolled his eyes at himself for not remembering that the entire room was practically a mirror. “Ready to go?”

Dan sat up, hugging his books to his chest like a schoolboy. “Are _you_?”

Adam blew out a breath. “I don’t know. But we should go before I lose my courage.”

“You’ll be fine,” Dan said, looking up at him. He felt himself blush a little. His body had not forgotten that only a few hours ago, they’d been curled together, sleeping. “Let me get my shoes.”

A few minutes later they were in Dan’s car, being driven into the heart of Hollywood. Neither said much; both prepared mentally to take on their respective characters. Still, when they got to their destination and huddled in the elevator, Dan couldn’t resist asking. “Is everything okay? At home, I mean.”

“Yeah,” Adam said quietly. “Brad was asleep when I got home, but everything seemed normal when he got up.”

“Good,” Dan said, and wondered if it sounded like he meant it.

The doors opened to chaos. People were everywhere, rushing back and forth, shouting orders and yelling, phones were ringing, and a dozen different fax machines whirred and spit out papers.

Adam stood in the elevator doorway, an expression of confusion making his pretty face comical. “Where the hell are we?”

Dan laughed. “Warner Brothers, or more specifically, Legendary Pictures corporate offices.”

“So we’ll be running these lines…”

“In the casting director’s office,” Dan filled him in. “Her name is Lucille. Trust me, she’s the best in the business besides my mum. If she sees something in you, your career is pretty much set.”

The idea made Adam’s stomach flutter with both excitement and nerves. Beside him, Dan was prattling on as they made their way through the noisy offices. “Colin will be there, and also at least one producer, probably the exec. The artistic—”

“Mr. Radcliffe, Mr. Lambert,” a pretty young woman said, halting them in a narrow hallway. “We’re so glad you’re here. You’ll be in the conference room today.”

This didn’t seem to throw off Dan in the slightest, so Adam rolled with it, following the girl and the actor down a different hallway. She rapped on a door at the end of the hallway and permission to enter was shouted from the inside. She smiled broadly at Dan after giving Adam a long look up and down. “I hope this one’s the one.”

Adam felt himself flush. Dan turned shining blue eyes to him and reached for the knob of the door. “You are Scott, Adam. Just work your magic.”

“I thought you were the magical one,” Adam quipped, more out of nerves than anything else, and then they had entered the room and they were facing a group – no, a panel – of unfamiliar people, save for Colin Vance, who sat big and imposing in the middle of the semi-circle. A grin spread across his wide face.

“Adam. I don’t know why we didn’t think of this sooner.”

Adam felt a bit of his nerves disappear with that. Colin continued to speak to the rest of the panel. “Adam has been mentoring Daniel for his role. He is a fantastic performer, in and out of drag,” Colin winked at Adam then, “so we’ll see if it translates to film. Whenever you’re ready, boys, we’d like the classroom scene please.”

Dan and Adam nodded to the panel and to each other. They’d prepared well for this one, as it is a pivotal point for the characters. It was the scene in which Matthew confronts Scott after a class about seeing him kissing another man the night before. Matthew is confused by it, but most of all feels that he may have found someone who understands him. Scott is a deer in the headlights, afraid of losing his job at the Catholic school, pleading with Matthew to keep his new knowledge a secret. The result is the first step in their relationship, a cautious friendship and mentorship that leads to much more.

It was Dan who led off, giving Adam a few more precious seconds to shut out the voices in his head that told him he wasn’t an actor. With those seconds, Adam visualized the classroom, the uptight staff wandering the halls who might overhear what Matthew was saying, the way his heart would be pounding because of his discovered secret. Those seconds were all he needed. He felt a rash of panic creep up his neck, felt his palms get sweaty. He stepped toward Matthew, arm extended, hoping to silence him. It was not Matthew he saw in the blue eyes that met his, it was the beginnings of Maggie, and he understood then why this young man was angry all the time, why he seemed to avoid his fellow classmates, and why he’d approached Scott. He didn’t want to be alone, and it was Scott’s job to make him feel like someone else understood.

He sat on the edge of his desk, letting the young man exorcise his demons, call him names, and expose his own secrets. Scott didn’t care then who was listening in. All he wanted was to soothe Matthew’s pain and fears. Adam did not see Dan in front of him, giving a performance that would have moved the hardest heart. Instead, it was a young man pleading for someone to tell him everything was going to be alright. Scott met this need, reached for the boy, and pulled him close.

Dan stiffened against his touch and Matthew disappeared.

Adam pulled back, confused at the change. Dan stood in front of him, expressionless save for the panic that made his eyes seem sharp and piercing. His body was rigid, frozen in place. Everything about his stance told Adam he didn’t want to be closer, he didn’t want to be touched. This, Adam knew, was how it had been for every other actor who had stood in his place. Fighting for their lives while Dan drowned, dragging them under the surface with him.

“No,” Adam commanded him in a whisper. “Stay with me.”

Something in Dan’s expression shifted, as if he’d suddenly become aware of himself again. He turned his head slowly, looking not at Vance or any of the others, but at the camera and its blinking red light. It was then that Adam understood.

“Look at me,” he whispered to Dan, and Dan obeyed dazedly. “Focus on me. Remember last night.”

Dan swallowed hard, but his eyes remained trained on Adam, and Dan began to fade away. In his place, Matthew sighed with relief at the realization that there was someone else like him, someone who understood. Someone who might possibly want what he wanted.

Scott’s hands reached for Matthew and Matthew let himself be drawn in, comforted, understood. There was a soft kiss on the cheek, a gentle caress, and a whispered promise, and then he found a dose of bravery. Leaning up on his toes, he touched his lips to his teacher’s. What began as soft, cautious exploration devolved quickly into an explosion of emotion. Scott and Matthew drank each other in with a mess of tongues and lips and teeth and hands, all clamoring for more in a greedy battle. At any minute, someone could open the classroom door and discover him with his hands all over a student, but Scott didn’t care. The need coming from Matthew was magnetic, sucking him in, and he let himself be taken. He let Matthew teach _him_ about bravery.

Adam hadn’t realized that he was flat on his back on top of the desk, Dan pinning him down, their clothed bodies moving against each other with frustration, until Colin cleared his throat loudly. “I think we’ve seen enough.”

The panel laughed nervously and Dan and Adam blinked at each other, startled to find themselves in such a position. They stood quickly, wiping at their bruised lips and adjusting their skewed clothing. Adam tried to catch Dan’s eye but the younger man was refusing to even look in his direction.

“I think I’d actually have to ask you to tone that down,” Colin was saying. He ran a hand through his curly hair, a smirk firmly planted on his face. “Adam, may I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“What was going through your mind as Matthew was speaking to you?”

Adam glanced at Dan before he spoke. “Only that I wanted to help him. I wanted him to know that I would be there while he went through this. And that he was showing me how cowardly I was for being so closeted.”

Colin stared at him for a long time, long enough to make Adam shift his weight nervously from one foot to the other. The others in the panel looked to Colin expectantly. Finally the director spoke again. “We’ll be in touch, Adam. Thanks for coming in. Daniel, if we could speak to you a minute.”

Adam knew a dismissal when he heard one and made a hasty exit, leaving Dan standing in front of the crowd by himself. When the door clicked shut, Dan said, “You didn’t like him.”

Colin looked to Lucille, who gave him a curt nod in agreement to some silent message. She spoke for the group, her voice small but strong. “On the contrary, Daniel, we thought he was quite insightful with the character, and he seems to have a real presence. He might even steal some of yours, which is saying something, dear.”

Dan smiled shyly at the compliment.

“The two of you have quite a balance with each other, and even better chemistry.” Lucille looked at the other woman in the room, and the two women mimed fanning themselves comically.

Dan laughed at that but sobered quickly. “But…?”

“But,” Colin began, “this is already a huge risk for us, Dan. We’re not sure that pairing you with an unknown would be the best idea. It’s a risk for you as well. This role will separate you even more from the Harry Potter franchise than Equus because it will have a much bigger audience. You have to consider what will happen to your reputation as an actor if his performance falls short, because they will hold it against you as well.”

“I won’t do this without him.” Even Dan was surprised the words came out of his mouth. Lucille’s mouth fell open, but Colin merely stared at him.

“Adam brought something to your performance today that we haven’t seen from you before,” he said. “I am inclined to say that you _shouldn’t_ do this without him.” Dan blew out the breath he’d been holding in. “We’ll review the tape and discuss it. We’ll call soon.”

Dan nodded and turned to leave.

Adam was across the hall, leaning up against the wall. They walked to the elevator in silence. The doors opened, Dan pressed the button. The doors closed.

“Adam, you should know that—”

“You don’t have to say it, I know.” Adam closed his eyes and leaned against the elevator wall. For something he hadn’t really wanted, he was sure as shit disappointed to hear the news. “I told you I’m no actor. I don’t know why I agreed—”

“They liked you a lot. They’re going to make sure that what they saw in there comes across on camera, but they pretty much loved you. They think you’re a bit of a risk, but they did love you. They thought your insight into Scott was brilliant.”

            Adam turned to Dan, the look on his face clearly saying he didn’t believe a word that was just said.

            “You _were_ brilliant in there, you know.”

            “Thank you.”

            “I mean it, Adam.” Dan shook his head in disbelief. “I thought for a minute that it wasn’t going to work, but—”

            “You froze on me.”

            Dan looked at Adam, startled by the flatness of his voice and the accusation in the words. “Well, I broke character for a bit, I suppose.”

            “Broke character?” Adam snorted. “For a minute there you were completely devoid of any character at all. I had to bring you back.”

            The elevator doors opened into the lobby and Dan practically jogged out, he wanted to get away from Adam so badly. Adam widened his stride and caught up to Dan with ease. Dan barely acknowledged him. “I would have been alright if you’d just given me a moment. It was a lot better with you. I told you that you could help me.”

            “Bullshit. I wasn’t any different from the others and you know it.” They went through the glass doors and stood staring at the busy street in front of them. Adam turned to Dan, his voice a hiss. “At least, I wasn’t different until I made you forget there was a camera there.”

            Dan blanched so dramatically that the hot Californian sun on his face made him look sickly. Adam stepped close to him, his jaw set firm. If there was one thing Adam Lambert hated, it was being lied to, and his anger was now bubbling up beyond the surface. “I know your little secret, Dan.”

Dan scoffed. “Secret? What secret? Tell me what’s been going wrong because it would sure as hell save me the trouble of having to figure it out.”

Adam bent his head, forcing Dan to look him directly in the eyes. “It’s not these other actors who have made you uncomfortable, or even the casting directors in the room. It’s that damned camera. Because it doesn’t lie, does it? It’s going to show you exactly what you’ve been trying to avoid for so long.”

            “And just what the hell have I been trying to avoid, Adam?” Dan growled.

            “Your response.”

            “Response to what?” Dan spat. Adam didn’t answer with words; he pressed his lips to Dan’s. And Dan most certainly responded.

            He rose up on his tiptoes, his hands went straight to Adam’s hair, and he felt himself tremble with pleasure. He loathed himself for it. With something that sounded a bit like a sob, he pushed as hard as he could against Adam’s chest. Both men were surprised when Adam actually had to take a step backward.

            “Are you crazy? In the middle of the bloody street?”

            “What? Afraid someone will see and know that Daniel Radcliffe likes fucking men?”

            “I don’t like—” Dan began to yell back at Adam, and then realized what he was doing and lowered his voice to a hush. “I don’t like men. I like women. I sleep with women.”

            “You like women,” Adam said, laughing mirthlessly. “That’s why you shove your tongue down my throat and dry hump me every chance you get.”

            “I was acting.”

            “You’re not acting when you curl your body around mine in your sleep.”

            There was no way to deny it. Dan closed his eyes so that he could hide the tears that came into them, and in the blackness that followed he remembered how it felt to have Adam’s strong arms around him. “I don’t understand. This is the first time I’ve ever felt like this. I just don’t—”

            “Don’t lie to me.”

            Dan swallowed, then he forced himself to breathe, his chest rising and falling in slow, labored motions. “You’re right. This isn’t the first time. It was something I started realizing about myself years ago, right in the middle of everything else going on in my life. And then last year, when I moved to New York, I…”

            Dan stopped talking, his eyes darting down the street, checking automatically for cameras, for anyone that might be listening in. “Lorenzo and Spencer, they helped me figure things out. Just small things, practically meaningless things, but they let me explore and they never said a word to anyone.”

            Dan took a deep breath and then nodded. “I’m attracted to men.”

            Adam’s expression didn’t change. It stayed nearly blank, like the smooth, unchanging surface of a stone. “Why is that so hard for you to say? Are you scared of it? Ashamed of it?”

            “No, that’s not it at all. It’s part of me, Adam.”

            “A part you seem pretty hell bent on ignoring.” 

 “No, I’m not ignoring it.”

“You’re certainly not facing it.”

“I am _trying_ to face it,” Dan said through clenched teeth.

“By what, acting? You’re just lying to yourself, Dan.” Adam’s voice was low, almost threatening. “But I’m sure it’s easier this way, isn’t it? Bury yourself inside a character, wear a mask, and that way no one suspects… that’s why it’s so easy with me, isn’t it? You can be Matthew or Maggie and never have to own it. But that camera makes you face it. The camera makes you see it. And you don’t like what you see, do you? You’re a coward.”

            Dan opened his mouth to speak but a young couple was walking toward them. He lowered his head, hoping not to be recognized, hoping even harder that they hadn’t heard Adam. After they passed, Dan raised his face to Adam’s, his eyes pleading with the older man to stop.

            “Is it really so awful that you can’t even look at yourself?” Adam snorted, shaking his head at Dan in disgust. “Are you ashamed for being less of a man? Do you hate yourself that much?”

            “I don’t hate myself,” Dan shot back. His breathing was unsteady, ragged, his chest tight with panic. “And I don’t think any less of myself for what I feel for…for you or anyone else…and I’m not a coward. Not in the way you’re thinking. I don’t care if people hate me for this or think less of me or anything like that. I just…I don’t want anyone to know.”

            Adam’s face scrunched in confusion. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

            “I know it doesn’t, not to you,” Dan said. He squeezed his forehead with one hand, trying to fight the inevitable migraine. “You haven’t been part of the public domain since you were eleven. You have no idea what it’s like to feel owned, to feel like everyone has the right to analyze everything you do. I sneeze and it makes front page news; whole message boards are dedicated to what brand of underwear I wear. And god forbid I go out for an evening, I’m painted as a raging alcoholic.”

            “And you’re afraid of what coming out would mean for your career.”

            Dan shook his head. “No. I don’t care about that. I’m afraid of what it would do to _me_.”

            Adam looked at Dan with an expression that was equal parts puzzlement and pity. “I don’t understand.”

            “The first time I dated anyone, Adam, and this was a girl, the press wouldn’t leave us alone. God, the things they printed…” Dan looked up at the blue sky. “It was like our relationship wasn’t our own. It tore us apart. And last year, when I let it slip that Lorenzo and I wrote letters to each other so that we could get into character, the tabloids went crazy. They’d never stop if they knew something like this. This is something I have to keep for me, so that I have something of my own. It’s like my poetry; a little secret I keep from the world so that it can’t ever be theirs…so that they can’t destroy it…so that some part of me is still just mine…”

            “So you keep your relationships with men a secret? That’s your solution?”

            Dan winced at the harshness in Adam’s tone, but his gaze didn’t falter when he looked back into the singer’s eyes. “I don’t know what the solution is, Adam. I don’t know how to deal with this. I’m just trying to understand right now. I’m just getting to know this part of myself and I just need… _time._ Surely you can understand that.” Dan watched Adam’s eyes changed from sharp to soft as he took in the words. “Yes, the movie is a fear, I won’t lie. I’m afraid it will be obvious to everyone, and they will start prying. But more than anything, I don’t want them to take what I feel for you away and make it something…cheap. I don’t want them to reduce what I’m feeling for you to a label or a rumor or an assumption. But I care for you, Adam. So much that I forget to be scared when you’re around and… I let my guard down. I forget to be vigilant. I don’t understand it yet, what that means. But you’re the first man that’s ever made me forget. You’re the first _person_ to ever make me forget.”

            Adam’s lips twitched. “So you weren’t acting…”

            Dan smiled a little. “Every kiss was real, Adam. Even when I was inside Maggie’s head, I was using my attraction for you to connect to Scott.”

            “You want me.” Adam reached out, touched his hand to Dan’s cheek.

            Dan’s eyes fluttered shut. “Yes. And I’m not afraid of that. Please don’t think I’m afraid of that.”

            Adam swallowed and nodded. “So what do we do now? Meet in secret? Go out with one of us dressed in drag? Pretend we’re best friends and get a couple of girls to be our beards?”

            Dan smiled and blew out the breath he’d been holding. Adam understood, and it was such a relief to know it. “Yes, exactly. No one will bother us, no one will pry into our business…”

            “I see.” Adam nodded but seemed to slump under a heavy weight, the light going out of his eyes. “It’s a pretty, gilded cage you’re building, Dan. I spent about twenty years of my life in something similar. I can’t say it’s a place I’d like to visit again. You know, you can make the cage as beautiful as you want, but it still keeps you from flying.”

            “Adam…”

            “Shh, listen,” Adam said. “You know I haven’t been acting either, you know how I feel. But I cannot pretend to be something I’m not for you. I wasted too many years of my life playing that game.” Dan opened his mouth to say something, but Adam rushed on. “I don’t presume to know what your life has been like, Dan, and what this must be like for you. All I know is that someday, when you’re ready, you’re just going to have to be honest with the world and be strong enough to tell them to fuck off when they try to claim you. And it will be the happiest day of your life. Maybe you’ll find that courage within yourself, or maybe it will be a guy you fall so hard for that you can’t bear to keep him a secret. Whatever it is, one day it will happen. And I really hope it does happen for you.”

            “But Adam, you’re that guy.”

            “No,” Adam said, shaking his head a little. “I’m not. I think you know that, don’t you? So…I’m going to get back home. Brad’s waiting for me.”

            The words were like a kick to the ribs after he’d already been knocked to the ground.  So many things came to the tip of Dan’s tongue, but they were all summed up in one short statement: “He’s not right for you.”

            “No, he’s not,” Adam said softly. He smiled with a sadness that ran so deep and had been there for so long that it had become part of him. “We figured that out a long time ago. But he does love me, Dan. And he cares about me enough to show it.”

            Dan’s car pulled to the curb, but Adam didn’t get in. He began the long trek to his apartment on foot, thankful for having time alone to himself to think, to curse the universe, and maybe even cry. If he was lucky, by the time he got home he’d feel a little less like his heart had been ripped in two, and Brad might not suspect a thing.

 

 

            Dan stumbled blindly to his door, uncaring that his drawstring pajama pants were slipping down or that his hair stood every which way but the right one. All he cared about was stopping that incessant pounding. He didn’t even care if the guy on the other side of the door was a crazy axe murderer at this point. At least in death he’d be able to get some shut eye.

            “What?” Dan barked as he opened the door.

            Colin Vance stood in the hallway, arm poised to pound some more. “Daniel, sorry to bother you so late.”

            “No you’re not and honestly, Colin, it’s four in the fucking morning.”

            “I know, I couldn’t sleep.” Colin pushed by him, not waiting for an invitation. He carried a DVD case in his hands.

            “That makes two of us,” Dan mumbled, resigning himself to entertaining a guest. He shut the door in defeat.

            “What’s that?” Colin asked as he made a home for himself on Dan’s sofa.

            Dan thought about telling Colin about everything. Just letting it all out to someone, even if he wasn’t even particularly a friend, would have felt damned good. But it was not something he was ready to speak out loud, and speaking it would have brought all the sharpness back to the pain he felt. It had taken all his willpower not to pick up his phone and call Adam and beg for him to reconsider. The ounce of pride he still had left was all that prevented him.

            Dan gave Colin a half-hearted smile. “Nothing. So, what’s so important it couldn’t wait until morning?”

            Colin held up the DVD case as Dan plunked down next to him on the couch. “This. You. Adam. It’s fucking brilliant.” Colin got up (it was a bit of a struggle considering his size) and loaded the DVD into the player like he owned the place. “You have to watch this.”

            Dan could think of nothing on earth he wanted to do less than watch what Colin was going to show him. Still, at four in the morning, running on less than an hour’s sleep, he had no energy to argue. He sat on the opposite end of the couch, bracing himself for what was to come while Colin fast forwarded through all the Scotts. When Colin finally pressed “play”, Dan grabbed a pillow and hugged it to his chest, hoping in vain that it could somehow comfort him.

            Dan’s screen self began the scene, and he heard his voice start to accuse Scott. Dan had never been particularly comfortable watching himself act, but as this was a rough cut and devoid of any Hollywood magic, it was especially hard. Without all the gloss he didn’t appear to shine at all. He wondered why anyone would see him and think he was anything special. Dan looked away from himself, turning his eyes to an even more torturous subject: Adam.

            While Matthew went on and on, Dan watched Adam’s face go through a whole spectrum of emotion. First there was fear; a sharpness to his eyes and pale coloring. Then came understanding, Scott’s face relaxing and his posture going slack. Finally, miraculously, Scott became nurturing and compassionate. It wasn’t any one thing that Dan could put his finger on, it just seemed as if Adam’s whole being was reaching out to him, offering him solace and perhaps even sanctuary. And Dan watched as he stood unmoved and unchanging, unfeeling and cold. He turned his face away.

            “No, watch this,” Colin urged him.

            Dan shook his head. “I know what happens. I lose it again, and Adam has to lead me through. I know he saved my ass, Colin. I know. I would have fallen flat on my face if he hadn’t–”

            “No.” Dan picked his head up from where it rested on the pillow and stared at Colin. The director was shaking his head. And, Dan noticed, he had paused the video. “I mean, he may have led you, but look at it. Trust me.”

            Colin pressed play again, and Dan forced himself to look at the screen. He felt his whole body sink into the couch, as if every cell wanted to hide from what he was about to see. Adam was whispering to him, directly in his ear. From the angle the camera caught, it almost looked as if he was planting small kisses on his cheek. Dan watched as his eyes fluttered shut and he nodded onscreen, and Adam drew back to look him in the eye, whispering again, his full lips doing a little sensual dance. Whatever they had told him to do, Dan had obeyed, but only after one quick glance at the camera.

            Colin snapped up the remote and paused the video again. “Even when he was leading you, he was doing it the way Scott would have led Matthew. And you reacted like Matthew. It’s absolutely incredible. Even though you both broke character, you didn’t actually break character at all. The two of you are so in tune, with the characters but most importantly with each other, it’s as if I’m watching art imitate life. Or the other way around.”

            Dan stared at Colin with a mixture of disbelief and curiosity. “You said Adam was good today, but you didn’t seem willing to fight for him.”

            “I was wrong not to. He oozes talent.”

            Dan shook his head in argument. “But he doesn’t think he can act.”

            “And he probably really can’t,” Colin said, gesturing a bit with the remote in his hand. “I mean, he’s had hardly any training, so technically he’s not proficient. But it doesn’t matter. Adam feels things so deeply that he’s a natural for it. If he empathizes with a character at all, he’ll be able to put everything he is into the role. He’s got the gift.”

            Of course Adam had that gift, a gift Dan himself had wished for so many times in his life and on the best of days thought he might possess. It was obvious in the way Adam sang, in the way he watched others and opened himself to them, taking on their pain as his own. He was the calm center of everyone around him, the rock they clung to whenever their lives turned stormy. Everyone wanted to bask in his light, including Dan himself. And, he thought miserably, Brad.

            “There’s more.”

            Colin’s voice drew Dan away from his thoughts, and his head snapped up to the screen, which came to life again at Colin’s command. Dan realized what came next and knew he wouldn’t survive it. Not tonight. Not after what had happened and after spending several hours torturing himself for it. “No, you don’t have to, Colin. I know. Adam and I have chemistry.”

            Colin turned to Dan with a sly grin. “You most certainly did. But it’s not the chemistry I want you to see.”

            Dan looked at the screen then and watched as Matthew rose up on his tiptoes to kiss Scott. Almost immediately they were consumed, wrapped up in each other’s arms, fumbling at each other’s clothes, trying to touch as much as they could all at once. And Dan had to admit, they looked _good._ The way he folded himself into Adam’s body, the way they touched each other as if they’d been lovers for years, only more urgent…it was perfect.

            “Honestly, people are going to go wild for this,” Colin said. Dan was thankful for a reason to look at him, as his body was starting to do awful, disloyal things as he watched himself kiss Adam onscreen. “You and Adam make quite a striking couple, both of you being dark-haired and blue-eyed. And of course, the height difference is completely symbolic of the relationship. Adam has a great face for films, too…so expressive but clean, like a blank canvas.”

            “Yes, he’s gorgeous,” Dan heard himself mumble. Then suddenly Colin leapt to his feet and pressed his thumb into the remote so hard that Dan thought it would break. “What is it?”

            “This is it, what I really wanted you to see.”

            Dan turned back to the screen. He’d somehow ended up on top of Adam, pinning him down against the desk that had been in the room, but they weren’t kissing. It was one of the rare frames where they had surfaced for air, and from the way their hands and hips had frozen in time, Dan could tell they were going to dive back in again any second.

            “What? What is it?” Dan asked. Obviously he and Adam had chemistry. What else was so interesting about this shot?

            “Look at your eyes, Dan. And his.”

            Dan looked and saw. Both pairs of eyes were glowing, warm and bright, utterly enraptured by each other and speaking volumes about love and want and need.

            “It’s as if you’re in love already in this scene. Like you know you’re meant for each other and this is just the beginning.” Colin tossed the remote onto the glass coffee table, which made a horrible sound that didn’t manage to pull Dan’s eyes away from the screen. Not even for a second. “This is why we have to have Adam. All of the other stuff can be managed with a good actor, but that look, and the one you’re giving him… I don’t know how the two of you managed to find that within yourselves and use it so exquisitely, but without that look right there, this film will be dead at the core.” Colin was shaking his head as if he couldn’t believe what he saw on the screen. “Whatever you did, it’s brilliant. And it has to be in my film.”

            “We aren’t acting, Colin.”

            The truth of those words and the shock of having said them out loud felt crushing. He hugged the pillow tight and stared at the carpet, refusing to look at the longing and love in his eyes on the screen and unable to look Colin in the face. Then he heard Colin hum beside him.

            “Yes, I kind of figured as much, but I didn’t want to presume.”

            “You knew?”

            Dan risked a glance at Colin and he was shrugging. “That look can only be achieved one way. It’s too real.”

            “I’m sorry.”

            “Why are you apologizing?” Colin asked, giving Dan a toothy grin. “I’ve had many actors fall for each other on my sets.”

            “I know, but this is different.”

            Colin shook his head. “Because you’re both men? No. That isn’t a factor. If anything I’d say it might help the film.”

            “No, it’s not that,” Dan said, and then took a deep breath followed by a long, slow exhalation. “He won’t do this film, Colin.”

            Colin crossed his arms. “I already told you, he has the gift. If he’s worried about how he’ll measure up as an actor—”

            “It’s not that either.” Colin closed his mouth and stared at Dan expectantly. Dan sighed. “I’ve already gone and fucked it up. He won’t work with me now, I’m sure of it. I’ll be lucky if he even gives me the chance to apologize.”

            Colin’s face fell, his wide lips curving downwards into a frown. “I have to have Adam Lambert for this role, Dan.”

            Dan shook his head. “There’s just no way…”

            “Then you’re just going to have to make it happen, aren’t you?”

            Dan looked into Colin’s eyes, which were serious and insistent. The best director in Hollywood had issued an order, and there was no way that Dan could ignore it and not jeopardize his career. Unable to sit still any longer, Dan got up and walked to his window, looking down on the city and issuing a silent plea for anyone down below to help him. “Colin, even if he agrees to do this film, it won’t be good for us. It’ll fuck with our minds, it’ll hurt us, it might even make us hate each other.”

            Colin got up from the couch and walked over to Dan, leaning on the glass and staring not at L.A., but at the young actor. “So…basically you’re saying that this film is going to be difficult. Tell me, Dan. When did you think that playing a teenage drag queen was going to be easy?”

            Dan couldn’t help but laugh a little at that. “I just don’t need to make it harder, Colin. Mixing up my personal life into this film will be the death of me.”

            “You know what Jeff is going to say…”

            The side of Dan’s mouth curved at the thought of his acting coach. “Use it.”

            Colin nodded. “Exactly. You’re a method actor, and you can’t get much more involved in a character’s life than this.”

            Dan couldn’t argue with that. The similarities between his life and his character’s had him wondering if there was such a thing as fate. The word ‘fate’ made him think of Adam’s belief in soulmates and Dan felt his body droop.

            “What is it?” Colin asked beside him, noting the change.

            “Matthew and Scott don’t have a happy ending.”

            Colin hummed deeply. “I suppose that even Scott couldn’t save Matthew from himself in the end.”

            Dan played over a scene in his head, a scene he wouldn’t be in, where Scott is told that his teenage lover has taken his own life. It was Adam’s face he saw react to the news. His perfect face, twisting in pain and sorrow and regret. Of all the actors they’d auditioned for the part, only Adam would understand the feelings of failure Scott would have at that moment. Maybe because he’d felt them at Dan’s cowardice.

“It does have to be Adam,” Dan finally said in agreement.

“And I’m going to leave it up to you to make sure he signs on,” Colin said, his tone soft but sobering.

 “How, though?” Dan asked. “How can I convince him to do this, after what I did?”

“Daniel,” Colin said, spreading his large hands on Dan’s shoulders. “I have no idea what you did to him, but I’m damned sure you can fix it. You’re a manipulative, conniving, scheming charmer. All great actors are. And I mean that in the best of ways.”

Dan laughed at that, and Colin made his exit. Dan stared at his TV. He and Adam were frozen in time, their eyes telling a thousand secrets, their bodies fusing into one big tangle of skin and bone. The picture of a perfect couple. He felt his stomach tighten and his lips smile.

He had an idea.

 

*

 

Jenny’s bright voice greeted Dan as soon as he set foot into the diner. “Hiya, blue eyes. Wondered when I’d see you around again. What’ll it be?”

Dan couldn’t help but grin at Jenny. She plucked a pencil from her twisted hair, which still was white at the roots, and smacked her bubble gum loudly as she waited for his answer. “Something greasy. None of that shit Adam likes. And coffee, to go, please.”

She blew a pink bubble which popped loudly. “Sure thing.” She watched as Dan’s eyes scanned the little restaurant. “Looking for him?”

Dan’s skin grew hot. “Yeah. You haven’t seen him, have you?”

She shook her head. “He disappeared again, but Brad might know. Brad! Got any idea where Adam is?”

In a corner booth, two hands lowered a newspaper, revealing Brad’s face. He looked directly at Dan. “Depends on who’s asking,” he yelled back.

Jenny gave Dan a little shove. “Go talk to him,” she whispered. “He’s not always an asshole. Maybe you’ll catch him on an off day.”

Dan snorted and walked over to the corner, ignoring the jelly-like feeling in his legs. Brad’s stare was about as welcoming as a cobra’s hiss. Jenny hurried in the direction of the kitchen, yipping out his order to a cook. He hoped she’d come back soon.

“Hi,” Dan said stupidly as he reached Brad’s table. “I’m, uh, looking for Adam.”

Brad studied his face, and then looked down at his hands. “What’s that?” he asked, jerking his head in the direction of the DVD Dan carried.

Dan shrugged. “Adam’s audition. Mind if I sit?”

“It’s a free country,” was Brad’s oh-so-original reply, and Dan slid into the booth. Brad opened his newspaper and his eyes began to scan the print. “How was he?” he said after the short silence.

“What? Oh, the audition…” Dan winced at himself.

“Yes, the audition,” Brad said while looking at him wryly over the top of the paper. “Was the audition good?”

Dan clenched his jaw. He didn’t appreciate being talked to as if he were stupid, even if he did deserve it. “Adam was exceptional. He kind of got me out of a tight spot actually…”

“I’m sure he did.” Brad’s eyes never left the paper, though he was certainly not reading anymore.

Dan sighed. “Look, if you just tell me where he is, I’ll get out of your hair. You won’t have to see me again.”

“I doubt that,” Brad said, “and I can’t tell you where he is.”

“You can’t or you won’t?”

Brad folded the newspaper and set it down. He rested his elbows on the table and looked Dan in the eye. “I won’t.”

Dan gritted his teeth. “Fine, then. Maybe if you could just give him this—”

“Give it to him yourself.”

“You won’t tell me where he is!” Dan exclaimed. “He’s not at his apartment, he’s not here, he’s not due at any of his jobs for hours. I have no idea where he could be.”

“Look harder.”

Dan would have liked to have stared back at Brad with as much coldness in his eyes as he could muster, but after only a handful of seconds, he felt them start to tear up. “Yeah, okay.”

Dan started to stand, unabashedly wiping at his eyes while he lifted himself from the seat. He felt a hand close over his wrist. “Wait a minute.”

Dan looked at Brad. His face had changed. His brown eyes were gentler; his expression had relaxed.

“Sit back down.” Brad waited until Dan obeyed him, and then began to speak again. “What happened between you and Adam?”

“I don’t think that’s any of your business.”

“Adam is my business, Dan,” Brad spat. Dan remembered with a twinge of pain that Adam had said the same about Brad only days ago. “And whatever you did to fuck him up, I want to hear about it.”

“Fuck him up?” Dan repeated in question form. “What do you mean?”

Brad shook his head at Dan. “Like you don’t know.”

“I don’t. I mean, we argued but…”

“He wrote _music_ last night,” Brad hissed. “Music. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve seen him try songwriting? And god, the songs he was humming all night…”

“All night?”

Brad glared at him. “What happened?”

Dan glared back. “Are the two of you back together?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“I need to know where I stand with him,” Dan said, jaw set.

“So do I.”

            The raw emotion in Brad’s voice made Dan’s insides ache. Empathy took over, and he knew that if tables were turned, he’d be just as upset as Brad. And he understood how hard it must have been for Brad to speak those words out loud, to him of all people.

            Dan drew in a breath and began. “After the audition yesterday, I told him that I wasn’t acting with him. That I really feel something for him, and every time I’ve kissed him, it’s been real for me.” Dan paused and looked at Brad, who was waiting for him to continue. “What? No reaction?”

            “I’m about to come across this table and strangle you for kissing him. Want that reaction?”

            “I didn’t mean about that.”

            Brad snorted. “About you falling for Adam, then? No surprise there. My gaydar went berserk the moment I met you.”

            Dan’s mouth fell open. “You knew?”

            “Of course,” Brad said, cackling. “Don’t tell me you didn’t.”

            “No…” Dan said quietly over Brad’s laughter. “I knew. I just didn’t want anyone to know.”

            “I see.”

            “No, you don’t. It’s not what you’re thinking. I’m not scared to come out, I just don’t want to. And Adam doesn’t understand my reasons.”

Brad studied him for a minute. “What are your reasons, Dan? Your career?”

            Dan shook his head. “It’s a little more complicated than that.”

            Dan began to explain, oddly finding courage in Brad’s gentle prodding and understanding eyes. Jenny brought out his food, which he picked at sparingly as he told his tale, filling Brad in on the details of their argument, surprising himself as he left nothing out.

            “I see,” Brad finally said when Dan had finished talking. Then he grew almost eerily silent.

            “You’re mad. You have every right to be. I know he’s yours.”

            Brad laughed sadly at that. “Adam doesn’t belong to anyone, Dan.”

            Dan watched as the glimmer in Brad’s eyes faded, his thoughts obviously drifting elsewhere. “So you aren’t back together, then?”

            “He asked me if we could give it another shot last night. Of course, I knew he was asking for the wrong reasons, but I told him yes anyway.” Brad lifted his chin up, looking down on Dan with the air of triumph. “I can make him happy. I can be faithful or anything else he wants. He’ll be fine without you.”

            Dan winced and found himself holding himself back from saying about a million things, all arguments that would only serve to make him sound jealous and bitter, even if they were the truth. Instead, he said, “Brad, I know you won’t help me find him. I don’t blame you. But you should know, the studio wants him for the movie. And if he doesn’t do this, it probably won’t get made.”

“And you need this film made. For your career.”

 _For my sanity._ Dan shook his head. “I can do without it. There will be other films and other challenging roles. But this could be the start of something for him. I know he really wants to sing, but this could be a springboard.”

Something flickered in Brad’s dark irises then, though Dan didn’t know what it was. Recognition? Understanding, perhaps? Maybe it was just hope for Adam. Dan sighed. “Maybe you could give this to him? He should at least see how good he was, so he might consider it.”

Dan slid the DVD across the table. Brad reached out, ran his index finger over the slick surface of the cover, and then pushed it back. “He’ll be at the Avalon tonight for the Zodiac Show. Do you remember where it was?”

Dan nodded.

“Good,” Brad said, nodding as well. “He usually finishes up around ten. Don’t be late or someone else might snatch him up.”

Brad winked, but the words were clearly a threat. Brad was giving him a narrow window, and Dan wasn’t sure how much he could trust him, if he could trust him at all. “Why are you doing this?”

“Adam’s worked all of his life to be a star. I won’t let him pass up his chance just because some stupid Brit is fucking with him.”

A chill ran through Dan’s body, starting from inside his chest and moving outward. Slowly, an unfriendly grin crept across Brad’s face, and that chill seemed to linger over Dan’s skin.

“Thanks,” he said to Brad finally, because he didn’t know what else to say, and he stood to leave. As he threw some money on the table and left, DVD case in hand, he could have sworn he heard Brad laugh.

 

*

 

Dan entered the Avalon Theatre at exactly 9:45pm. Adam was on the stage, gyrating on random bodies that danced around him. Dan couldn’t bring himself to watch, but he couldn’t help but hear. Adam’s voice seemed edgy tonight, almost angry, and it was too aggressive for the sexy little Prince song he sang. Dan carved a path slowly through the enraptured crowd, keeping his eyes on the faces around him. He didn’t want to run into Brad or any of Adam’s friends tonight. He wouldn’t be able to deal with their running commentary. He found an empty stretch of the back wall and leaned against it, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. If Adam saw him, he might try to escape after the show, and Dan couldn’t risk that.

Suddenly all the lights went down and people went crazy. Dan almost rolled his eyes. Adam would do his big sexy rock number and the show would be over. _Give ‘em what they want, Lambert,_ Dan thought.

            Then one overhead spot turned on, a soft white light that flowed in an ethereal way from the top of the theater to the black stage, and in the center of it was Adam, sitting in a chair, his hand gripping a microphone, raising it up to his mouth slowly as a chord echoed from a distant piano.

            _“Is it getting better, or do you feel the same? Does it make it easier on you now you’ve got someone to blame? You say one love, one life, when it’s one need in the night. One love, we get to share it. Leaves you baby, if you don’t care for it…”_

“No…” Dan said out loud, uncaring who heard him. _Not that song. Anything but that song._ But the piano went on and so did Adam, softly, almost delicately, as if they gave too much, then they would both shatter. Adam wrapped his voice around the lyrics, lifting them up, suspending them, holding them captive, making them a slave to his emotion.

            The audience seemed to collectively shift uncomfortably. Dan heard whispers around him.

            “What is he doing?”

            “I thought he closed with Zeppelin…”

            “Jesus, what the hell is wrong with Adam?”

            Dan wished he could morph into the wall and disappear. As it was, the only option for him was to run outside, as fast as he could, but before his feet could move, Adam started into the next verse.

            _“Have you come here for forgiveness? Have you come to raise the dead?”_

Dan’s head turned to the stage so fast it sent a spike of pain down his spine. To his relief, Adam wasn’t looking at him. His eyes seemed to be focused upward, maybe toward the balcony, or even the bright exit signs above the double doors. Dan flattened himself against the wall, trapped, assaulted by the words Adam continued to sing.

            _“Did I ask too much, more than a lot? You gave me nothing and now that’s all I’ve got. We’re one but we’re not the same. We hurt each other then we do it again.”_

A sharp intake of breath echoed around the theater when Adam suddenly stood, his stance wide, his posture accusing, his voice broken and injured.

            _“You say love is a temple, love is a higher law, love is a temple, love is a higher law. You asked me to enter and then you make me crawl, and I can’t keep holding on to what you’ve got, when all you’ve got is hurt.”_

“No,” Dan said again, this time loud enough that he felt the stares of a few people around him. Both from embarrassment and pain, he hid his face behind his hands and tried to force his mind to travel to a happier place.

            Miraculously, the song ended and the single light illuminating Adam’s beautiful form shut off, and the crowd went out of its mind. Dan barely registered the words of praise falling out of the mouths around him, barely could comprehend how raw and naked Adam had just let himself become in front of a thousand people. But seeing him like that was like staring at an open wound. And Dan’s whole body ached with sympathy pains.

            Dan moved without knowing it, following the crowd toward the front doors, letting himself get swept away. Then he was outside, trying to catch his breath with the other audience members, sucking it in greedily lest there not be enough to go around. Minutes ticked by before he regained his composure enough to realize that he was probably too late; Brad had certainly stolen Adam away by now.

            He was back through the doors as fast as he could manage. The crowd was flowing against him but he fought upstream, managing to break through a small gap and get inside the theater. It was practically empty. The lights were up, almost glaringly, and the blackness of everything inside seemed rather grim. Dan didn’t see anyone on or around the stage who looked like an employee, so he took off in the direction he remembered from the other night. It wasn’t until he was in the long, narrow hallway of dressing rooms that he saw another person. It was a performer from the show, decked out in the glam costume that all the others had been in. He – or she, Dan couldn’t quite tell because of the wig and face paint – looked at him strangely.

            “Lost, honey?”

            The voice was deep and booming. “Yeah. I’m trying to find Adam.”

            The man looked him over appraisingly, and then nodded toward the third door in the long line. “He’s in there but, uh, it won’t be easy stealing his attention from Cheeks.”

            _Who the hell is Cheeks?_ Dan thought, but didn’t ask out loud, as the man was already halfway down the hall in the other direction. He walked to the door, stood staring at it for a minute, and then raised his hand to knock. No one answered. He knocked again. Again no answer. He bit his lip and wondered for a split second if this was a bad idea before he grabbed the knob and turned.

            It was a bad idea.

            Brad, Dan realized with a painful thump in his head, was Cheeks. And Cheeks had his legs over Adam’s shoulders. And Cheeks was on top of the makeup counter, his shoulders pressed against the mirror behind him, his ass at the edge of the counter. And Adam was buried inside him, balls deep.

Brad slowly turned his head to Dan, looking him straight in the eye as Adam thrust in, and Dan grimaced against the moan that Brad aimed in his direction.

“Dan. Just in time.” Brad’s eyes were laughing. “We’re just about to finish up, aren’t we, Adam?”

Dan felt bile surge up from his stomach and he tried to make himself back out of the room or turn around but found that he just _fucking couldn’t._ Dan’s eyes were drawn automatically to where Adam’s body was joined with Brad’s. Brad kept his gaze on Dan as he arched, moaning this time so loudly that his voice broke. He reached up and grabbed a handful of Adam’s hair and growled, “Don’t fucking stop.”

Dan stood there, paralyzed with shock. His feet were stuck to the floor and wouldn’t move. Nor could he use any of the muscles inside his throat. He’d forgotten how to speak or how to swallow. He couldn’t scream at Brad to stop like he wanted; he couldn’t get out of the room so that he wouldn’t have to see.

Then suddenly Adam was looking directly at him, mouth hanging open in surprise, as if just now realizing Dan was there. “Fuck…” Adam hissed, but Brad grabbed Adam’s hips and pulled him in closer. Deeper.

Brad’s smile at Dan was the cruelest thing he’d ever seen. “I think what Adam is trying to say is, why don’t you wait outside?”

Those words seemed to break the spell that held him captive, and Dan turned and fled, slamming the door shut behind him. He headed towards an unmarked door at the end of the hallway and launched himself through it, landing in a dark, narrow alley. His back hit the brick wall behind him with a crack, and he slid down until his ass landed on the rough pavement below. For a moment all he could do was listen to his hiccupping breaths and the voices of people passing in the street. He wanted to cry but found he just didn’t have enough left in him to shed tears, even though it would have offered release to the painful tension in his throat and chest. He turned over the DVD case in his hands and then opened it. A slip of paper fell onto the pavement, the note he’d written on it landing face up. It said simply: 7:26.

Dan stared at the numbers. He heard the door next to him open.

“Dan?”

Quickly, Dan picked up the note and shoved it inside the case, snapping it shut. He refused to look up at Adam.

“Dan…” Adam knelt next to Dan and put a hand on his shoulder.

Dan shrugged it off. “I came to give you this. You really should watch it.” Dan thrust the DVD at Adam, his gaze steadfast at the ground. “Colin really wants you to take this role. He’s kind of hell bent on it, actually. He seems to think that without you in this—”

“Dan,” Adam said, forcefully enough to make Dan shut his mouth. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“I’m the one that walked in uninvited. I’m sorry I interrupted.”

Adam raised a brow at the formality and detached tone Dan used. “It was nothing.”

“Nothing. Sure.” Dan nodded his head as if he completely agreed.

“Really,” Adam said as if that proved it. “Brad and I…we know how to just let it be what it is, and it’s just sex. Sometimes, when I get off stage I just need to…”

“Get off.”

Adam looked over at Dan sharply, taken off guard. “Yes.”

“I can understand that.” Dan stood then, and Adam did as well and he finally took the DVD from Dan’s offering hands. “Well, you got what you wanted tonight. So did I. And I think Brad did too. Now that that’s done, I should get going.”

“Wait.” Adam’s hand on Dan’s elbow made the actor stay still. “What did you mean, Brad got what he wanted tonight?”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Nothing. Never mind.” Dan started to walk toward the street and the sound of cars and voices and shoes on the sidewalk. Then, without warning, he turned on his heel and looked Adam straight in the eye. “How can you do that? How can you let him touch you and… Fuck, you don’t love him!”

“Yes I do, Dan.”

“You know what I mean!” Dan’s voice echoed off the surrounding buildings. “You’re not in love with him, you know he’s not right for you, and he’s a manipulative, scheming bastard and yet you do _that_ with him like you have absolutely no dignity, like you think you can’t do any fucking better than that asshole…”

“Better?” Adam said. His voice, Dan noted, was dark, on the edge of violent. “You mean like you?” He paused to snort and shake his head. “Yeah, Radcliffe, you’d like to hide me away so that no one will ever see me with you. If that’s how you’d prefer me to keep my dignity, I think I’ll have to pass.”

“That’s not what I meant.” Dan sighed with frustration and his shoulders slumped. “Look, it doesn’t matter. Whatever you do, it’s none of my business.”

“Damned straight.”

            Dan looked right into Adam’s eyes, knowing full well that Adam would probably be able to read his mind through them. He’d see the hurt, the replaying image of him with Brad, the desperation.

            “Just watch this. Please. Colin really wants you. He won’t do this without you. I know you’ve already said no, which means that this film isn’t ever going to get made, but… you need to see how good you were. Because you really were. You made me better, too.” Dan bit his lip. Adam’s eyes had changed. The blue of his irises made a ring around his large pupils, and they were welcoming and sympathetic, and Dan wished in vain that he could drift into the haven there. “I know you probably just want to forget this whole thing, but really. Watch it. Not for me, because you don’t owe me anything, but just so you know…” _So you know what could have been._

Dan turned away and began to walk toward the street, keeping his eyes on the moving pavement below. The pavement was blurred by tears. In a choked voice, he said over his shoulder, “Thanks for your help, Adam.”

            As he drifted toward the crowded street, he heard the door open and Brad’s voice ask Adam if everything was alright. And Dan heard Adam answer softly into the night, “Yeah. Everything’s fine.”

 

            *

 

            For the second time in as many days, someone knocked on Dan’s door in the middle of the night. Dan was awake, scribbling in the journals that he’d spread out all over his bed like a painter might spread paint on his palette. He hadn’t been able to sleep. Even though his eyes were dry and heavy and his body felt achy from fatigue, his mind was throwing poetry at him left and right, and there was no way to stop it. He let his tired body be a vessel and laid himself at the mercy of his muse.

            His muse had been unforgiving. The knock was a bit of a relief, as it at least afforded him a small break.

            Dan opened the door, expecting to see Colin in another one of his artistic fits behind it. It was Adam. Dan’s body tingled with a mixture of anxiety and desire when Adam looked him straight in the eyes. His, Dan noted, were rimmed with red, and he wore no makeup on his face.

            “Adam? What’s wrong?”

            Adam’s body crashing into his was the only answer Dan received. Adam’s chest hit his, and his arms drew him in, drew him up, until their lips slammed into each other with almost painful force. Adam’s tongue didn’t ask permission to enter Dan’s mouth, it barged in, and Dan’s rubbed against it as rough as he could manage. It was biting as much as it was kissing; teeth scraped together, scraped tongues, and when Dan tasted blood he wasn’t sure who it belonged to.

            Adam backed Dan away from the door, his hands and hips guiding Dan’s body through the living room and into his bedroom. Dan went willingly, without any hesitation, too involved in Adam’s kisses and the way their bodies felt against each other to wish for anything else. When the back of his knees bumped into his bed, he didn’t pause. He let himself fall, pulling Adam on top of him, tumbling onto his journals.

            Adam landed deftly, his weight spreading out over Dan’s as if he’d done it a thousand times before, and then they were kissing again with their arms pulling each other in as much as possible.

            Dan sighed into Adam’s mouth, enjoying how heavy and hard Adam’s body was as it slid over his. He wanted Adam closer, wanted to be wrapped around him; he wanted, Dan realized with a start, Adam _inside_ of him. Dan spread his legs and wrapped his ankles around the back of Adam’s calves. He pressed up, Adam pressed down, and they both groaned as aching pleasure overtook them. They moved together, grinding and rubbing, desperate to relieve that ache. Dan opened his whole body to Adam’s attack. He drew his legs up, parting himself wider, and leaned his head back so that Adam could nip and tongue his neck. Between them, one of Adam’s hands worked at the buttons on Dan’s shirt, slowly slipping each one through the hole until the shirt was pushed aside, and his skin caught fire with Adam’s touch. Dan reached down to the hem of Adam’s shirt and began to pull it up.

            “No…” Adam’s hand closed over Dan’s, stilling it. Dan gazed up at him in confusion. Adam repeated his word. “No.”

            The haze of passion Dan had felt just seconds ago dissipated inside his head, and was replaced with thick fog. “What?”

            Adam rolled off of him and sat on the edge of the bed, facing away. Dan could see in the window’s reflection that he was wiping at his eyes. “I can’t do this.”

            Dan sat up and pulled his shirt back over his chest. “You’re the one who burst into my apartment at three a.m. like some kind of wild, horny dog.”

            “I know,” Adam said softly. Dan watched his hair fall into his face in the reflection. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to start anything. But you opened the door and looked rumpled and tired and so fucking beautiful… I’m sorry.”

            “Adam,” Dan began, rising up on his knees to move closer to the other man. He put his arms around Adam’s chest and he felt him shake underneath his touch. His breathing was unsteady, almost shuddering. “What is it? Why did you come here, if not to kiss me crazy and then tell me that…” _That it’s all okay, and you want to be with me no matter what the cost._ “That you obviously don’t want to be here?”

            “I, uh…I wanted to return this.” Adam stood slowly, crossing the room to where it met up with the living room. He knelt and picked up the DVD case of the audition. Dan couldn’t remember him dropping it. Adam raised his eyes to Dan’s, and the dull iciness of them made Dan shiver. “And to tell you that you had no right. Absolutely no right to show me this.”

            “What?” Dan whispered in shocked response. “I don’t understand. Surely you had a right to know how amazing you were, so that you know you can do this film.”

            Adam opened up the case and removed the little slip of paper Dan had tucked inside, holding it up between their eyes, dissecting their gaze with the numbers 7:26. “Sure I did. But you had no right to show me exactly where to look. Do you think I want to see that? Did you possibly think, you selfish little shit, that I’d fucking want to look at that?”

            Dan felt humiliation press down on him, heavy and hot as molten lead. It was exactly seven minutes and twenty-six seconds into their audition when he’d looked at Adam like he made the sun rise and set. “I’m sorry, Adam. I just wanted you to see for yourself that I really do care about you. I think the way I looked at you in that frame shows it, and it’s—”

             “It’s always about you, isn’t it?”Adam bit his lip and laughed almost maniacally.

            “Excuse me?” Dan countered, getting angry.

            “I know how you looked at me, Dan, I was there. Remember?” Adam snorted and tossed the DVD onto the bed beside Dan. “What I didn’t need to see was the way I was looking at you.”

            Understanding socked Dan in the gut, and he tried in vain to pull air into his deflating lungs.

            “Do you think I need the reminder, huh?” Adam asked. His voice was wild, uncontrolled, breaking as it rose up higher with his frustration. “Do you think I need reminded that, in that moment, I thought I’d found everything, only to have it taken away right after this?”

            “What?” Adam hadn’t been acting, Dan knew, but still. The look in Adam’s eyes at 7:26 had only been passionate and warm and loving and… _Oh._ He tried to correct his mistake. “But… It doesn’t have to be that. We were kissing pretty intensely at the time and—”

            “Don’t presume to tell me how I was looking at you, Dan. I know. I fucking _know_.” Adam ran a shaky hand over his hair, pulling it at the roots slightly. “Brad may have had to point it out to me, but I sure as shit recognized that look on my face. He did.”

            “Brad?” Dan’s mind desperately tried to catch up.

            “You know what he said to me? He said, ‘I remember when you used to look at me like that.’” Adam pulled at his hair again, this time hard and with both hands. “What the hell am I supposed to do with that? Why would you do this? Do you enjoy hurting me?”

            “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I just wanted you to see how I really feel!”

            “And I saw how I really feel in the process! So now what do I do? Just hope and pray that eventually you won’t matter anymore? That by some miracle you aren’t…” Adam paused, closing his eyes and forcing his voice back down into its lower range, “…that you aren’t exactly what I’ve been looking for all my life?”

            Soulmates. _Oh god…_ Now Dan truly understood. He understood why Adam was so upset. He thought he’d found his _love_ , and Dan had taken that thought and smashed it to bits with just a few sentences. Dan stood and reached out for Adam. “Adam, we can have that. We can. Just tell me what to do. Tell me what I can do to fix this and make it right…”

            Adam did not take Dan’s hand. He stood still, shaking his head. “You can’t make it right. It’s too late. You didn’t see anything in me worth risking the chance for.”

            “No, I did,” Dan argued, his voice breaking. “I tried to tell you. I want to take this risk for you.”

            “Risk, huh? By hiding what’s between us?” Adam shook his head. “No. If you really felt like I did, you would have wanted to shout it from the rooftops.”

            “Not for me. For me it’s exactly the opposite.” Dan heard his voice shake with conviction. It was the truth. The same feelings as Adam’s, the opposite reaction. _Hide him away, protect him, keep him safe, keep him just mine for a little longer…_ “Please Adam. I can fix this.”

            Adam was still shaking his head. “No. It’s too late, Dan. And I don’t want to see you again. I can’t deal with any more reminders.”

            And Adam slipped quietly out of the apartment, leaving Dan sitting on his bed. He stayed there all night, thinking things over, feeling more alone than he’d ever felt in all his life.

 

            *

            Dan sat in a makeup chair, being powdered and rouged and gelled and tweaked. He stared at the ceiling as a petite makeup girl dabbed concealer under his eyes. She stopped and studied him, and Dan studied her studying him. Her frown was discouraging.

            “Maybe if I put a cool face mask on you for a few minutes…”

            Dan looked at himself in the mirror. Under the glaring yellow lights, he looked even worse than he’d feared. The circles under his eyes were so pronounced that he might have gotten away with telling everyone he’d been in a bar fight the night before. And lost. He sighed.

            “I’m not sure anything will make me look good today, Julie.”

            The girl flushed and tried to backtrack. “Oh, I didn’t mean…I was just saying…you always look great, Dan.”

            Dan chuckled. “Don’t worry about it. I look like shit, we can both say it out loud. I haven’t been able to sleep lately.”

            She gave him an apologetic smile, one that raised the right side of her mouth in a way that made her look about twelve years old. “I’ll go get the mask. It can’t hurt to try.”

            She rushed off, leaving Dan as alone as he could get with the whole staff of the Ellen DeGeneres Show whizzing by at regular intervals. The pre-show treatment couldn’t be beat here. The producers always bent over backwards for him, the catered spread was the tastiest around, and the staff was always friendly and laid back. The staff members at the morning shows and Oprah rushed around as if the Queen of Hearts would shout “Off with their heads!” at any second, but on Ellen’s set, everything was practically Zen. Too bad he was too nervous to enjoy it today. Dan swiveled his head around to check out the food when he felt his cell vibrate against his thigh.

            Dan flipped open his phone and spoke into it. “Radcliffe.”

            “Are you prepped?”

            “Are you?”     

            Dan heard Colin sigh heavily on the other end of the line. “Yes, but this isn’t about me. It’s not about the producers or your agent, or the studio or the covers of magazines. This is about—”

            “The journey, I know,” Dan finished for Colin with a grumble. For the past two days, as Dan had sequestered himself in his apartment, wallowing in heartbreak and self-loathing, all Colin could talk about was The Journey. He was convinced that Adam and Dan were on some sort of inner spiritual cosmic journey together, and that they must find themselves in each other, or some other New Age mumbo jumbo that made Dan roll his eyes dramatically.

            Truth be told, he liked hearing Colin talk so passionately about it. Colin’s emphatic speeches about destiny and self-discovery made his own hopes feel justified.

            “And this has nothing to do with the film, of course.” There was a whisper of a smile in Dan’s voice.

            “The film is part of your journey, Dan, don’t you feel that?”

            Dan felt lucky that Colin couldn’t see him nodding in agreement. “I hope you’re right, because I’m going on in a few minutes. I know you say it’s not about the publicity, but Colin, if this angers the studio in any way I want you to tell me.”

            “Don’t worry about the studio, I’ll handle them.” Dan felt gratitude toward the director bloom inside his chest, near his heart. “They wanted this film, after all. It would be a little hypocritical of them to be pissed if fact and fiction are one and the same. Do what you need to do to make things right with Adam. And then, hopefully, all will be right in my little world as well.”

            Dan wished like hell it was that easy. “Even if he forgives me, I still don’t think he’ll do the film.”

            “Tell him about the _journey_.”

            Dan couldn’t help himself. He giggled. Talking to Colin the past few days was like being inside some sort of self-help book. “Okay, I need to go. The poor makeup girl is almost in tears over the bags under my eyes.”

            Colin said goodbye just as Julie returned with a cool eye mask, and in just a few short moments, Dan was ushered out into the studio, looking considerably better than he had when he’d arrived. He hugged the talk show hostess sincerely and took a seat in the cushy armchair across from her. The audience was screaming with excitement. He recognized a few fans from various Harry Potter events and nodded to them. They were like beacons of light as a storm of apprehension started to take control of his body. His palms grew clammy, his tongue suddenly felt way too big for his mouth, and he felt heat spread over his neck and chest. As Ellen began to speak to him, he had the crazy urge to bolt offstage into the sanctity of the green room. He forced himself to stay still and hoped he could keep down the carrots he’d picked off the catering table to eat. Then Ellen’s bright, friendly eyes looked into his and he took a deep breath and did what he had set out to do.

 

****

 _Ellen: It’s been, what? Two years since you were on my show last?_  
 _Dan: Yeah, two, I think._  
 _Ellen: It’s been too long, whatever it is. But from what I’ve been told, you have a good excuse. Something about finishing up a little movie franchise._

She paused while the audience collectively lost their shit. Dan let himself laugh at that.

 _Dan: Yeah, Harry Potter. It’s over. Finally._  
 _Ellen: You sound a little relieved._  
 _Dan: Do I? I don’t mean to, I guess. It’s more that I’m just looking forward to doing something else. It’s been a part of me for such a long time, I’m looking forward to discovering who Daniel Radcliffe really is, without a scar on his forehead._  
 _Ellen: Are you saying you don’t know who you are? Because I have to say, if you don’t know, I’m not sure any of us can help you._

The audience laughed again, this time a little nervously, which is exactly how Dan laughed as well. He laced his fingers together to keep them still.

 _Dan: In a way, I don’t. I haven’t really had a normal life. There are a lot of things I’m just learning about myself._  
 _Ellen: Like what?_  
 _Dan: Like I don’t really like big cities all that much. And that ice cream with bits of chocolate chip cookie dough in it is the greatest creation known to man. And that I don’t know how it feels to go to the grocery store by myself._  
 _Ellen: And is that what you want? I mean, do you want to get out of the spotlight now?_

Dan smiled sadly at the camera, then at Ellen.

 _Dan: I wouldn’t know what to do or how to act without a spotlight on me. I might just disappear when it’s aimed somewhere else. Maybe I don’t exist without it._

Ellen didn’t know what to say to that. For once, her wit seemed out of place and crass. Dan watched as she leaned back into her chair and studied him. She prodded him gently.

 _Ellen: I suppose the only way to tell is to try it._  
 _Dan: I agree. But it won’t be now. Unfortunately, I love acting too much. I feel it’s my calling. And acting and publicity go hand in hand. I’ve learned that the long, hard way._  
 _Ellen: We watched you grow up. I remember when your voice was changing, thinking, God, this kid must hate life right now._

Everyone laughed, Dan included.

 _Dan: Exactly. A pimple was like an international crisis._  
 _Ellen: But you’ve learned?_  
 _Dan: I have. I’ve learned when is best to go out, what places are more discreet, to be careful with what I say and to who I say it to, that kind of thing. But I also have to be careful not to take that too far._  
 _Ellen: What do you mean?_

Dan shrugged. He knew where to go from there.

 _Dan: There can be too many secrets, too many things kept hidden when really, they should be shared. You end up hurting people. Losing people. The people you care about the most. The person who is the last person in the world you want to hurt… they feel like you don’t care, and you lose them. They’re gone because you were too scared to share them. And you both end up alone, even though you should be together._  
 _Ellen: You sound almost as if you have a certain person in mind._  
 _Dan: I do. The fear of being too exposed paralyzed me. I was a coward. And because I was a coward, I lost him._

Ellen’s back straightened and a dull whisper coursed through the audience.

 _Ellen: I’m sorry, did you just say ‘him’?_  
 _Dan: I did. Him._  
 _Ellen: You mean…_  
 _Dan: I was in love with a man. No, I AM in love with a man. Sorry, it’s still a little new for me in a lot of ways. Not hard to say, just unfamiliar. Like learning a foreign language. I can mimic the sounds, even if they don’t quite make sense to me yet._

Ellen’s face blossomed into the picture of pure pride, like a stage mom watching her daughter win a pageant crown, and Dan could have sworn he saw tears in her eyes.

 _Ellen: Did you just come out on national TV?_  
 _Dan: Yes, I think I did._  
 _Ellen: For him?_  
 _Dan: For him._  
 _Ellen: Do you think he’s watching?_  
 _Dan: I don’t know. And I don’t know that even if he sees this, it will do any good. I’m probably too late. But I hope he hears it. He needs to know I’m proud of how I feel for him, and that I’m shouting it from the rooftops._

Dan could barely hear Ellen’s congratulations to him because the audience rose to its feet, applauding and shouting love and encouragement in his direction. Dan sat there smiling through the noise, hoping in vain that somewhere out there, Adam was watching.

 

            Adam opened his apartment door, kicked it shut, threw his keys on the kitchen counter and went straight for the booze. He reached for a bottle among his collection and indiscriminately chose tequila. After about four full swallows of the clear liquid he finally felt the burn, pried the bottle from his lips and coughed.

            “Rough night?”

            Adam squeezed his watering eyes shut and coughed again, nodding his head. He took another swig directly from the bottle and then shoved it back on the shelf, knowing he’d just gone past his allowance of uncouth alcohol binging for the year. “Sometimes working with queens can be a real bitch.”

            He looked at Brad, who was clad in a skimpy pair of black briefs and was lying on his stomach on the couch. His hair was messy, flat on one side and not the other, like he’d been sleeping. Adam couldn’t help but let his eyes travel the length of his ex-boyfriend’s body, from the slender shoulders down to the trim little waist and the perfectly rounded cheeks of his ass. He earned his nickname well. Adam felt his cock twitch in appreciation.

            “Want to help me relieve a little stress?” Adam purred.

            Brad lifted his head, looking over his shoulder at Adam, and licked his lips. “What do you have in mind?”

            Adam wanted to respond with something smooth and sexy, but then Brad lazily rolled over onto his back and arched his body with a long stretch, and Adam’s mind went blank. Brad’s hipbones did a little dance underneath his skin, and all Adam could think about was running his tongue down the little shadows they created. Brad’s hips were almost perfect. Slim, firm…nearly as edible as Dan’s.

            Dan’s. _Fuck._

            Adam moved toward the couch, determined to ignore the infuriating thoughts of a certain child actor that kept popping into his head, determined to let Brad’s talented mouth give him temporary amnesia. He stood by Brad’s feet, looking down at him with a cocky grin, wiggling a little finger in front of him. “Come here.”

            Brad sat up obediently, rearranging himself so that he was sitting on his knees at Adam’s end of the couch. Frustratingly, he made no move to touch him. He looked at Adam, his deep brown eyes narrowing on him thoughtfully for a few long minutes. He frowned. “Adam, have you seen the news today? TV, internet…anything?”

            “Brad, babe, unless this has something to do with scientists discovering a new deep-throating technique, I really don’t want to talk right now.”

            Adam reached out to grab the back of Brad’s head, but Brad dodged the touch. “No. Really. Have you heard anything out of the ordinary today?”

            Adam sighed. His shoulders deflated, as did his erection. “Why do you ask?”

            “Well…” Brad began a little apprehensively, “Dan was on Ellen.”

            “So what?” Adam asked, surprising both himself and Brad with the impatient and sharp edge in his voice.

            Brad flinched but then continued to look up at Adam sadly, cautiously. “So…I think you need to watch it.”

            Adam swallowed hard and shook his head. “I’ve had a long day and that tequila is starting to kick in. I think I’ll just go to bed.”

            “No, you really should watch it. It’s on Tivo. Just let me—”

            “For fuck’s sake, Brad!” Adam exploded. “I don’t want to watch it! I don’t want to see him, or hear him or… _anything!_ I just want to go on with my life and forget about the whole stupid thing.”

            Adam turned and started off down the hallway toward his room in a huff.

            “He came out,” Brad said softly behind him. Adam paused and then pivoted slowly in place. Brad was standing now, looking more fragile than Adam had ever seen him look. There was sadness in his eyes, Adam noted, and more than a little bit of fear.

            “What did you say?”

            Brad smiled just a little. “Dan. He came out, on Ellen’s show. I mean, he told her and pretty much all of the free world that he’s in love with a boy. I’m assuming he means you.”

            Adam felt as if someone had poured a bucket of ice water over his head. He shivered. “Why would he do that?”

            “Most likely so that you’ll stop thinking he’s a jerk and to win you back.” Though the smile was firm on Brad’s lips, his voice was coated with melancholy.

            “He can’t win me back if he never had me. He never really wanted me in the first place,” Adam muttered. His words tasted like vinegar. “He’s a jerk.”

            “Why? Because he wasn’t ready to go public with something that must confuse him and terrify him?” Brad stepped closer to Adam as he spoke.

“No…”

“Because he didn’t want you to be followed and hounded by paparazzi? Or your relationship to be scrutinized by thousands of people?”

“That’s not—”

“Because he wanted to protect you, the person he cherishes most, from the things that have surely made his life a living hell?”

Adam felt the blood drain from his face. “You really think that’s what it was?”

Brad rolled his eyes. “Don’t be a dumbass, Adam. Of course. Didn’t he tell you that?”

“He said he wanted us to be a secret, so—”

“So that he could move as slowly as he needed, so that maybe he could adjust to his new feelings before the whole world tried to rip you apart, so that maybe he could keep you to himself just a little longer.” Brad crossed his arms over his bare chest and rolled his eyes again. “You really are a moron, you know that? I know what you’ve been looking for all these years, Adam. I know you thought you’d found it in me and how hard you took it when you realized you were wrong. But you know it’s Dan. Dan knows it’s Dan. Hell, _I know_ it’s Dan. So don’t throw it away just because he didn’t respond to it the way you did. Give the kid a break. He’s just trying to make sure he won’t fuck it up, because he knows you’re important. He knows you’re that god damned important. I’m telling you, Adam, the kid gets it. He may even get it more than you do.”

Adam shook his head as if denying a thousand accusations. “I don’t understand. Why are you on his side?”

Brad groaned. “I can’t believe I ever thought you were intelligent. I’m not on his side, you idiot, I’m on yours.”

“Mine?”

Brad took a step closer to Adam, close enough to allow himself to touch Adam’s face with his fingertips. “You won’t be happy without him, love. And I may hate myself later for saying this, but you really need to give that boy another chance.”

Adam moved his face to the side, kissing Brad’s fingertips sweetly. “You love me that much?”

“Enough to give you away to a cute Englishman?” Brad shrugged, and a wicked little light sparked in his sad eyes. “I suppose I do.”

Then Adam’s left brow shot up in a high arch. “Wait a minute…did you arrange it so that Dan walked in on us the other night?”

Brad had the good sense to at least try to look sheepish. His attempt failed. He leaned forward and kissed Adam squarely on the mouth. “Sometimes jealousy is just the little kick someone needs to leave the closet.”

Adam laughed and kissed him back. “That’s why I love you.”

Brad wrapped his arms around Adam’s long body and squeezed. “Let’s go watch Ellen. It’s quite the interview.”

“Did she cry?”

“Like a proud mama.”

            As it turned out, so did Brad. While his ex sniffled and clutched at a tissue, lips trembling, Adam watched Dan do just about the bravest thing he’d ever seen. Adam took in each and every word from Dan’s mouth, noting its importance, its meaning to his life, and by the time the interview reached the close, Adam felt like his heart was going to burst.

            _“I don’t know. And I don’t know that even if he sees this, it will do any good. I’m probably too late. But I hope he hears it. He needs to know I’m proud of how I feel for him, and that I’m shouting it from the rooftops.”_

“I hear you,” Adam said to Dan on the screen, and then he turned to Brad. “I think I need to go.”

            Brad nodded. “Good luck. And, uh…I’m always here, you know. If it doesn’t work out…”

            Adam leaned forward and kissed Brad on the cheek. “I know.”

            “But it will work out, you know that?”

            Adam’s heart skipped at the sincerity and determination in Brad’s voice. He pulled back and looked his ex in the eye. “God, I hope you’re right.”

            Brad smiled. “He’s your _love_ , honey. It has to. Just don’t expect it to be easy.”

            Adam absorbed those words and let them settle deep inside his chest, letting them fill him with hope and strength for what would surely be a long journey ahead. With one last kiss on Brad’s lips, he made his way out the door.

            It was nearly midnight when Adam made it to Dan’s apartment. As he rounded the block, his heart sank deep into his stomach where it fluttered sickeningly. The front of the building was literally surrounded by twenty or so paparazzi. They were talking together, cameras poised in their hands at the ready, sipping from large Styrofoam cups of coffee. From where he stood, he could tell that all of the doors were blocked by the god damned vultures.

            “Just face it, Lambert. You asked for it,” Adam mumbled to himself.

            He began to walk forward, keeping his head down. As soon as he was within their sights, the crowd surged toward him.

            “Are you Daniel Radcliffe’s lover?”

            “Can you tell us your name?”

            “Have you come to forgive him?”

            “Is it true that you’ve been his lover since he was fifteen?”

            “Did Lorenzo Pisoni really text you to tell you to stay away from him?”

            Adam pushed through, ignoring the questions even though they felt like lashes of a whip as he passed. The cameras kept going off, and he did his best to block his eyes, still, after a minute he was seeing spots.

            “I told you people that if you don’t leave my tenants alone, I’m going to call the LAPD!” A booming voice yelled through the din. Adam looked up into the wrinkled face of a tall man in uniform. The man put a hand on Adam’s shoulder and began to lead him easily to the doors, as if he were Moses parting the Red Sea. “This man lives here. You ought to be ashamed of yourselves, attacking him like this. You’re all the scum of the earth.”

            A glass door snapped shut behind them and Adam and the uniformed man were alone in the lobby, safely behind a locked door. The crowd’s screams of complaint reached them, muffled and low. Adam looked up at him with an expression of pure gratefulness. “Thank you.”

            “No problem. Dan asked me to keep a look out for three people. You’re on that little list.”

            Adam wanted to ask who the other two were, but thought better of it. He smiled at the other man. “I’m Adam.”

            “I know. You look just like the picture Dan’s publicist gave me.” The man smiled again and stuck out his hand to shake Adam’s. “I’m Henry. The doorman.”

            Adam should have known. He shook the man’s hand eagerly. “Nice to meet you. Thanks again. I don’t know what I would have done without your help.”

            “Yeah, imagine going through that every day of your life since you were eleven,” Henry said, and gave Adam a long, significant look.

            Adam nodded at what Henry had implied. “How come I’ve never seen you before?”

            Henry shrugged and began to walk away. “You would have seen me if Dan didn’t want you here. Sounds like you’re a lucky son of a bitch.”

            “I am,” Adam said, more to himself than anything, as Henry had disappeared again. He took a deep breath, boarded the elevator, and took it to the top floor. Dan’s door was unlocked, and the apartment was almost completely dark. Only a soft, yellow light shone weakly from the direction of Dan’s bedroom. Adam slipped off his shoes and padded as quietly as he could into the bedroom.

            The small lamp on Dan’s bedside table was the source of the light, and it made a hazy nimbus over the floor, the headboard, and a small portion of the bed. Dan lay in the center of the bed, face down on the white down comforter, his forehead resting on his arm. A pen was in his other hand, poised as if to write in the notebook that lay opened beneath it, though his slow breathing and stillness told Adam he was deep asleep. He wore nothing but those damnable boxer briefs, navy blue dark against his pale English skin. Adam smiled at the curve of Dan’s spine as it dipped from his shoulders into his lower black, finally trailing underneath the waist that read Ralph Lauren; he longed to trace that path with his fingertips, with his lips, with his tongue. To follow the curve and swell of his perfect bottom down to his stretched out, smooth legs, to kiss each toe that hung off the edge of the bed.

            Instead, he stayed motionless for a handful of precious moments, watching Dan’s back and shoulders move ever so slightly with his breath. There were notebooks and journals and composition books everywhere, Adam finally noticed. Dan seemed to be sleeping on top of a few, and even more were scattered on the bed and on the floor.

            Adam had to force himself to move slowly. He lowered himself onto the bed with as much control as he could – a knee first, then a hand, bracing himself against the mattress until his body could weightlessly rest next to Dan’s. He lied on his left side, looking at the back of Dan’s head, and he reached out to touch his hair softly. It was full and thick, almost coarse to his touch.

   

            Dan made a funny little sound and turned his face toward Adam’s, a smile ghosting over his lips. Adam couldn’t stop himself from stealing one small kiss from that sensuous mouth. Dan didn’t open his eyes, but his smile deepened, and he hummed.

            “You really should lock your door. It’s crazy outside.”

            Dan leaned his head into Adam’s hand. “It’s safe in here.”

            Adam kissed Dan’s lips again, lingering for a moment, tasting his breath.

            “You’re really here? It’s not a dream?”

            Adam smiled at the question. Dan still hadn’t opened his eyes, as if he was afraid Adam might disappear if he did. “I’m really here.”

            “You’re not going to leave again?”

            “No,” Adam answered, his voice hitching in his throat. “I’m here as long as you want me here.”

            Dan opened his eyes then, and reached out, touching Adam’s face the way Adam was touching his. “You saw Ellen?”

            Adam nodded. “I did.”

            Dan bit his lip. “I am so sorry, Adam. If I’d just been braver, more trusting in you, it wouldn’t have had to be like that. I’m just so clumsy. I’ve never felt this way before, and I don’t know what to do. I’m making a mess of things.”

            “Shh,” Adam shushed, and he kissed Dan firmly on the mouth. “Don’t apologize to me. You don’t need to. I’m the one who made a mess.”

            “No, you didn’t.”

            “I did. I really screwed up, Dan. I didn’t understand.” Adam shook his head a little. “I thought that you didn’t want to tell people about how you felt because you didn’t care enough. I didn’t realize until it was almost too late that you wanted to protect me. Protect us.”

            Dan hummed again, closing his eyes. Adam wondered if he was falling back asleep, but then Dan opened them again and smiled. “Yes. Protect you. Keep you as close as I can. Keep you sacred…” His eyes fluttered shut again, and then suddenly snapped opened. “I need to write that down.”

            Adam watched as Dan propped himself up and scribbled in the open notebook by his hand as if he’d never paused to sleep.

            “Dan, how long has it been since you’ve slept?”

            Dan turned to him, pouting a little. His eyes were puffy; large, dark circles marred the skin underneath them. “I was just sleeping.”

            “You know what I mean.”

            Dan shrugged and turned back to his notebook, his pen flying. “Can’t sleep. Have to keep writing.”

            “Dan…” Adam reached out and stilled the hand that made the curls and lines in the notebook.

            Dan looked at Adam, a little sad, a little ashamed of himself. “I’ve had so much to say, Adam, and I couldn’t really say it. And every time I think I might sleep, I think of something else to say, to write. And I can’t stop. It needs to come out. I need to get rid of it. You understand that, don’t you?”

            Adam nodded. It was the way he felt about music. “Yes, but…you’re so exhausted.”

            “I’ll sleep when I’m ready.” Dan went back to scribbling for a moment as Adam looked on, and then he shut the notebook and rolled over onto his side, cupping Adam’s face in his hands again. “I’m so glad you’re here. I wasn’t sure if you’d come. I thought maybe it was too late.”

            “We’re going to be alright, Dan. I know it. I trust that. You and I, we’re meant to be—”

            Adam was silenced by Dan’s index finger on his lips. “Don’t say it. Let’s not say the words. No pressure, no expectations. Just us. You, me, and this journey we’re on.”

            Adam nodded, smiling, and kissed the finger on his mouth. “I’ve made this so much harder than it had to be.”

            Dan chuckled slightly. “I’ve made it hard on myself, Adam.”

            Adam let his eyes wander to the glass wall that faced the street. “But now you have all these people chasing you, prying into your life.”

            “That’s normal for me.” Adam looked at Dan sharply, and the younger boy was smiling brightly.

            “You know what I mean. I’m sorry. This is going to be so difficult for you.”

            “Stop beating yourself up, Adam.” Dan leaned his head back down on the mattress and sighed as Adam’s fingers caressed his cheeks and chin. “You’re here now. The rest will take care of itself.”

            As Dan’s lids closed heavily over his eyes again, Adam smiled and moved closer. A spiral of metal pressed into his thigh. He reached down and pulled, removing the offending notebook. The pages fanned out, Dan’s neat script flowed from left to right, top to bottom on each page, making the notebook look black and blue inside. “This is the only thing you’ve got left.”

            “Hmnn?” Dan mumbled. His breathing was getting heavy and slow again.

            “The only secret you have, the only thing unshared,” Adam provided in answer.

            Dan opened his eyes and reached out, touching the edges of the notebook in Adam’s hands. “No. Not anymore. That’s yours too. All of it. All the inane ramblings of a movie star that you can take.”

            “A soul laid bare?”

            Dan smiled at Adam. “A soul laid bare. Take them. They’re yours.”

            Adam stared at the notebook, fingering the spiral coil. He knew what the gift meant. It meant there were no secrets now; it meant every part of Dan was his. It meant there was nothing Dan wouldn’t give.

            “I’m in love with you too, Dan.”

            Dan opened his eyes again, their big blue irises alight with mischief. “What have we gotten ourselves into?”

            Adam watched as Dan drifted once more toward dreamland. He looked down at Dan’s expanding and deflating chest, over the indents of his ribs and the tiny, muscled stomach. He was too skinny, but still so fucking beautiful, so fucking perfect. “Have you eaten anything today?”

            Dan shrugged but didn’t open his eyes. “I don’t think so.”

            “Let me get you something.”

            Dan’s hand closed over Adam’s wrist. “Don’t. I need to sleep now, Adam. I _can_ sleep now. I’ve said what I needed to say. Just let me sleep.” Dan moved closer to Adam, fitting his head under his chin. “Stay here…” Adam wrapped his arms around him. “Hold me…just let me sleep for a while…” Dan’s legs folded up, and Adam snaked his around Dan’s.

            “Not just yet…” Adam murmured, and brought his mouth to Dan’s. Dan’s lips were so soft, so giving. “Need to kiss you more…”

            Dan complied, parting his lips to let Adam in. Adam’s tongue dipped in, the tip of it teasing over Dan’s. He wanted to pull Dan closer, to feel his hard body trembling against his, but it wasn’t that kind of kiss. With one last light swirl of his tongue, Adam drew away and smiled at Dan, whose eyes were at half mast. Adam laughed softly. “Now you can sleep.”

            Dan didn’t need to be told twice, and soon his body was limp and heavy in Adam’s arms. Adam drifted off lightly as well, and when the sound of a far away siren woke him, he turned to look at the clock on the bedside table. 1:47am. Dan gave a whimper of protest when Adam untangled himself from him, but was soon back to light snoring and deep breathing.

            Adam walked to the glass wall and looked down at the street below. There were still a few persistent photographers out there, camping out in order to get the best shot of one of them leaving in the morning, or in the middle of the night, as if either of them would do some sort of Walk of Shame.

            He turned his gaze back to the bed and something inside his chest swelled at the sight of Dan sleeping. They’d fallen asleep on top of all his notebooks, and quietly, Adam began to gather them up until he had a small pile. He sat in the armchair in the corner of the room, draping his legs over the side, and began to flip through them at random. The light wasn’t good for reading, but his interest and determination was stronger than his fear of straining his eyes. He selected an artsy looking journal, one with a leather cover that had some sort of Celtic knot etched onto the front, and opened it. From word one, Adam knew: Dan was a gifted actor, but he was a _brilliant_ poet.

 _He's the beautifullest  
Fragilest  
Still strong  
Dark and divine  
And the littleness of his movements  
Hides himself  
He invents a charm that makes him invisible  
Hides in the air  
Can I hide there too?  
Hide in the air of him  
Seek solace  
Sanctuary…_

Adam almost shut the journal. It was too private, too personal, and he felt like the world’s biggest jerk for reading it. In stark contrast to that, his curiosity had him turning the page. Dan had told him to read it, after all. His eyes settled on a verse at the top of the page, written in the corner with vines drawn around it.

 

 _The stillness in your eyes  
Convinces me that  
I don’t know a thing  
And I’ve been around the world and I’ve tasted all the wines  
A half a billion times  
Came sickened to your shores  
You show me what this life is for_

Adam felt his breath leave him at that. He turned the page back, looking for a date, any indication that this line was recent, and then he shook his head at himself. It was vain to think the whole notebook could be about him. Adam dropped that one to the floor and picked up another from the top of the stack. He opened it to the middle and read the first thing that jumped out at him.

 

 _I am covered in skin  
No one gets to come in  
Pull me out from inside  
I am folded and unfolded and unfolding_  
 _Pull me out from inside  
I am ready, I am ready, I am ready_  
 _I am fine_

 

Goosebumps erupted over his skin as he read the words. That one had to be about him, he was certain of it. Again, it had no date to confirm this. He wished he could find a pattern, a rhythm to the order of it all. Perhaps if he tried another…

Adam pulled out a composition book from the bottom of the stack. Like any you might find at the local pharmacy, it was bound with black cloth and had a black and white marbled cover. He thumbed through it, finally deciding to read one that was written in large, block letters, taking up a whole page by itself. It was so unlike the others, which were crammed this way and that all over the pages, making Adam wonder why it would merit such treatment. By the time he’d read the second line, he thought maybe he knew.

 

 _I don't know you  
But I want you  
All the more for that  
Words fall through me  
And always fool me  
And I can't react  
And games that never amount  
To more than they're meant  
Will play themselves out  
Take this sinking boat and point it home  
We've still got time  
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice  
You'll make it now_

 

            Adam closed his eyes and read the imprint of the words on the inside of his eyelids. He savored them, tried to memorize them, tried to breathe them in. Then Dan murmured something in his sleep, and Adam was drawn from the reverie. He smiled to himself and stood, walking to the bed without taking his eyes off the sleeping man in it. He bent, kissed Dan on the cheek, and ran a hand lightly down his back. Dan sighed and burrowed into the mattress. Adam sat back down in his chair and opened the journal again, losing himself in Dan’s words until the sounds of L.A. waking up told him it was morning.

 

            *

 

            “Adam?”

            Adam heard the note of panic in Dan’s searching voice and couldn’t help but feel a little moved by it. “Kitchen!”

            When Dan stumbled into the kitchen, his small body heavy with sleep, he found Adam on a stool at the counter, hunched over a giant bowl of Fruit Loops, a journal opened next to it. Dan rubbed his eyes and smiled. “Good morning.”

            Adam and Dan’s eyes met, and Adam felt his stomach do a little somersault. “Morning. I, uh, helped myself.” Adam motioned to the cereal.

            Dan smiled. “Good. I’ll…I’ll be right back.”

            Dan disappeared into the bathroom. Adam pulled the journal closer and continued to read as the sounds of Dan’s morning routine provided a harmonic background. Dan emerged a few minutes later, teeth brushed, hair combed, and face clean. Adam turned a smile toward him as he entered the kitchen. “Better?”

            “Much.” Dan leaned on the corner of the counter. The nearness of him, combined with the fact that he was still only in boxer briefs, had Adam’s pulse skipping along like a kid at Disneyworld. He couldn’t help but breathe in Dan’s clean scent when he leaned to read his own words sideways. “Have you been reading all night?”

            Adam nodded. Dan took a long, slow breath and cringed.

            “I want to ask what you think, but I’m not sure I want to hear the answer.”

            Adam shut the journal and pulled it toward himself. “Dan… People like you make me feel completely inadequate. Honestly. I can dress up or sing a song, but I’m only mimicking what someone else has done before. I reinterpret, I reinvent, I polish. But I don’t create. You…you are an artist. You create something new, something original. Whether it’s a character or poetry, you are doing something that no one else has done before, and…you’re doing it so fucking well. I’ve never been able to so much as write a decent song and you have _volumes_ of outstanding poetry just sitting around your apartment.”

            Dan thought for a minute that he might not be able to breathe again after Adam’s compliment, but he somehow was able to speak. “You create too, Adam. Eve was a creation, so are the many different characters you do in the Zodiac Show.”

            Adam shook his head. “They’re all just a collage of other things.”

            Dan reached out and laid a hand on Adam’s chest. “Things from inside you. Bringing those things out, expressing them, is what artistry is all about. That’s why I know you’d be a fantastic actor, because of the way you draw things out from within when you sing.”

            “It’s not the same. I’m not like you, Dan. I’m not shy about expressing myself, but I don’t have what it takes to be an actor.”

            Dan nibbled the corner of his mouth, his eyes darkening with sadness. “You aren’t going to do this film, are you?”

            Adam ran his hand up and down Dan’s forearm, trying to comfort him. “I can’t. You’ll find someone who will be fantastic, better than I could even dream of being, and the film is going to be great. Besides, I think we’re going to be busy enough trying to figure us out without throwing some characters and a movie shoot into the mix. Scott and Matt are close to us, maybe too close, and we need to concentrate on reality. Don’t you think?”

            “I suppose.” Dan smiled sadly at Adam. “This film isn’t going to happen without you, Adam.”

            Adam’s blinked. “Colin’s serious about that?”

            Dan nodded and took his arm out of Adam’s grasp a bit more forcefully than he meant to. “Very. He won’t do it without you. And without him, the studio won’t be willing to take the risk.”

            Adam heart sank. “I’m sorry, Dan. I just don’t think I can do it. And I don’t think it would be a good idea for us right now. What do you think?”

            “I think,” Dan said, blowing out a breath, “that if you don’t think you can, and you don’t think we can handle this, you’re probably right.”

            “Dan…” Adam started and reached for Dan, but Dan leaned back, avoiding the touch.

            “It’s okay. Really. There will be other great roles for me.” Dan’s tone didn’t convince Adam in the slightest. “I guess I’ve just been buying into Colin’s bullshit about the journey.”

            “Journey?” Adam asked, lifting a brow. He wished Dan would move closer, that maybe his expression didn’t make him look like a lost little puppy.

            Dan chuckled a bit. “Yeah. He believes that you and I are on this spiritual journey together, through life, and that we can use it for the film and the film is part of it and all this rubbish. And I guess I sorta bought into it, and I thought…maybe…once we were together…I don’t know. It’s bollocks.”

            Dan looked at Adam, whose face had the widest, goofiest grin he’d ever seen on it. “What?”

            Adam laughed. “You sounded extremely British just then. It was kind of adorable.”

            “The British thing does it for you, eh mate?” Dan asked cheekily, his accent thicker than ever.

            Adam laughed and wrapped his arms around Dan’s waist, spreading his palms out so that he could touch as much skin as possible, and pulled the boy flush against him before crushing his lips against Dan’s.

            Dan, Adam decided, was absolutely fucking edible. His slick little tongue darted into Adam’s mouth, exploring every crevice, and Adam licked back. Lips separated for just a moment, and it was just tongue on tongue. Then Dan moaned, and their mouths were locked together again, unforgiving and crushing. Dan’s body was tight against Adam’s, his hand was fisting Adam’s hair, Adam’s hands slid down over Dan’s ass. Dan pressed himself further into Adam, and then a sound like thunder rumbled between them.

            Adam pulled back. “Hungry?”

Dan’s face was bright red. He winced. “Maybe a little.”

“You need to eat,” Adam said with a giggle. Then he sobered dramatically and raised an eyebrow. “And you need to keep your strength up…”

The suggestive purr in Adam’s voice sent a shiver up Dan’s spine that seemed to nest in the nape of his neck. He said nothing back to Adam but watched out of the corner of his eye as he plucked two cereal boxes from off the top of the refrigerator. He saw Adam take in the subtle arch of his back, the muscles of his legs as he stood on his tiptoes, the soft skin of his stomach, and when he set the boxes on the counter and moved to get a bowl off the shelf, Adam dragged his eyes back to the journal reluctantly.

Smiling to himself, Dan poured himself a bowl of cereal that was half Apple Jacks and half Lucky Charms, added milk, and sat across from Adam. Adam smiled, his eyes not leaving the journal. “You have an interesting way of eating cereal.”

“The marshmallows bring out the tartness of the apples,” Dan said soberly. Adam’s eyes slid to his then, his expression incredulous.

“You’re not joking, are you?”

“I am a cereal aficionada.”

“Apparently.”

“Don’t mock me. I take my cereals very seriously.” Dan reached over, picked up the box of Lucky Charms and dumped some in Adam’s bowl. “Trust me.”

Adam gave Dan a suspicious look but raised a spoon with Fruit Loops and Lucky Charms to his mouth. He chewed slowly and swallowed. “God damn. You’re right.”

“Told you.” Dan scooped another spoonful into his mouth and crunched. After swallowing, he smiled at Adam. “You need to trust me. I have great instincts. Especially when it comes to cereal and acting.”

Adam’s face fell. “Dan…are you going to be okay with me not doing the movie?”

Dan shrugged and swallowed more cereal. “I’m okay with it. I’m just not sure I can be okay with _me_ not doing it. I just need time to get over it. I was really looking forward to digging into this role, and I felt like I was beginning to understand Matthew.”

Adam said nothing. He kept his mouth shut, too afraid that if he spoke he would tell Dan that he’d do the movie, simply to get him smiling.

“Are the bloody paps still out there?”

Adam glanced toward the glass wall automatically. “They’ve been gathering steadily since about five a.m. It’s a little creepy to watch. No, it’s more than a little creepy. It’s fucking insane. How the hell do you deal with this?”

Dan stood and went to the window, peering down on the amassing crowd below. After a moment he turned around, his deep blue eyes meeting Adam’s across the room, causing a little spark. Adam felt as though if he reached out, he might be able to touch the connection between them. “It takes time to learn, and I don’t know anyone who’s completely comfortable with it. It’s always an invasion to me; it always feels like an assault. Are you sure you want to deal with this?”

Dan’s lithe silhouette against the light of the windows answered that question for Adam. “You’re worth it.”

Dan pursed his lips. “You don’t even know that yet.”

Adam laughed. “Yes, I do.”

Dan flushed and turned away, taking another moment to look out on the street below. “I have to get to the studio today for a meeting. Excuse me while I make a phone call.”

Dan ducked into his bedroom, and a few seconds later, his voice drifted into Adam’s ears. “Hi Andrea, it’s Dan. I think I’m going to need Tyson today. Yeah, it’s a mess…right outside. I don’t know how they fucking found my apartment, must have followed me home…yeah, he’s here with me…no, my mother didn’t quite flip exactly…I know, I know. I need to leave around eleven. Great. Thanks. See him then.”

When Dan entered the room again, Adam cocked his head. “What about your mother? Sorry, eavesdropped…”

Dan grinned. “She called after reading that her son loves a boy on the internet.”

“Oh no…”

Dan laughed loudly. “Yeah. She and Dad were only upset that I didn’t tell them first. Otherwise they’re supportive. They want to meet you.”

It was as if Adam’s insides melted like butter at that. “And you have a bodyguard or something?”

Dan nodded, smiling. “Tyson. Used to be a prison guard. He’s fantastic. Huge. Discreet. Trained in all sorts of martial arts. Brilliant with a gun.”

“Only a lowly prison guard? Why didn’t you get an ex-Secret Service agent?”

“They’re surprisingly hard to get. A bunch of government red tape there.” Dan looked at Adam, who was smirking. “You were mocking me.”

“Yes, I was.”

“You bastard.”

Adam laughed. “Why do you need a bodyguard when you can go out in disguise and still have some freedom?”

Dan’s pretty, neatly waxed brows came together. “Disguise?”

“Yeah, Maggie,” Adam said as if it was obvious.

Dan’s eyes lit up. “You’re brilliant, Adam. If I go out as Maggie, not only can I sneak past the photographers, I might even convince Colin to do this movie without you. If he sees how fantastic I look in drag, how could he resist?”

Adam agreed as enthusiastically as he could, though something chilly settled in his chest. “Good idea.”

“Just bloody brilliant,” Dan murmured and then pressed his lips to Adam’s. “I’m going to get showered up, then.”

“Not so fast.”

At the sternness in Adam’s voice, Dan stopped his exit and straightened his back. A shadow of fear flickered over his face.

Adam gave Dan a sultry look. “There are a few things I need from you first.”

Dan swallowed. “Sure.”

Adam lifted the journal on the counter and pointed to it. “I need to know, because I’m a vain and also paranoid person. Which of these poems are about me?”

Dan’s expression didn’t change. “You mean you can’t tell?”

“I wouldn’t presume…”

Dan swallowed again. “They’re all about you, Adam.”

Adam looked at the journal, which he set gingerly back on the counter as if it would fall apart. “And the other journals? I don’t know anything about you, Dan. I realized that as I was reading these. I’m in love with someone I don’t know at all. It scares me a bit. I don’t want to be nosy, but I also want to know every fucking detail of your life, including the stuff I really don’t want to hear.”

Nothing about what Adam said seemed to bother Dan. He didn’t so much as blink. “All of the journals. The notebooks. The composition books. They’re all about you.”

Adam’s heart dove into his stomach. “ _All of them_?”

“All of them.” Dan jerked his shoulder a bit. “Well, to be fair, the plain blue spiral notebook was the one I brought from London. It already had a few poems in it. And some of them are written in Matt’s voice, not mine, just as character study. But they’re the same gist, because he felt about Scott the way I feel about you, so…”

“Dan, there have to be over a dozen notebooks here.”

“Yeah.”

Adam shut his eyes and desperately tried to comprehend. “About me.”

“Yeah. I told you, I just couldn’t stop writing. That’s why I didn’t sleep or eat. It wasn’t like I was suicidal or anything,” Dan said, rushing to explain himself. “It was just this rush…like the words took me hostage…you know, how Handel composed _The Messiah,_ or the way Tchaikovsky locked himself in that flat with his lover until they completed the violin concerto…”

Adam at least understood those references, even if he’d never had the same experience. He nodded. “I see.”

“You just…you do something to me, Adam. Something no one else has done. It’s like you make it possible for me to find my voice, in so many ways.”

Adam felt his eyes fill with tears and he looked down at the journal, flipping it open to a page he’d dog-eared. He started to read out loud.

 

 _“Slowly now  
We shouldn't let this go too fast  
Bring me out of this shell  
Take off my mask  
This is us intertwined and on fire  
I cannot stop  
I'm consumed with desire  
Love, I am at the point of no restraint  
Let's just make a move and feel the earth quake.”_

 

Adam looked at Dan. He seemed to be having as much trouble breathing as Adam was. “If this is really about me…”

“All of them are.”

Adam nodded and licked his lips, staring at Dan’s bowed mouth. “I’ve been so scared to touch you like I want to touch you. I’m afraid I’ll spook you. I don’t want to go too fast. I don’t want you to feel like you need to hide. But if these words are about me…”

 “I want you to touch me, Adam. So badly that I ache.”

Adam stood and gathered Dan in his arms, nearly bending him backwards so that he could look down in his face. “You’re sure?”

“Try me.”

Dan met Adam halfway, their lips colliding somewhere in the air between them, pressing hard into each other. It was frantic. Greedy. Both bodies struggling against each other for a better hold, for more contact, more skin and heat and friction and electricity. Both minds repeating only one thing: more, more, more, more…

Adam was the first to abandon any pretense of control. He lifted Dan off the floor effortlessly, not even breaking the kiss as he supported Dan’s full weight. Dan wrapped his legs around Adam’s waist and let himself be taken, carried, and then laid none too gently on his bed. Adam’s body covered his, settling between his legs as his tongue slid between Dan’s lips. Dan lifted his hips, pressing himself up into Adam, and was met with the delicious yet foreign feel of something hard and long – very long – against his thigh. Dan moaned and Adam swallowed it up, moaning too.

Adam’s hands raced over his torso, his palms pressing hard into the muscles of his chest, his nails raking over his stomach. Pain and pleasure in perfect union. Dan’s body rose up and stretched itself out, telling Adam in the most transparent way that he needed more. Adam gave him what he asked for. His tongue dipped underneath Dan’s collarbone, his mouth closed over one nipple and then the other, his hands moved downward. Dan gasped loudly when one of those rogue hands reached beneath the waistband of his briefs.

Adam pulled back. “Is this okay?”

“Jesus, Adam. Just touch me. Please.”

Dan felt his voice break and shatter along with all sense of pride as he begged. Adam met his eyes for just a moment and nodded, and then it was as if Adam had eight hands. He was sliding his briefs off of him, touching his stomach, touching his chest, his neck, his thighs and then finally, _finally_ , one of those magical hands wrapped around his cock.

Dan arched up in a silent scream. Adam swallowed it, licking all evidence of it from the roof of his mouth and the tip of his tongue.

Adam drew away and studied Dan’s dazed expression as he dragged his fist up and down Dan’s shaft, root to tip. “What do you want, Dan?”

The possibilities were endless. He wanted to taste and be tasted, to touch and to be touched, to fuck and to be fucked. He wanted to lose himself in Adam’s body, in this too small bed, in the lust and need and love he saw mingling in Adam’s sea-colored eyes. He wanted Adam to keep touching him and never stop. _Never stop…_

“I don’t know,” Dan answered. His voice sounded frail, almost strangled, as if the pleasure coursing through him weakened not just his will and his logic but his body as well. It wasn’t a real answer, but it wasn’t quite a lie. He knew what he wanted, but none of his secret moments with Spencer or Lorenzo had prepared him for this. They were tame in comparison. Dan didn’t know how to put his want into words, how to ask for the things he’d only dreamed about. Instead he leaned up and ran his tongue along Adam’s thick bottom lip. “Show me what you want. What I should want.”

            Adam hummed then, and gave a little flick of his wrist that had Dan babbling in a strange language. Dan shut his eyes for a moment, willing his mind to go on an excursion to some place ugly and uncomfortable so that his body wouldn’t reach the peak so quickly, and when he opened his eyes again, Adam was staring at him with a wicked smile on his face.

            “The first time I saw you naked, I didn’t get to enjoy it. I was sharing you with a couple thousand people,” Adam said, his hand still moving, his grip getting just a touch stronger with each stroke. “And now that I’ve got you here, naked all for me, all I can think about is how this pale English skin would look and feel against mine…”

            Dan wasn’t sure if he could agree. If it meant that Adam had to stop touching him, even for a second, that wasn’t what he wanted. But he had to admit that Adam had his interest. He was at a disadvantage in that he’d never seen Adam naked. Goodness knows he’d fantasized about that long body, his lean muscles, and the pattern of freckles across his chest more than enough to make up for it, but he wanted to know what lay beneath the leather and fashion. And the thought of all that bare skin, not even air between them…

            Dan leaned up, causing Adam to move backwards with him and to let go. Dan made a small sound of protest that made Adam grin, but Dan quickly erased that little show of arrogance by pulling Adam’s t-shirt off of him and setting to work on the button of his jeans. Adam stretched out on the bed and lifted his hips as Dan peeled the tight denim slowly down his legs. _My god, his legs…_

            Dan had seen them before, underneath hose or fishnets, even a glimpse while Adam had dangled them into the bathtub. But never in their entirety. God they were long, slender, _shapely…_ the kind of legs models would envy, that dancers would work for. And they were pale, dotted with cinnamon freckles, and completely smooth. Dan wanted them wrapped around his waist, dangling over his shoulders, and clamped tight around his head. Dan let his eyes wander up, carefully avoiding the area between those gorgeous legs, because he wasn’t quite ready for _that_ yet, and up Adam’s stomach and chest. He was lean. Defined. A body built not by weight lifting but by dancing and yoga. A smattering of freckles dotted every inch of him, even around his pink little nipples and the dip of his belly button. And just underneath that dip was a thin, sparse path of fine, strawberry blond hair that led downward…downward…

            “I’m actually a redhead,” Adam said, a laugh hiding in his voice as Dan’s eyes came to rest on the light colored hair between Adam’s legs. And Dan was thankful that Adam had stopped touching him, or he would have come instantly at the sight of the thick cock that grew long and hard from that nest of hair and rested so innocently on Adam’s stomach. Innocently. As if it wasn’t begging to be fisted and sucked. As if wouldn’t hurt him at all, should Adam decide to flip him over and fuck him into tomorrow. _Oh my god…_

            Adam somehow read the mix of fear and hunger in Dan’s eyes and reached out to cup Dan’s jaw with his hand. “Are you okay?”

            “Yeah,” Dan answered, though his voice was a little shaky. His eyes darted down to Adam’s lap before he could help himself, and he felt his face flush. “Just got a little nervous for a second. I’ve, um…I guess this is really the first time I’ve seen you…and I’ve never been, you know…naked with a man before…”

            Adam’s eyes roamed over his own body and he looked back up at Dan slyly. “Not what you pictured?”

            “Better. It’s everything I want.” Dan propped himself over Adam’s body and lowered his mouth to his. “ _You_ are everything I want. I just want so much that I’m unfamiliar with.”

            Adam took one of Dan’s hands in his and placed it between their bodies. Adam molded Dan’s fingers around something thick and firm, and Dan sucked in a breath when he realized what he was holding.

            Adam smiled at him patiently. “A good place to start is what you like yourself. Then we can start figuring out where we’re different.”

            Dan took a deep breath and nodded; Adam’s understanding was helping him to relax. He lowered himself onto the mattress, his body flush against Adam’s. Slowly, tentatively, he began to move his hand in long strokes, keeping his eyes on Adam’s face. It was different from this angle. The motion wasn’t quite as practiced and smooth, the size was almost embarrassingly foreign, and he found he was unsure about the pressure he was applying. But Adam’s head fell back against the mattress and he groaned softly, and Dan, emboldened, gripped him tighter.

            Adam cursed, a sound that emanated from deep within his chest and vibrated down his torso to where his body touched Dan’s. Dan felt his erection twitch at the sensation and he realized with sudden shock just how intensely turned on he was, just by the reaction he was getting from Adam. 

            “Need…” Dan whispered and he leaned down to claim Adam’s mouth again. The kiss was open-mouthed, breathing in and out each other’s oxygen.

            “Need what?” Adam whispered back, his breath hitching as his lips trailed down Dan’s chin and over his strong jaw.

            “More.”

            “More what?” Adam asked. His voice may have sounded cocky, teasing, but his body was rising, tell-tale, with every stroke of Dan’s hand.

            “Skin. Touching. Tongue. You.” Dan swept his tongue over the lobe of Adam’s ear and the singer’s voice rose up to a satisfying wail. “Adam, I need…tell me what I need…”

            Adam hooked a leg over Dan’s hips and pulled himself over so that they faced each other on their sides. Their bodies fused together, their hips grinding eagerly against each other, their hands feeling skin…so much skin. Two sets of blue eyes stared at each other with drunken need and dazed lust, as if neither man knew what the next step was. As if they’d forgotten that there could be more. They were both losing themselves. Dan was too far gone to be self-conscious; Adam was too absorbed in pleasure to be a teacher. But in a miraculous moment of lucidity, Adam licked his palm and reached between them, grasping both of their cocks in his large hand.

            Dan moaned a word. It might have been fuck. It might have been God. It might have been Adam. All three words were beginning to take on the same meaning in his mind; it hardly mattered. All that mattered was that Adam’s hand was working up and down his shaft, and he could feel the hot, rigid stiffness of Adam’s cock rubbing up against his, and they were both moving their hips against each other and Adam’s tongue was in his mouth, darting in and out with the same torturous rhythm as his hand, like the kiss was sex itself and then my god, one of them screamed.

            It was Adam. And Dan felt something fiery and wet hit his stomach and chest in full droplets. Adam’s body trembled violently and his hand tightened and then Dan was coming too, coating Adam in ribbons of cream. They fell back against the mattress in perfect unison, chests struggling to rise and fall and bring air into their bodies.

            Neither said anything for a few minutes until Adam finally breathed, “Jesus. I’m sorry. I thought I’d be a little more…controlled…”

            “I’m nineteen, remember? I think you’re downright impressive.”

            Adam laughed loudly at that and turned over on his side to look at Dan. Dan moved too and he looked at Adam’s naked body with what he felt were new eyes. He didn’t seem so powerful or threatening or intimidating now. Now it was simply the body of the man he loved; the body that could drive him to incoherency with just a touch. And now that body was marked, covered in the proof of what Adam’s touch could do.

            “You’re a mess. I’m sorry.”

            “Don’t be,” Adam said and Dan felt the bed move just a bit and then _oh my god, Adam’s tongue._

            Dan’s eyes flew open. “What are you doing?” he asked, though the answer was obvious. Adam’s lips and tongue slid over his cock, which was still so sensitive and shit, he was somehow getting hard again.

            Adam hummed, making Dan arch a bit. “I love nineteen year olds.” Dan shot him a look that wasn’t at all stern because Adam swept his tongue over the head, licking him clean. “You taste so good.”

            Dan’s eyes went wide, but they were trained on what Adam was doing and didn’t move. “I do?”

            “You’ve never tried it?” Adam paused to look at him curiously.

            Dan shook his head.

            “Afraid it would make you gay?” Adam smirked and then took all of Dan into his mouth, curling his tongue around Dan’s only half-erect cock.

            “Fuck,” Dan hissed, but didn’t get any more opportunities to enjoy Adam’s mouth on him. The singer sat back on his knees and trailed his index finger down his chest, collecting a few drops of Dan’s come. With his other hand he reached behind Dan’s neck, pulled him up so that their faces were inches apart, and then licked his finger slowly.

            “You really should try it,” Adam said, and then brought his full mouth to Dan’s.

            Dan’s tongue rubbed against Adam’s and he tasted his own seed for the first time. It was salty, a touch bitter, but Christ it was good. It was like tasting pleasure itself. Dan licked at Adam’s mouth greedily, and Adam laughed in response. Adam leaned back and drew Dan’s face down to his chest. Dan lapped at the white streaks there, taking care to let his tongue glide as skillfully as he could muster over Adam’s nipples and collarbone. Then Adam pushed Dan back down on the bed and returned the favor, licking up what he’d shot on Dan’s chest and then kissing Dan deeply.

            “You taste better,” Dan said breathlessly between kisses. “Sweeter.”

            “I think you’re a bit biased,” Adam mumbled against his mouth, and Dan didn’t have time to defend himself because Adam settled his weight on top of Dan and their bodies stretched together and slid, sticky and fluid from what they had not managed to lick up.

            Dan arched up and spread his legs. Adam was hard again too and they were moving together slowly. Adam controlled the kiss, which was wet and sloppy and a bit wild, by taking hold of Dan’s hair with both hands. Using it as leverage, he pressed down into Dan hard, rolling his hips slowly and frustratingly against Dan’s.

            _Jesus, I’m going to come again,_ Dan thought but then Adam pulled away and studied him with a wicked spark in his dazzling eyes.

            “We need to shower or we’re going to be stuck like this all day.”

            Dan practically cried when Adam stopped moving. “Gee, that would be such a hardship.”

            Adam dragged his tongue up the side of Dan’s throat, causing him to sigh. “You could call Colin and tell him we’re going to stay in all day and, what was it? Work on our _journey_...”

            Dan giggled. “He might actually buy that excuse. If you were going to do the film. As it stands, I should probably go shower.”

            Adam pouted. “That’s not fair, tempting me with sex in exchange for the movie.”

            Dan raised a brow. “Would it work?”

            “No.”

            Dan sighed. “Shower it is. And then help me transform into Maggie.”

            “Yes sir,” Adam teased with a mock salute, and let himself be pulled by the hand into Dan’s large shower.

 

            *

 

            Adam was sleeping. The kind of sleeping a person does when they are physically and emotionally exhausted. The kind of sleep that the body and mind savors, like their whole being feels gratitude, as if they’re aware of exactly how much energy they’re replenishing. It was because of this feeling of awareness that Adam realized something in the room had changed, and he lifted his eyelids with a great deal of effort.

            Dan, or rather Maggie, sat sideways in the little chair in the corner. Her legs dangled off the arm, dressed in gorgeous t-strap heels, and her black, silky skirt had ridden up so it was nearly at her hips, revealing the top of her thigh highs, and the garters that held them in place. She cocked her head at him, causing the bobbed wig to shake, and pursed pearly pink lips. The light coming in from the window behind her was weak, but not fading. Adam guessed it was no later than six o’clock.

            “I hope I didn’t wake you,” Dan said in a light voice. He was truly Maggie again. Adam had to wonder how much of it was conscious anymore. “You need your sleep.”

            Sleep was rapidly becoming the last thing on Adam’s mind. As his gaze traveled down Maggie’s body, over the slender waist and rounded bottom and the curve of her calves, Adam began to be hyper aware that the only thing he had on was the flimsy silk pajama bottoms Dan had given him. Secrets were impossible to keep.

            “Since you’re up, though, you should know that Colin was impressed with Maggie. With your work. Which is a good thing because—”

            Neither of them was sure exactly when Adam had moved, but suddenly he was kneeling in front of Dan’s chair and his finger was pressed into Dan’s frosted lips and he quickly replaced it with his own mouth. Dan gave a little squeal but then sunk into the kiss, letting Adam’s thick tongue invade his mouth with all the gentleness of a lion on the hunt. When he pulled away, Adam was wearing half of the pink lipstick himself in smears and stripes outside of his lip line.

            “You look gorgeous,” Adam whispered.

            Dan stared at him, wide-eyed and panting. “Adam, I…”

            “Yes?” Adam asked, smile playing at his lips.

            “I want you,” Dan said as a flush worked its way up his neck. “I’ve wanted you for so long that I’ve become quite impatient about it, and I’m about to start being demanding, and neither of those things are very becoming by British standards so…”

            “Well, I wouldn’t want you to singlehandedly tarnish the reputation of your country, so let’s not waste any more time.” Adam’s eyes glinted with humor. Then he leaned forward and gently took Dan’s bottom lip between his teeth and tugged playfully.

            Adam’s mouth slowly worked its way under his chin to the other side of his neck. Lips, tongue, and teeth ghosted over Dan’s skin and he sighed heavily, letting his head fall back so Adam could take more. He felt his heart pound against his ribs but, thankfully, his hands seemed to be steadier as they snuck under the hem of Adam’s shirt to touch his stomach. A moan vibrated against his throat as his fingers skimmed over taut skin. The sound seemed to break apart any restraint they were still exercising, and they stood, hands all over each other, tearing off clothing, breaking through seams, popping off buttons.

            This, Adam realized, was not the graceful, expertly choreographed undressing that he had imagined over and over again. They bumped into each other, their arms got tangled up, they fought over who would unzip or unbutton what. It was, he knew, the dance done by two lovers who hadn’t found their groove yet, who didn’t know the steps, and who were just learning how to tango with each other. And instead of the realization making him feel disappointed or even inadequate, it made desire surge through him, hot and determined.

            They wrestled until they were standing at the foot of Dan’s big bed, completely naked, Adam’s clothes and the remnants of Maggie’s strewn about the floor. Adam’s eyes roved down Dan’s body, greedily taking in his smooth, high chest, the dip of his stomach beneath his ribs, the curving muscles around his hips. Then he brought his eyes back up to Dan’s, trying to analyze the mix of emotion he saw in their deep blue. It was as if they echoed what he felt – hunger, expectation, and wonder. Adam leaned in and kissed Dan once, softly, on the lips. A claiming kiss, a kiss that said, “You are mine. I love that you are mine.”

            With the kiss their bodies pressed against each other, and they fell back onto the bed. Dan’s legs wrapped around Adam’s body immediately, pulling them closer, and Adam felt a moan tear through his throat. He shoved his tongue inside Dan’s mouth, both wanting to taste all he could and assert his dominance. Dan’s head fell back against the mattress and he let Adam roll him onto his back, his own hands working their way quickly down Adam’s body until stopping to grip the hard length between his thighs.

            Adam’s tongue stopped its work to make way for a breathy cry.

            “Fuck,” Adam mumbled. Dan said nothing in response but lifted his hips, pushing himself against Adam even more, all the while his hands were still moving, stroking and squeezing. “Dan,” Adam said, reaching between their bodies to take hold of Dan’s roving hands. “I need you. I need your mouth. I want to come in your mouth.”

            An argument formed on Dan’s lips. “But…I want you inside me, Adam.”

            “And you’ll have me,” Adam replied, forcing Dan’s hands to his sides. “But we need to go slow. And there is no way in hell I can possibly go slowly with you looking and feeling as good as you do. Make me come, Dan.”

            Dan’s lips curved at that and he looked at Adam through his lashes. Without a word he gently nudged Adam off of him and then took his hands, pulling him until he was sitting on the edge of the bed. Dan knelt between his knees. His eyes flicked up once, flashing hints of newfound confidence and sinfulness, and then he took Adam into his mouth.

            The sound Adam made echoed off the glass walls and the high ceilings, and was more beautiful than even his singing, Dan thought. He hollowed his cheeks and concentrated on taking in all of Adam’s length, pulling back slowly, and taking it all in again. When he felt hot pre-come in the back of his throat, he quickened his pace. Adam’s hands gripped the back of his head and he moved his hips, thrusting himself deep into Dan’s mouth. Dan took it all, and what he couldn’t take he made up for by using his hand. He felt the muscles in Adam’s thighs tighten, felt the hot pulse against his lips jump, and he leaned back, opening his mouth and letting his hand take over completely.

            Adam made a sound of frustration and looked at him almost angrily, but Dan just smiled and stroked, hard, his wrist giving a vicious twist at the head. And when Adam saw Dan’s tongue dart out to lick at the shining pre-come at the tip, he lost all control. He came with a scream and Dan’s lips parted, catching ribbons of come on his tongue like a child catching snowflakes, his eyes never leaving Adam’s.

            Adam screamed again and fell back onto the bed, panting.

            “Good?” Dan asked in a mocking tone as he crawled up beside Adam and propped himself up on an elbow.

            Adam opened one eye and glared at him, somewhat ineffectively, given that he looked completely spent. “That was the sexiest fucking thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”

            “I’ve been watching gay porn to educate myself.”

            Adam raised his head. “Really?”

            “No,” Dan said, laughing. “That came purely from my fantasies.”

            “Anything else from those fantasies you’d like to try?”

            Dan looked at Adam, his face relaxing into a serious expression. “All I want now is to feel you inside me, Adam.”

            “And I want you,” Adam began, pressing his lips to Dan’s chin, “to want that so badly that you can’t think of anything else.”

            Dan laughed a little. “You don’t think I’m there already?”

            Adam drew back, studying Dan with a thoughtful smile. “No. Not yet. But you will be shortly. Turn over on your stomach.”

            “No. I want to face you.”

            Adam slid his palm over Dan’s cheek and kissed him again. “You will. I promise.”

            Dan did as Adam had asked him to, stretching himself out on the satiny comforter. He felt Adam’s warm breath on his neck, felt Adam’s weight shift and then settle on his lower back. Adam was straddling him. Dan felt his hands slide up his arms and pin his hands against the mattress, and then Adam’s tongue licked the nape of his neck. Dan wriggled in response and he groaned as his erection slid over the cool fabric beneath him.

            Adam released his hands with a firm squeeze, giving the message that his hands were not to be moved, and then the tongue at the nape of his neck began to move downwards, following the path of his spine. Between his shoulder blades to the small of his back, each vertebra received a thorough, sensual flick and swirl of Adam’s tongue. The wet trail he left was both cool and flaming hot, and Dan’s body was in a constant state of movement, contracting and relaxing with each touch.

            When Adam’s tongue brushed over his tailbone, Dan’s head shot up from the bed. “Adam…”

            “Hmnn?” Adam responded around his licking.

            Dan couldn’t quite get his thoughts together as Adam’s tongue moved dangerously lower. All questions of what Adam might be doing, if he was going to really do what Dan thought he was going to do, flew out of Dan’s head when he felt Adam’s strong hands kneading the cheeks of his ass.

            _Oh my god. He’s not…he wouldn’t…_

Those strong hands gently pushed him apart and Dan felt Adam’s tongue slide over him _there_.

            “Fuck!”

            Adam made an approving sound in the back of his throat, vaguely aware of Dan’s reaction, but everything in the world had disappeared save for his tongue and the little puckered opening beneath it. The taste of Dan, fuck, the smell of Dan, the way he was moving… Christ, the kid was potent. Adam thanked the stars that Dan had given him one hell of an orgasm before he’d started this, because already he was hard again, and he could feel himself beginning to drip.

            He licked slowly, his tongue tracing around the tight ring of muscle. Dan was moaning quietly, writhing in time with the laps of Adam’s tongue. Adam settled himself on the bed, taking care not to rub himself too much against the comforter, and applied more pressure with his tongue, dipping just a touch inside.

            Dan’s mouth opened and his moans blossomed into full throated sobs. “God, Adam…fuck…”

            Adam took his words as permission and pushed his tongue all the way inside. Dan arched back and let a sound loose that was half curse, half praise, and all profanity. Adam slid his tongue in again and this time Dan hissed and grabbed futilely at the comforter. Within seconds, Adam found a rhythm and Dan was lifting himself up, pushing himself back against Adam’s tongue. Adam planted his hands on Dan’s hips and pulled the boy up on his elbows, raising his ass into the air. Dan’s body, Adam noticed, had loosened with pleasure, and was as easy as clay to mold into position. Adam swiped his tongue over Dan’s hole once before plunging in again, and he felt the tight muscles quiver around him. He drew back.

            “Dan.”

            Dan hummed into the bed.

            “Do you have—”

            “In there.”

            Dan’s left arm moved slowly; an index finger pointed at the small bedside table. Adam leaned over and opened the drawer, withdrawing the supplies they would need. Dan hadn’t moved an inch, and Adam had to wonder if he’d lost consciousness. He felt his lips form a self-satisfied smile, and he had to fight the little devil on his shoulder that told him to just keep fucking Dan with his tongue until the boy was completely insane. He squeezed a drop of lube onto his finger and waited a few seconds until it was warm, taking the moment to fantasize about how Dan would handle a few fingers. If it was anything like the rimming, it was going to be fucking spectacular.

            Adam’s cock jumped at the thought and he couldn’t force himself to wait any longer.

            Adam sat back on his knees and experimentally ran his lubed finger over Dan’s opening. Dan swayed back against him, and Adam released a few notes of low, bubbling laughter at his eagerness. “Patience, Dan.”

            Dan raised himself higher. “I need you, Adam. Please.”

            “Not yet.” Adam didn’t just want Dan to need him, he wanted that need to be possessing, crazy, and frantic. Without issuing a warning, he pushed his finger inside and was rewarded by a moan that he felt vibrate through Dan’s body. He rose up on his knees behind Dan, placing his free hand on Dan’s hip to keep him still as he moved his finger in and out. The sounds Dan made in response might as well have wrapped themselves around his cock and stroked, as hard as he got from hearing them. He was in awe of Dan, all of his paradoxes, how his body could be so hard yet so pliant, how he could be so inexperienced and yet so bold, how he could be both the sexiest and most innocent man he knew.

            Christ, he had it bad.

            Adam pulled out, much to Dan’s displeasure, and added a few drops of lube to his fingers, coating them well. He planted small kisses on Dan’s spine reassuringly before gently pushing two fingers inside him this time. Dan gasped.

            “Sorry, am I hurting you?” Adam asked, genuinely concerned. The warm stretching sensation Dan was experiencing was burned into his memory, a sensation he happened to love, but he didn’t want to move too quickly.

            Dan let out a little whine as Adam’s fingers moved. “No…not really…but it’s so good…so fucking good…”

            Relief and pure desire washed over Adam, and he let go of Dan’s hip and whispered, “Move with me,” but the instruction was needless. Dan rocked back against him as soon as he could, and this time it was Adam who moaned. He hadn’t expected Dan to be so responsive, so _wanton_ , and it was a bigger turn on than anything he’d ever known. He spread his fingers slightly, and the sound Dan made was raw and filled with urgency.

            Adam wrapped his free arm around Dan’s middle and hauled him up, off the bed, so that they were both on their knees, all the while his fingers worked in and out of Dan’s tight entrance. He moved so that he was at Dan’s side, his body flush with his. Leaning down, his lips touched Dan’s softly, but both men quickly let the kiss slide into something needy, almost violent. Adam’s hand sought Dan’s cock and he wrapped his hand around it, pumping it slowly, in perfect parallel to the motion of his fingers. Dan moaned into his mouth, and Adam smiled against him. Adam curved his fingers inward, brushing over just the right spot, and Dan tore his lips away, throwing his head back with a wail.

            Dan’s body was shaking, little trembles that moved down his spine, little earthquakes of pleasure rippling over his skin, and Adam could feel pressure inside himself building as well. Almost painfully.

            “Adam…feels so good…” Dan panted. His eyes were hazy, unfocused. He leaned his head back as if he no longer had the strength or will to hold it up himself. “I’m going to come…”

            “Not yet,” Adam ordered. He thrust his fingers in deep, hitting that spot directly, and Dan’s head fell on his shoulder. He was practically sobbing.

            “Please, Adam.”

            He withdrew his fingers and released Dan from his grip. The protests were immediate.

            “No. No, no, no…” Dan buried his head in Adam’s neck. “Need you…don’t stop…”

            Adam drew Dan into him, their chests meeting, warm and solid. His hands flowed up and down over Dan’s back, comfortingly. “You need me inside you.”

            “Please.”

            Christ, the tone of his voice was desperate. Broken. Adam’s body responded with a slight jerk, a prickling of need. “It’s all you can think about, isn’t it? How empty you feel? How you need to be filled. Stretched. Fucked.”

            As Adam pressed his hips into Dan and let his hands drop teasingly to Dan’s tailbone, he heard Dan whisper, “Yes. Please, Adam. Please.”

            It broke him. Exercising any restraint he had left, he eased Dan back onto the bed and knelt between his legs. He watched Dan’s face as he tore open the small foil packet and rolled a condom over himself. Dan appeared feverish. His skin was flushed, glistening with the sheen of sweat, his eyes were only half open, and he seemed to be writhing just a bit as if reacting to a vivid dream. He leaned forward, kissing Dan’s open mouth.

            “I love you.”

            Dan could barely manage a response, and that was all the reply Adam needed. He lifted both of Dan’s legs over his shoulders slowly, surprised at how easy his muscles gave way to him, and felt the tip of his cock brush against the puckered opening between Dan’s legs. With a groan, he pushed in just a little. Dan arched, sucking in a breath, but then his body returned to the relaxed, open stillness it had possessed before. Adam looked into his lover’s heavy lidded eyes and leaned forward, sheathing himself completely inside Dan’s body.

            A moan escaped his lips as he felt Dan’s muscles clench and then give way, squeezing around him in tight, wet heat. Dan leaned his head back, and Adam knew exactly what he was feeling, that burn that teetered on the line between pain and pleasure.

            “You okay?”

            “Oh god, Adam, you feel so good,” was Dan’s choked reply, and Adam was surprised to see him reach up and wipe at a drop at the corner of his eye. “I needed you so much…”

            “I needed you,” Adam assured him, and then he began to move. Slowly at first, shallowly, and then he began to pick up the pace, his thrusts becoming longer and deeper. Dan’s body completely opened to him, and he began to come out of his near unconsciousness, meeting each of Adam’s thrusts with a roll of his hips. Between the way Dan’s muscles were flexing tight around him and the utterly dirty sounds Dan was making, Adam knew neither of them would last long. But when Dan reached between their bodies to stroke himself, Adam caught his hand.

            “No. Not that way,” Adam said, and then drew himself up and back on his knees, taking Dan’s body with him, his hips slightly off the bed. And when he pushed into Dan again, he hit that magical spot inside that made Dan feel as if his body might just shatter into a thousand pieces. Adam didn’t grant him even a slight reprieve, pumping into that spot again and again. Dan felt his toes and fingers curl up, his stomach clench, and then he came so hard he thought he might never recover from it. He lost himself in wave after throbbing wave of pleasure, and it was only when he felt the warm splattering of liquid cooling on his chest that he realized he was still alive, still breathing, and Adam was still inside him.

            He opened his eyes just in time to see the look of utter bliss cross Adam’s face, the sharp, almost fearful look in his eyes right before his own orgasm hit him. Dan lifted himself up, meeting a savage, deep thrust of Adam’s hips, and Adam’s body convulsed and he screamed Dan’s name at an inhuman pitch. Dan reached up and caught Adam as he fell forward, all of his weight coming down hard on him, crushing him in the best way.

            They lay there for a full five minutes, their breathing and pulses slowing amidst knotted limbs and sweaty, sticky bodies. When Adam finally rolled off of him, apologizing with a mumble about crushing him, he didn’t separate himself from Dan at all. He merely turned them both on their sides.

            They looked at each other, in a bit of shock, completely awed, but neither said a thing. They didn’t have to.

            Dan closed his eyes for a minute and then, panicked, he opened them wide. Adam was smiling at him.

            “It’s okay. Let’s just sleep now. Just for a little while.”

            Dan nodded. “Just a little while…”

            And both drifted into deep, silent sleep.

 

            *

 

            Adam opened his eyes. Dan wasn’t in the bed, and Adam propped himself up on his elbow, searching for him. A small clatter came from the bathroom, giving away Dan’s location, and Adam smiled. He called out in a weak voice, “How are you awake and moving?”

            Dan poked his head out from the bathroom, chuckling at him. “Sorry, love. I didn’t mean to wake you. I have to meet Colin at the studio for another screen test. We were a little distracted earlier, so I didn’t get to tell you…They’re going to do the movie, Adam.”

            Adam sat up, stunned. Dan leaned over him, giving him a small kiss before turning and picking up a pair of his jeans from off the floor.

“What?” Adam asked. “I thought Colin said he wouldn’t?”

            Dan rummaged through his drawer and pulled out boxer briefs. “He did, but it was an empty threat. The studio threatened to stop pre-production on two other movies he’s set to direct if he doesn’t do this one.”

            “Jesus,” Adam murmured, but his brain had moved on to a more important topic. “So who is going to play Scott?”

            Dan shrugged and tugged jeans over his hips. “Not sure. Colin says I know him, but that’s all he could say until he’d had further confirmation. I guess I’ll find out at the screen test.”

            Adam felt his stomach clench. Someone Dan knew could be anyone. Most likely someone gorgeous and talented and very, very rich…

            “There’s more.”

            Adam stood up and began to put on his street clothes. “What?”

            “Since I’m obviously going to be around for a while, I’ve decided to invest in some real estate. This flat is too small, and it really doesn’t suit me.” Dan pulled a plain white t-shirt over his head and straightened it. “I wondered if you’d come along this weekend while I look for a house. I was thinking Beverly Hills, or is that too clichéd?”

            “You want my opinion?”

            Dan paused and smirked at Adam. “Well, yes. I assume you’ll want some say in where you’ll be living.”

            Adam’s heart thumped into his ribcage. “You want me to live with you. In Beverly Hills.”

            Dan shrugged. “Or Malibu or whatever. I don’t really care as long as it has some privacy.”

            “Dan, you’re asking me to live with you.”

            Dan grinned again. Wickedness and innocence rolled into one. “Yes. I know it’s fast, but I figured we both know that this is—”

            “Shh, don’t say it.”

            Dan’s shoulders slumped and he sighed. He sat on the corner of the bed and reached for Adam, who was now wearing his skinny jeans, even if he hadn’t yet buttoned them. Adam took his hand and Dan pulled him close. “Look, I know you’re hesitant because you thought you’d found the one before, but I want to go all in, Adam. I want you to go all in too.”     

            Adam nodded. His throat was completely dry. “I’m all in.”

            Dan smiled. “Good.”

            As the boy got up and headed back to the bathroom to wash his face, Adam sunk into the bed. “Dan…about Brad…”

            Dan peered into the bedroom. “Yes?” he asked in a suspicious tone.

            “I need to get back to my apartment. He’s still…he’s still living with me.”

            “I know.” Dan met Adam’s eyes levelly. “I don’t want him living there anymore.”

            Adam tensed. “I can’t just kick him out. He has nowhere to go.”

            Dan walked out of the bathroom and crossed his arms. “Then stay here until he can find some place to go, but I don’t want you there with him.”

            Adam’s temper flared and he struggled to maintain his cool. “You’re ordering me to kick him out.”

            “I don’t trust him.”

            “You mean you don’t trust me.”

            “Not around Brad.”

            Adam stood. He picked his shirt up off the floor and pulled it over his head roughly. “You honestly think that I’d mess around with him after what you and I have been through?”

            “I think he’s a jealous, licentious son of a bitch who has manipulated us every time he got the chance, and he won’t let our relationship stop him,” Dan hissed, seething. “And let me tell you, knowing that you can just, how did you phrase it, ‘let sex be what it is’ without any feelings involved does _not_ ease my mind about him.”

            Adam closed the distance between him and Dan in the blink of an eye. “Well, that jealous, licentious son of a bitch was the one who told me I’d fucked up, who hit me over the head until I realized I was in love with you, and made sure I came over here last night to make things right between us. Call him names if you want, but I can tell you right now who’s the bigger man between the two of you.”

            Dan flinched as if Adam had struck him. He turned away and looked at the glass wall. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I just…I don’t want anything to hurt us, Adam. And I can’t trust him. He’s lied to me, he’s tricked me into walking in on the two of you, for Christ’s sake, and I’m not ready to let that go.”

            Adam understood that, knowing how he would have felt in Dan’s shoes. “I’ll go home while you’re at the studio. I’ll explain this to him. You have to let me give him time. He’s not just an ex, he was my Scott when I moved here, Dan. He’s family to me.”

            Dan walked forward and wrapped his arms around Adam, burying his face in Adam’s chest. “No. He can stay. I need to deal with my insecurities myself. Just move in with me. Pick a house with me and live with me.”

            Adam smiled and leaned down to kiss Dan’s head. “Yes. Absolutely.”

            Skittish, but still very happy, Dan and Adam made their way downstairs to the waiting car. A very large black man walked in front of them as they pushed through the pack of paparazzi, a man Adam could only assume was Tyson, and this time, when the reporters asked them questions, Dan gave them real answers.

 

            *

 

            The TV was on when Adam entered his apartment. Brad sat on the couch in front of it, hugging a pillow and dressed in a wife beater and pink pajama pants that had red lips and XOXO printed on them. Adam smiled at his ex and Brad looked over, smiling back widely.

            “Hey you.”

            “Hey,” Adam returned.

            Brad stood and flipped the TV off, dropping the remote onto the coffee table. He straightened his back slowly and gazed at Adam from across the room. “Should I assume that since you didn’t return last night, things went well?”

            Adam spoke softly, conscious that every word he uttered would break Brad’s heart bit by bit. “It did. Everything’s forgiven. And we’re…”

            “Together.”

            Adam nodded.

            Brad smiled, but turned his face away. “I’m so glad to hear that. He’s perfect for you.” He looked at Adam then, his eyes glossy through a crooked smile. “Almost like some big guy in the sky was listening to your prayers for a short, pretty, blue eyed boy and decided to be generous.”

            “I suppose,” Adam said stupidly, unsure of what else to say. He could feel Brad’s heartache radiating to him from across the room. It felt like hands on his chest, pinning him down, keeping his breathing shallow. “Brad…”

            “Don’t say it,” Brad said. He walked to Adam with the quick yet graceful little steps he was famous for in nightclubs. His face still held a bit of a smile, a smile that didn’t seem to fit with the pain Adam saw in his eyes. “I’ll pack my things, and I’ll be out of here by tomorrow. Most of my stuff is still at Landon’s anyway, so it won’t take that long.”

            “You don’t have to go.”

            Brad looked up and into Adam’s eyes with surprise. “I highly doubt your new boyfriend will want you to share an apartment with me.”

            Adam shook his head slightly. “He doesn’t, but…” Adam took a deep breath and released his next words like a confession. “He’s buying a house and he wants me to move in with him.”

            The smile faded from Brad’s lips. “That’s a little fast.”

            “I know, but…we’re sure,” Adam said, biting his bottom lip nervously at this admission. He watched helplessly as Brad’s eyes filled.

            “You’re sure,” Brad repeated back in a mumble. He nodded, half dazed. “Of course you’re sure.”

            “Brad…” Adam started, and reached out for his ex, but Brad moved out of his reach.

            “No, it’s good, Adam. It’s really good. He’s what you need.” Brad reached up and fiddled with his hair, straightening a lock that had broken rank. He smiled again, but this time it was accompanied by a soft sniffle. “I mean, he’s gorgeous. And he’s talented. And he obviously cares a whole lot for you, to do what he did.”

            Brad stepped toward Adam, fitting his body into the embrace that he’d grown so accustomed to for the past few years. Adam’s arms neatly wrapped around him, just like always, like nothing had changed. He felt Adam kiss his forehead lightly and he rested his head against Adam’s mouth.

            “I didn’t want to hurt you,” Adam mumbled against his skin.

            “I know you didn’t. But it looks like you had to.”

            Adam said nothing. Brad’s words were true, but he still wanted to apologize, regardless. But Brad didn’t want to hear that, so all Adam could do was pull Brad into a hug.

            “This is real, isn’t it?”

            Adam leaned back slightly to look at Brad’s face. “What do you mean?”

            “This goodbye.” Brad smiled a little. “We’ve had so many, but this one is real. I feel it.”

            “This isn’t goodbye, Brad,” Adam said, running his hand through Brad’s choppy hair. “You’re my best friend.”

            “I know we’ll see each other, but this is the end for…for _us._ ”

            Adam nodded; his voice was gravelly. “Yes, it is.”

            Brad closed his eyes, forcing tears out of them and onto his cheeks. He nodded slowly with understanding and opened his eyes again, forcing a smile to his face. “Good. I’m glad you found him. I really am, Adam. I’m just so fucking sad for me.”

            Adam pulled Brad into his arms then, holding him while he trembled and cried. Something settled heavy inside Adam’s chest, and he realized it was the same feeling he’d had after his last show for Wicked, after his high school graduation, and when he’d left San Diego for L.A. It was so much sadness, laced with a bit of fear and a shimmer of hope. This part of his life was over and he was about to start something new, something wonderful.

            “I’ll always love you, Brad. Thank you.”

            The words were inadequate, but Brad seemed to understand the depth behind them. He hooked his arms around Adam’s neck and let himself enjoy Adam’s strong embrace for just a minute longer.

            “Hello?”

            The sound of Dan’s voice made Adam step back, and Brad felt emptier then than he ever had. But then he saw Adam’s face, the way he was looking at the young boy in the doorway, and a little bit of happiness filled him again.

            “Sorry, Henry said you hadn’t been back, so I came here instead,” Dan said, stepping into the apartment cautiously, unaware of all that had transpired but feeling the tension in the room nevertheless.

            “We were just—”

            “Saying goodbye,” Brad finished for Adam with a pointed look and then a little smile at Dan. “I’m off to bed. Don’t mind me.”

            Dan looked at Adam, and then Brad, and shook his head. “Don’t run off on my account, Brad. Seriously. Stay. I’m just going to make Adam watch my newest screen test, anyway, and I could use another opinion.”

            “Really?”

            Dan was amused by the eager note in Brad’s tone, by the way he stood there so confidently even though he was obviously wearing pajamas a teenage girl would wear, and by the way Adam’s eyes blatantly spelled out, _Thank you_. “Of course.”

            Brad clapped his hands together. “Excellent. Adam, make popcorn, would you?”

            He flopped onto the couch and Dan grinned at Adam, who grabbed him around the waist and pulled him in for a short kiss. “You’re so generous.”

            “You have no idea yet, Lambert,” Dan whispered into Adam’s ear, which earned a slight smack on his bottom from one of Adam’s hands. Dan yelped and grabbed his backside, rubbing it as he went to get the DVD he’d placed on the counter. Adam threw a bag of popcorn in the microwave and dug three Diet Cokes out of the fridge.

            “So who was he?” Adam asked as he passed the sodas out.

            “Who was who?” Brad asked.

            “The actor they had screen test with me today,” Dan answered. “Colin said I knew him. I think you’ll probably know him too.”

            Dan waited for the DVD to load into the small player and when the images started to play on the screen, he paused it and took a seat between Adam and Brad on the couch. The microwave dinged and Brad and Adam glared at each other before Adam got up huffily, grumbling, “Fine, Your Highness.” When Adam was settled again and they all had popcorn and Coke at the ready, Dan pressed play.

            Dan watched himself go into his monologue during the classroom scene, the camera focused on him, and when it panned to the other actor in the room, both Adam and Brad gasped.

            “Hellooooo handsome,” Brad breathed.

            “You’ve got to be kidding me,” Adam mumbled.

            Dan smirked. “Brad, meet Lorenzo Pisoni. He’s a friend of mine from Equus. Colin couldn’t resist calling him for this.”

            All three men watched the screen as Lorenzo stepped away from the desk toward Dan and began a pitch perfect delivery of his lines.

            “He is _stunning_ , Dan.”

            Dan nodded in agreement with Brad, smiling brightly. “He’s incredibly handsome, which is a really smart move on the studio’s part. Since he looks like he walked off the cover of a trashy romance novel, I guess we’ve got the female demographic covered.”

            “Yeah, with the two of you making out on a two-story screen, I’d say you’ve got the women, the gays, god, you might even turn a few lesbians,” Brad said, giggling. Then he sucked in a sharp breath as Lorenzo stretched out his arms. “Jesus Christ, look at those biceps. He’s a wet dream.”

            On screen, Dan tentatively stood on his tiptoes and touched his lips to Lorenzo’s. Brad made a weird sound in his throat. “You are a lucky son of a bitch, Daniel Radcliffe. Jealous yet, Adam?”

            Brad and Dan turned their heads in Adam’s direction, but his eyes were locked on the screen, his arms folded across his chest. His skin was a deep shade of crimson. He said nothing. Brad and Dan exchanged a look and a shrug and went back to watching.

            “Now, this is what’s truly great about Lorenzo right here,” Dan said, pointing to the screen. “Since the secret’s out, obviously I’m more comfortable getting intimate with a guy in front of a camera, but Lorenzo had to manhandle me so much during Equus that we really got used to each other. Look at the way we move together. Just kind of… natural, right? Like we are meant to be together or something.” Dan turned his head toward Adam. “It’s not quite the same effect you had, but it’s close enough to make Colin happy.”

            Adam didn’t acknowledge Dan at all. He kept staring forward at the screen, his face darkening to nearly purple. Onscreen, Lorenzo picked Dan up off the floor and set him down on the desk, his body pressing Dan down and into a kiss that made them both look ready to burst into flame. Adam emitted a low growl; Dan grinned.

            “He’s perfect, right?”

            Adam inhaled sharply, his nostrils flaring comically and his chest puffing out, and he turned to Dan. “May I see your phone?”

            Dan he reached into his back pocket and pulled out his cell, handing it to Adam with a raised eyebrow. Adam pushed the center button, scrolled down through Dan’s contacts and pressed ‘Send.’ He continued to glare at the screen while he waited through the rings. Dan turned to Brad and they exchanged an uneasy look.

            “Colin?” Adam said after a few seconds. “Yeah, Adam Lambert. I borrowed Dan’s phone. Do you still want me?”

            Brad and Dan’s lips both turned up at the corners. They looked at each other, their eyes twinkling with mutual mischief.

            Adam’s voice continued on. “I know, but I also know he’s not what you’re looking for. You _know_ this is meant for me. Yes, I’m willing…Yeah, I can do that…just tell me when…yes…well, maybe you’re right about that journey thing. Excellent, I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

            Adam got up from the couch, shot the screen one more hateful glance, threw the phone on the coffee table and turned his angry eyes toward Dan. “There is no way in hell I’m going to stand by and watch him fuck up this role and put his grubby Italian hands all over you. I’m Scott, damn it, and you’re Matt, and _Strange Fascination_ is our film. _No one_ can do this like we can.”

            At that, Adam turned and marched back into the hallway. Dan and Brad flinched when a door slammed shut, and they looked at each other, trying desperately not to laugh.

            “I suppose I should go talk to him,” Dan said through a snort or two.

            Brad shook his head, giggling. “Let him punch his pillows for a while. He’ll cool down. Probably should have warned you that Adam can be quite the jealous boyfriend.”

            “I figured as much,” Dan said, flashing Brad a bright grin. “And as you can see, I’m not above using it.”

            Brad’s eyebrow lifted ever so slowly into a sharp arch.

            Dan bit his lip and then explained. “When Lorenzo called yesterday to say he was in town to make sure I was okay, I asked him to do me a little favor to get Adam to agree to do the film.”

            Brad’s jaw fell open like a fish out of water. “So that was all…”

            “Just a fake screen test to get Adam, shall we say, motivated.”

            Brad, shook his head in awed disbelief. “You conniving little bitch.”

            Dan winked at him. “I learned from the best.”

            Both boys collapsed into giggles for a full minute before they recovered, clutching their sides and wiping at their eyes. The moment was over, and now there was no neutral territory, nothing between them to talk about except for the giant pink elephant in the room.

            “Adam said you helped him a lot with the things that happened between us. Thank you for that. That was…” _That was what?_ Dan wondered. _Nice doesn’t cover it._ “Selfless.”

            Brad shrugged. “You would have done the same.”

            “No, I wouldn’t have,” Dan argued, looking directly, soberly, into Brad’s eyes. “Just before he came over here I had a little temper tantrum about you, actually. Totally childish. Adam said you were a bigger man than I was because of it.”

            “I’m sure he didn’t mean that.”

            “He did, and he’s right,” Dan admitted, biting at his bottom lip. “I guess I’m kind of a jealous boyfriend too. Stupid jealous.”

            Brad shrugged again. “You love him. You’re just doing what you think is best for him.”

            “The best thing for him is having a friend like you.” Brad looked startled by that, and Dan smiled gently. “I’m serious. I’ll deal with my stupidity by myself. He needs you. Just don’t take it too personally if I backslide into immaturity. I’m only 19 after all, and he’s my first boyfriend.” Dan grinned in a way that made Brad forget that he’d just stolen the love of his life. “He told me you were his Scott when he moved to L.A. I would love to hear stories…”

            Brad sat up tall, his eyes sparkling with excitement. “Stories? Honey, I have photographic evidence. You need to see your boy with strawberry blond hair. You’ll die.”

            Dan snorted at that and glanced back up at the screen. The look on his face was a happy one, but he knew underneath that expression he was wishing for Adam’s touch, not Lorenzo’s. He had done a good job of channeling that desire, though, as good as any actor could do in that situation. He leaned forward and hit a button on the remote, making his and Lorenzo’s frozen forms fade to black. He turned to Brad with an expression that clearly said he was up to no good. “I think we need to look at these photos while Adam’s cooling off, don’t you?”

            Brad nodded slowly and wondered for a split second if he’d found a partner in crime. “I’ll get the photo albums, you get the wine. Oh, and let me get you something to wear. You’ll need to be comfortable as I take you through the Evolution of Adam Lambert.”

            Adam found them an hour later, giggling over pictures of him from high school in the exaggerated way tipsy people giggle. Dan was sporting one of Brad’s pairs of Miss Piggy pajama bottoms and leaning on Brad’s shoulder as Brad narrated the pictures Mystery Science Theater 3000 style. Adam grinned at the sight of his boyfriend and his ex getting along so well and joined them on the couch, pouring himself a glass of wine and taking over narration in a comical, Valley Girl voice. When it was clear they were all up past their bedtime and well past tipsy, Adam tucked Brad in on the couch and led Dan back to his bedroom, where they curled up together, warm in each other’s arms.

            “You’re going to be brilliant in this film, Adam.”

            Adam hugged Dan tighter. “I hope you’re right. I don’t want to let you down.”

            “I’m always right about acting, and there’s no way you could let me down.” Dan angled his head so that he could see Adam’s face. “We’ll help each other. It’s our journey, after all. They’re just going to put it on film.”

            Adam chuckled, low and rumbling in his chest. They let a few moments pass in silence, just enjoying the scent of each other and each other’s heat. Then Dan said, “I talked to my real estate agent on the way here, Adam. She found a place for us, in the Hills. It has everything I want, and everything I thought you’d want. The master suite is completely separate from the rest of the house, so even if we have a party, no one will even be near our bedroom. The pool is gorgeous. Like a lagoon or something, and with a great view of the city. And…the guest house out back has a recording studio inside it.”

            Adam lifted his head off the pillow, staring disbelievingly at Dan. “A recording studio?”

            Dan nodded. “Yeah, so you could, you know, work at home.”

            “It sounds…”

            “Perfect.”

            “Yeah.” Adam blinked. “I don’t know what to say.”

            “Just say you’ll live there with me, and we can grow old together.”

            “Just a couple of crotchety, washed up has-beens.”

            Dan laughed. “Yep, the out-of-work, wrinkled actor, long past his prime, and the geriatric, senile rocker who still thinks he’s sexy.”

            Adam laughed and pulled Dan closer so that he could kiss him on the mouth. “Sounds like an appropriate end to our journey.” He kissed Dan again. “I’m looking forward to trying each road and path with you.”

            “Should I tell her we’ll take the house?”

            Adam merely smiled. “Tell her I want to be moved in and recording by next weekend.”

            “I’ll call first thing in the morning,” Dan said, and with that, he snuggled into Adam’s side and smiled to himself, thinking of their journey – their strange, fascinating journey.

 

            *

 

 _One year later…_

Dan stood on the terrace, one hand braced on the balustrade, the other curled around a fruity drink that Brad had made for him. He sipped it, laughing when he found it heavy on the rum and light on the fruit, and surveyed his guests by the pool below.

It was a Saturday night, the first of many Saturday nights that would include parties and events, all in honor of the awards season. His party, well, his and Adam's, was the one everyone was dying to get into, the one making every celebrity worth anything salivate at the mere thought of an invitation. Everyone wanted a glimpse inside their mansion, a glimpse inside their guarded lives. What would they find?

Dan smiled again. Nothing but a happy couple. The biggest scoop was the occasional argument over decorating or buying whole milk instead of soy. Well, that and their Oscar nominations.

Dan searched through the crowd, finding Adam's tall, handsome figure in the middle of the dance floor. He was surrounded by old friends, friends he'd kept from the Zodiac Show and Wicked, friends that kept him grounded even as the paparazzi hounded him, as Barbara Walters called for an interview, and record execs argued over his contract. There were new friends mixed in there as well. Other actors he'd meant during the filming of Strange Fascination, musicians he wanted to work with, and of course, Lorenzo and Spencer.

They were a brand new addition, in the scheme of things. Contrasting schedules of movie shoots and theater performances gave them precious few opportunities to see each other, and this was only the second time Dan had seen Spencer and Lorenzo in over a year. Not that the time or distance had mattered. They fell into their old patterns right away, and had wasted no time becoming friends with Adam, and integrating themselves in Dan’s small social circle.

He heard Adam laugh even above the techno beat of the latest Katy Perry song (Katy was, ironically, sitting at the bar, helping herself to Brad's dangerous cocktails) and focused his attention on his boyfriend, watching as he and Lorenzo sandwiched Spencer into a sexy dance that had Spencer's cheeks flushing beautifully.

"Hey."

Dan jumped, the voice startling him out of his reverie. He turned and there stood Colin Vance, larger than life.

"Colin!" Dan exclaimed. "I'm so glad you could come."

“I wouldn't have missed it," Colin said, drawing Dan in for a short, crushing hug. "My big stars and their first big Hollywood party."

Dan turned back to the crowd, grinning. "I think it's a smashing success."

“Looks like it." Colin leaned over the railing himself eying the guests. "Christ. That's not Lindsay Lohan, is it?"

Dan pulled a face. "She crashed. Whatever. Her parole officer is here so she's on a short leash."

Colin chuckled. "The house is lovely."

"The loveliest," Dan agreed.

"And you and Adam?"

Dan turned to Colin, a little smirk on his lips. "Great. He really didn't expect the nominations. He's over the moon."

"Well, there's no contest. His soundtrack for Strange Fascination was nothing but genius. And the song..." Colin began to hum the melody of The Journey, a song written and recorded by Adam Lambert, which was nominated for Best Original Song from a Motion Picture.

Dan laughed. "Great tune. We should thank you for that."

"What? Me? I didn't write it. I didn't even inspire it. That was you."

"Maybe, but you're the one who ordered the script to be re-written so that Scott was a music teacher and Adam would have an excuse to write songs." Dan looked at Vance pointedly and then raised his glass, clinking it against Colin's. "Also genius."

"Ah, yes. Well, it wouldn't be a Hollywood party without some self-congratulatory bullshit," Colin said and then swallowed down half of his glass. "Shit! I don't think there was any pineapple juice in that thing!"

"I see you've met Cheeks, then."

"Cheeks was the tiny, pretty boy behind the bar?"

"Yes."

"The one who winked at me and informed me that he can cry at the drop of a hat and also has perfect comedic timing and do I have a future project in mind for a gorgeous but spunky gay boy?"

Dan laughed. "That sounds like Brad."

"The one that's dancing with Lorenzo?"

"Yes," Dan replied automatically. "Wait. What?"

Colin pointed and Dan looked down. The beat had slowed to a crawl, and the dancers had paired off, leaning against each other and swaying lazily to a ballad. A few couples away from Adam and Spencer, who were jokingly attempting a waltz, was Brad, and he was wrapped around Lorenzo like they were long-time lovers, not new acquaintances.

"Well...I never would have guessed it but...It works." Dan scrunched his face up, still a bit in shock, and continued to watch them dance. Lorenzo leaned down and whispered something into Brad's ear, causing him to giggle. Both of them had shining eyes, happy eyes. Dan smiled. "It works really well."

Dan and Colin were silent for a while, watching the party-goers with amusement.

"You didn't really answer about you and Adam. I mean, you talked about his Oscar nominations, but not about how you're doing. Together." Colin looked deep into his glass, inspecting the contents dubiously. "You ducked that question skillfully, I should add. I felt like one of these poor journalists you're always outwitting."

Dan chuckled and drew his eyes away from the party, looking off into the distance where the sun was setting in majestic fire tones over the hills. Then he turned back to Colin, knowing this was one of his allies, one of his and Adam's close, inner circle of friends. "I'm not supposed to know this yet, so you're definitely not supposed to know it, but... Brad slipped up the other day and I found out... Adam's been hiding a ring for me in his sock drawer for a few weeks now."

Colin's large face broke into a smile. "Think he'll ask Oscar night?"

"Nah," Dan said, shaking his head. "He's not patient enough for that."

"Tonight, then?"

Dan looked back down into the crowd and found Adam, watching him from the dance floor. Adam mouthed, "I love you."

Dan turned to Colin, grinning, and said, "Yeah. Maybe tonight."

Then he looked back at Adam, who was still looking up at him, waiting for an answer, and mouthed, "I love you" back.

~~THE END~~

 


End file.
